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Post by helena on Feb 16, 2016 13:00:05 GMT
I am curious about why dismissive people tend to be workaholics more often? This is suggested as no coincidence. I understand that it might allow them a distraction away from the relationships of this world. I get the point but wonder what consequences it might bring. I wonder whether they don't like their work as much, but have to invest as investing in relationships is not what they value/ it is difficult? Does it allow a secure environment, which they have more control over and it is less scary? I wonder whether if this is true, some dismissive people might actually be quite hurt inside for having to work so hard, if there are other (non-work) reasons for focusing on it so much? I don't want to play devil's advocate, but now I'm thinking if workaholism ever is a choice or are there always some psychological reasons behind what might keep us tied to the desk (another could be striving to achieve as a result of only feeling valuable when winning/being the best). I presume that the issue might also be more complex for every individual. My partner has an added pressure/responsibility he assigned himself as the rescuer in his family, who has on many occasions helped out others financially. I wonder whether he took away the responsibility from some of his family members by stepping in when they had problems (as this was done repeatedly).
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katy
Sticky Post Powers
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Post by katy on Feb 16, 2016 15:43:35 GMT
I have another take on this - when I read many of the posts on this forum, I noticed that the avoidants almost always used "busy at work" as the socially acceptable excuse for withdrawing.
They may actually not be working harder than most other people, but it's much more socially sanctioned to say that you're working than that you're running away.
It's my contention that if you want to communicate with somebody, you'll find 5 minutes in your busy day to at least say hello.
Just my opinion.
Katy
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Post by helena on Feb 17, 2016 18:29:45 GMT
Interesting and probably very true! In my example my partner is a true workaholic. Since we met I saw him having this dilemma of wanting to spend more time together and being pulled by work. So far, I would say he chose our relationship. We are both very busy people, so we work together well. If he runs to work I don't think it has been to escape difficulty in closeness. I think this is his identity now as the family rescuer and someone successful. Thank you for making this point.
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raco
Junior Member
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Post by raco on Mar 31, 2016 23:20:15 GMT
Working may also allow the avoidant to avoid his own emotions/feelings. Avoidants can have some alexithymic traits, and I guess that someone who has difficulties to handle his feelings on a conscious level may look for some occupation that allows him to focus on something external and neutral, distracting him from his inner thoughts.
Avoidants are also known to be prone to addictive behaviors, and work can be an addiction. Working a lot can also be reassuring for avoidant people, as they value their independence a lot (money is said to give independence, and working a lot can help to earn more money).
But for sure, they often use work as a socially acceptable excuse for being distant...
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Post by FemaleFA on Apr 1, 2017 1:46:30 GMT
I am curious about why dismissive people tend to be workaholics more often? This is suggested as no coincidence. I understand that it might allow them a distraction away from the relationships of this world. I get the point but wonder what consequences it might bring. I wonder whether they don't like their work as much, but have to invest as investing in relationships is not what they value/ it is difficult? Does it allow a secure environment, which they have more control over and it is less scary? I wonder whether if this is true, some dismissive people might actually be quite hurt inside for having to work so hard, if there are other (non-work) reasons for focusing on it so much? I don't want to play devil's advocate, but now I'm thinking if workaholism ever is a choice or are there always some psychological reasons behind what might keep us tied to the desk (another could be striving to achieve as a result of only feeling valuable when winning/being the best). I presume that the issue might also be more complex for every individual. My partner has an added pressure/responsibility he assigned himself as the rescuer in his family, who has on many occasions helped out others financially. I wonder whether he took away the responsibility from some of his family members by stepping in when they had problems (as this was done repeatedly). I am a female fearful avoidant (recovering, I hope) and also a workaholic. My work gives me identity and self esteem and I am in a way in control at work. I seem to have a confident persona that needs to get stuff done, I get a lot of positive feedback from being very productive and talented and it gives me purpose. When I've said I'm busy has been when I really didn't want to prioritize the people who were asking for my time and also sometimes, when I felt so low that only work could lift my self esteem and a sense of well being.. I've had to make a conscious choice to make sure that when people ask for my time I make time for them without making them feel like they are a burden. |
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