sonya
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by sonya on Apr 18, 2020 14:19:21 GMT
I've had an affair for two years now with I've come to discover that he's a DA. It's been on and off as usual, hot and then cold and the hot and the cold again. I've made my mind up so many times that I'm finishing this for good but he seems to turn my head around time after time and sweet talk me back and promises to change. Obviously he's not changing.
I just want to break free from him, why can't I? How do I succeed, I'm desperate to stop. I feel like I have a severe mental illness that's controlling my life and I can't stop even though I want to.
And out of curiosity, is it very common that when I threaten to leave he sends me love songs and promises to change but when the dust settles he's just sexting and everything's related to sex. And when we see every other week, after sex he rushes away and you can see he's obviously anxious and I don't hear from him for week or two, sometimes three. Sex is great but afterwards when someone rushes away leaves me just feeling dirty and lonely. And sad, been sad the whole two years.
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Post by annieb on Apr 18, 2020 16:52:35 GMT
I've had an affair for two years now with I've come to discover that he's a DA. It's been on and off as usual, hot and then cold and the hot and the cold again. I've made my mind up so many times that I'm finishing this for good but he seems to turn my head around time after time and sweet talk me back and promises to change. Obviously he's not changing. I just want to break free from him, why can't I? How do I succeed, I'm desperate to stop. I feel like I have a severe mental illness that's controlling my life and I can't stop even though I want to. And out of curiosity, is it very common that when I threaten to leave he sends me love songs and promises to change but when the dust settles he's just sexting and everything's related to sex. And when we see every other week, after sex he rushes away and you can see he's obviously anxious and I don't hear from him for week or two, sometimes three. Sex is great but afterwards when someone rushes away leaves me just feeling dirty and lonely. And sad, been sad the whole two years. You are at your wit’s end so you are there I would say. You will need to block him on all media and start counting your NC days. You will get there. Start a new hobby, a job, a business, things that will keep you occupied. Start therapy if you haven’t already. You can do this! We’ve all been there. |
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Post by dhali on Apr 18, 2020 17:09:41 GMT
I feel it’s pretty easy to leave someone in the past- at least tactically. Not necessarily emotionally. Block and delete. Everywhere. That is unless, of course, you really want the dance to continue.
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sonya
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by sonya on Apr 18, 2020 17:20:09 GMT
I feel like an idiot to block him, as I've done it so many times already. Unless of course this time I'll stick to it. I don't know, I'd just want to say something why I'm doing it but at the same time feel uncomfortable having that discussion, 'cause the other end feels so cold. So to just block without an explanation and stay with it.
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Post by annieb on Apr 18, 2020 17:30:33 GMT
I feel like an idiot to block him, as I've done it so many times already. Unless of course this time I'll stick to it. I don't know, I'd just want to say something why I'm doing it but at the same time feel uncomfortable having that discussion, 'cause the other end feels so cold. So to just block without an explanation and stay with it. If you feel like you need to explain to him why you’re doing it, by all means do. But be prepared to get suckered in one last time. These relationships all end eventually. You will not get your needs met in this relationship. So it’s up to you. But he will not magically turn available because you have a conversation. You can try. And report back, but in terms of your self preservation - it would be against that concept. |
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Post by dhali on Apr 18, 2020 18:19:25 GMT
The blocking relapse.... that’s why the delete portion is important. I don’t have my ex’s phone number or email address anywhere. Anywhere. I don’t know what they are. And really, if you want it to be over, there’s nothing to communicate.
As for the discussion of why you’re blocking. I’d suggest to skip it. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise. And you’re not in each other’s lives anymore, now or ever again. So focus on what’s best for you, not managing your ex’s emotions. They are in your past.
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sonya
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by sonya on Apr 18, 2020 18:27:31 GMT
Problem is that I've deleted the number so many times, I remember it by heart;) But 'cause of your inspirational words I've blocked him on social media and phone now without any further explanations. That's it, done with this shit. Thank you for your support!
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Post by dhali on Apr 18, 2020 23:12:13 GMT
Nice job. And I’m sorry for your pain. Trauma bonds are hard to shake. Just know that’s it’s all Pavlovian.
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Post by mixedsyles on Apr 19, 2020 7:20:45 GMT
It’s hard to leave when you aren’t ready to leave. It’s much easier to leave when you reach your breakpoint. Maybe it’s not the best way to get over someone but you can continue seeing him casually but dating other guys at the same time. Date guys who are hotter than he is, more successful, more attractive, more consistent, more secure, kinder. You will slowly detach from him and you will notice that there are many better guys out there. Take the opportunity to feel and work on your triggers while interacting with him. Learn how not to be so triggered and be a better partner to your next guy.
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