coolrobin63
New Member
The past and present wilt. I have filled them... and proceed to fill my next fold of the future
Posts: 1
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Post by coolrobin63 on Apr 22, 2020 18:25:20 GMT
Hey Guys! I am new here but I've been reading a lot about attachement styles over the past few months and I have come to the realization that I am a fearful avoidant. Does anyone have any resources that they would recommend for greatening their mindfulness and their ability to self soothe? These things are things that I have not been able to work on alone. I find this time to be extremely difficult because I am mostly at home unless I'm at work. Having all of this extra time to think about my ex has caused me to obsess over the relationship and past relationships. Like I said, I have been doing research for a few months now so I am very aware that while it is not possible for anyone to simply stop thinking about someone that causes them pain (except for my ex who is a DA and is very good at making me feel like I never existed to him) that I need to be more productive with how I am dealing with my pain instead of simply wallowing in it. Initially, I was going to start doing different hobbies that I have been interested in but too scared to do alone. With everything happening these activities are no longer available to me. I truly believe that everything with COVID-19 was meant to happen at this particular time in my life because it's causing me to sit in my own emotions and either allow them to ruin my life or to finally get a hold of them in a healthy way.
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Post by dhali on Apr 25, 2020 6:38:10 GMT
I mean, shit ain’t easy. The big step is to work on your self esteem. That has nothing to do with relationships outside of yourself. No dating, no sex. Just - how do you begin the process of respecting yourself? For me, and for a lot of people, I suspect, you’re barely honest with yourself that you have low self esteem. The first step is to admit, I don’t like myself. And figure out why. Sure we all have dark thoughts, but we aren’t our thoughts. We don’t even create our thoughts. But what is it about yourself that you don’t like? This takes a lot of time to figure out. For me it’s a lot of things. I had to figure out that I feel like a fraud. That’s because I live by a narrative, that I’m not even sure I had much of a hand in creating. It’s just a conglomeration of other people’s desires that I measured to try an make happy. And how I can manipulate people, and all sorts of ugly things. But then you figure out, you don’t actually have to do all of those things. They are all defense mechanisms to keep people at bay from me. .... anyhow, the point being is that it takes work, concentrated. But working on your self esteem is completely doable.
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 25, 2020 14:10:11 GMT
I mean, shit ain’t easy. The big step is to work on your self esteem. That has nothing to do with relationships outside of yourself. No dating, no sex. Just - how do you begin the process of respecting yourself? For me, and for a lot of people, I suspect, you’re barely honest with yourself that you have low self esteem. The first step is to admit, I don’t like myself. And figure out why. Sure we all have dark thoughts, but we aren’t our thoughts. We don’t even create our thoughts. But what is it about yourself that you don’t like? This takes a lot of time to figure out. For me it’s a lot of things. I had to figure out that I feel like a fraud. That’s because I live by a narrative, that I’m not even sure I had much of a hand in creating. It’s just a conglomeration of other people’s desires that I measured to try an make happy. And how I can manipulate people, and all sorts of ugly things. But then you figure out, you don’t actually have to do all of those things. They are all defense mechanisms to keep people at bay from me. .... anyhow, the point being is that it takes work, concentrated. But working on your self esteem is completely doable. I agree....it is about finding your true self under all of those masks you have put on in order to please others. My biggest issue has always been wanting to be “perfect” for the people I care about...I have no sense of a small mistake, medium mistake or large mistake...they are all large. I just never gave myself a break...I was constantly looking at myself as someone who wasn’t lovable unless I made no mistakes. I am attracted to lost, lonely, curious, funny, wounded boys inside of hurt, angry, addicted men. I want to save them and then, they will save me....it is the “dance”. I think giving myself permission to fail has been huge. |
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