Post by np3 on Apr 28, 2020 17:13:40 GMT
Hi, 34M here, i am not a native English speaker so some mistakes may occur.
I recently stumbled upon attachment styles and know now that i was blissfully unaware before. For much of my adult life i have had the feeling that i was different then the people i was socializing with, but honestly too lazy to dig really deep because i was "happy" with status quo. Until now. I want to better understand my own self because of events that has happened recently.
To my surprise Jeb Kinnison perfectly described who i am in his blog post "Type: DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE".
I have very high self-esteem but no reason for it. My friends and family only know me superficially, because who needs them anyway.
People think it is weird that i dont remember much about my childhood and i must agree. I value my alone time and avoid commitment as the plague.
I have thought, done and said everything on the, Levine and Heller list.
But something has changed, maybe i am getting more mature.
I broke up with my GF of 8 years about 2 years ago. She cheated on me.
Sadly the end of contact with my EX did not occur until about a month ago because of co-ownership of a house.
She was the one. We were going to start a family and grow old together. If only i had known that i was a DA before everything went to hell.
So now the only thing i can do is look back and realize that i was sabotaging myself when we were together.
I knew she wanted to get married and have kids, but i would avoid the conversation every time. I feared the commitment. "Whats the rush, we got plenty of time".
In the end she took matters in to her own hands and forced me out. I was so angry, for 2 years!
Then about a month ago we finalized everything and that was the end. I wanted some closure because she was never honest about why she did it.
So i did some investigating and found out that she is married with the guy she cheated with and they have a kid now.
I wrote her a farewell letter and for the first time i was overwhelmed with sad feelings and i started crying.
For me this is the beginning of the breakup. I still have feelings for my ex. I am sad and lost. My old future is gone.
I want to change but ultimately i fear that every relationship i will have is going to end the same way.
/thanks for reading
I recently stumbled upon attachment styles and know now that i was blissfully unaware before. For much of my adult life i have had the feeling that i was different then the people i was socializing with, but honestly too lazy to dig really deep because i was "happy" with status quo. Until now. I want to better understand my own self because of events that has happened recently.
To my surprise Jeb Kinnison perfectly described who i am in his blog post "Type: DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE".
I have very high self-esteem but no reason for it. My friends and family only know me superficially, because who needs them anyway.
People think it is weird that i dont remember much about my childhood and i must agree. I value my alone time and avoid commitment as the plague.
I have thought, done and said everything on the, Levine and Heller list.
But something has changed, maybe i am getting more mature.
I broke up with my GF of 8 years about 2 years ago. She cheated on me.
Sadly the end of contact with my EX did not occur until about a month ago because of co-ownership of a house.
She was the one. We were going to start a family and grow old together. If only i had known that i was a DA before everything went to hell.
So now the only thing i can do is look back and realize that i was sabotaging myself when we were together.
I knew she wanted to get married and have kids, but i would avoid the conversation every time. I feared the commitment. "Whats the rush, we got plenty of time".
In the end she took matters in to her own hands and forced me out. I was so angry, for 2 years!
Then about a month ago we finalized everything and that was the end. I wanted some closure because she was never honest about why she did it.
So i did some investigating and found out that she is married with the guy she cheated with and they have a kid now.
I wrote her a farewell letter and for the first time i was overwhelmed with sad feelings and i started crying.
For me this is the beginning of the breakup. I still have feelings for my ex. I am sad and lost. My old future is gone.
I want to change but ultimately i fear that every relationship i will have is going to end the same way.
/thanks for reading
