Suggested time period to re-engage DA

This is very helpful to hear thank you <3 Did anybody guide or give you a nudge in to therapy? Or did you decide completely on your own that it would help you?

kittycat1230 I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. My ex husband was an anxious attached who had no control on his anger when triggered (verbal abuse, throwing/breaking things around the house etc). We also had a lot of problems around sex in our marriage.

After I got of my marriage, I thought I needed therapy only to "fix" my problems around how I viewed sex and men. What came out was a whole other can of worms - my mother's abusive behaviour due to her mental health problems, my abandonment issues, my lack of trust in other people, how I would never ask for my needs, my shutting down and running away from people when any conflict arose. It's only now I realise how much my avoidance contributed to the dysfunction in my marriage.

To my friends and family, I was the stable one in that marriage because I would never show extreme emotions. Its been almost three years since my divorce. I have secure, stable and healthy friends who've helped me learn to trust that people will not leave or hurt me. But I could not have done half of my self work without the help of my therapist. What I believe is that, when you have deep trauma like mine, healthy friendship/relationships are necessary but actual healing comes from sticking with therapy and doing the work. Hope this helps.

Hey all! It’s been a while, 7 weeks almost exactly, and... all of you are correct that time does heal (some) things! Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I have come to see that the breakup was inevitable, as I didn’t even realize my needs weren’t being met, and that the LACK OF communicating issues/disagreements was a problem... I am at peace with the loss of the relationship... however, I have been ruminating about the things I don’t know about the night that “ensued” the breakup, when I was blackout drunk and my deeply wounded child came out (which, was the first time that ever happened, both the blacking our like that and wounded child fit, and I have little detail). My ex was able to communicate with me cordially regarding returning my things. He let me read him a closure letter I wrote when he dropped my things off. He Expressed that his being cold during the breakup, was unintentional, and he said he doesn’t know how to express himself and he apologized for that. We ended on business like and seemingly grateful terms.

That being said, I keep replaying imaginary things from that night because, quite frankly he didn’t give me many details about my behavior, and I may or may not be imagining as it was or worse (truthfully... no memory) and I was wondering if we think my ex would be receptive to this, being that he seemed patient and caring enough to hear me out when he brought me my things:

Via text:

“Hey, I know we mutually acknowledged that there is no future for us during our last interaction, and that’s ok, but there’s some things I’m still wrestling with. Assuming that you genuinely did/do care about me as a person, can we please meet up and have an adult conversation about mine/our breakdowns in the relationship? I feel our post-break up interactions have been as cordial as can be, and I intend to treat this with the same integrity.”