Post by kranichangel on May 3, 2020 8:12:52 GMT
To be honest, to me it kind of sounds like you were expecting / needing him to calm your fears and worries (that seem to stem from your own insecure attachment) when they came up, however you did not seem to articulate clearly what you felt / why you felt certain things, but were very vague in expressing your uneasiness. Perhaps you did not even know why you felt this uneasiness, and it might have had to do more with you and your patterns than him...?
You let him know you were unsure and felt like things should feel easier, then you were in a bad mood at your next meet-up, then you expected him to push back plans with his friends in favour of seeing you so you could feel reassured - and you got even more annoyed when he would not do what you wanted from him - that sounds very exhausting, to be quite honest.
I am not surprised he now feels unsure about this relationship / dating, and I am not saying that to be mean, but this would also me my reaction if things did transpire as you described. How come you felt it was okay for you to let him know you feel unsure about the relationship and feel like he should put in more effort, yet when he tells you he also feels unsure few days later, you see it as him "bailing on you"? This kinda surprised me, as you clearly said you were unsure about the relationship and where things were going just a few days earlier. It might be that he realised he is not able or willing to give as much as you need or expect him to. He was being honest in expressing that he feels like you may have differing needs and expectations.
And to your general confusion on why he would have even entertained you for two months if now he suddenly feels unsure - this is normal for those early stages of dating, you get to know each other, like each other, but this does not mean it will work out in the long run and love will grow from it. As you get to spend more time together and really see the other and how they function in relationships and day to day life, you might just realise that perhaps you are not on the same wavelength or have different needs and expectations from the other, or ways of doing things. Those are all legitimate reasons to put the brakes on a relationship in the early stages, or call it off. It does not mean one person led the other on, or is being mean and immature. They could have genuinely liked you in the beginning, but then realised through seeing more of your personality, that it's just not what they want / need in a relationship.
Again, I am not saying these things to be harsh. I am just being open and honest in expressing how I see this (and I used to be anxiously attached as well, so I do know the pain and worry etc), with the limited information provided, of course I don't have the whole picture.
You let him know you were unsure and felt like things should feel easier, then you were in a bad mood at your next meet-up, then you expected him to push back plans with his friends in favour of seeing you so you could feel reassured - and you got even more annoyed when he would not do what you wanted from him - that sounds very exhausting, to be quite honest.
I am not surprised he now feels unsure about this relationship / dating, and I am not saying that to be mean, but this would also me my reaction if things did transpire as you described. How come you felt it was okay for you to let him know you feel unsure about the relationship and feel like he should put in more effort, yet when he tells you he also feels unsure few days later, you see it as him "bailing on you"? This kinda surprised me, as you clearly said you were unsure about the relationship and where things were going just a few days earlier. It might be that he realised he is not able or willing to give as much as you need or expect him to. He was being honest in expressing that he feels like you may have differing needs and expectations.
And to your general confusion on why he would have even entertained you for two months if now he suddenly feels unsure - this is normal for those early stages of dating, you get to know each other, like each other, but this does not mean it will work out in the long run and love will grow from it. As you get to spend more time together and really see the other and how they function in relationships and day to day life, you might just realise that perhaps you are not on the same wavelength or have different needs and expectations from the other, or ways of doing things. Those are all legitimate reasons to put the brakes on a relationship in the early stages, or call it off. It does not mean one person led the other on, or is being mean and immature. They could have genuinely liked you in the beginning, but then realised through seeing more of your personality, that it's just not what they want / need in a relationship.
Again, I am not saying these things to be harsh. I am just being open and honest in expressing how I see this (and I used to be anxiously attached as well, so I do know the pain and worry etc), with the limited information provided, of course I don't have the whole picture.