Feeling closer to FA than AP....

You also can't let other people tell you that you "should" date. If you're not ready at the moment, you're not ready and that's perfectly fine. Listen to and trust yourself. And as annieb just said, if you struggle with attachment issues and force yourself to connect romantically when it makes you feel overwhelmed and not ready, you'll end up repeating in a bad dynamic with another unhealthy potential partner.

When I was working through stuff, sometimes I'd go online and go on a date or two just to see how I felt about it. I was generally not ready, and that was very clear after only a date or two, and then I'd stop trying for another 2-3 months before briefly checking in again.

You can't measure your progress by you've already done so much work so why aren't you healed yet, either. You could have spent a long time on a method of therapy that didn't work for you, or with a therapist who wasn't very good. You've made a lot more progress since you've started SE therapy, and that was recent in the scheme of things. It's not an equation, but I already spent X time so I should have automatically graduated

I've also mentioned before that I see hints of FA with you, but that I think you're attracted to avoidants so you don't really get into your avoidant side. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the case based on the type of emotional trauma you grew up with, and FA is the hardest to unwind because it's reprogramming double the amount of nervous system defense mechanisms. But even if you are firmly AP, these are all time-consuming to address and can easily take a couple or a few years to undo after finally starting with an approach that works better for you, such as SE plus the medication you started I think I remember only a year or two ago.

Also, dating new people during a pandemic is really hard. If you can't see each other per normal, it'll leave you with a lot of time and space to project and idealize, so if you're not feeling ready to date, it's not a good time to force yourself. That's not "avoiding" moving on, as long as you're firmly focused on continuing to work on healing yourself and not wallowing, and I do believe you're still doing good self-work and processing at this time.

In addition to this, tnr9, you're still assuming B is just fine and functional because on the surface, he's getting engaged. That's not something you know, it's the comparison trap negative narrative (others better than self).

I think the fact that you hung on to B for this long is a good indication of avoidance - an AP would have already found a new “qualifier” as we call it in the Love Addiction forums. 😂
But all these issues are all the same in my opinion, just different coping strategies. The main issues remain the same and to be solved. And those are the hardest. Self love, self care, self esteem, self validation. And that includes what role other people play in it, but it’s mostly about us.

tnr9, I'm not entirely up-to-date on your story so apologies if I'm missing the mark with my comments (I know I did before but let me try again). It seems to me that B and your issues with relationships seem to consume a lot of your thoughts. Instead of thinking even harder about the whole thing, more therapy, more analysis, etc, perhaps one avenue to explore would be to try to take a break from all these thoughts?

What I mean by that is perhaps try to focus your energy on something entirely different that will make you feel better. For example, learning a new sport, joining a gym, taking painting lessons, dance lessons, starting a new hobby, a big renovation project, etc. Anything that will make you feel good and take your mind somewhere else. Ideally something physical because it will release endorphins. Even better if it's something challenging that can help you push yourself and achieve a goal (like running your first 10k, but can be anything). Feelings of achievements are quite powerful morale boosters in my experience.

Great. I understand that posting your thoughts here is part of the healing process and does not necessarily mean that you're thinking about that all the time. I do the same!

Not judging what activities make you happy, as long as it works for you, great!

All the best.