Tired of the constant struggle to not reach out | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

BecomingMe
Junior Member

Posts: 67

Tired of the constant struggle to not reach out May 15, 2020 9:20:31 GMT via mobile amber and lonewolf like this

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Post by BecomingMe on May 15, 2020 9:20:31 GMT

I am exhausted with telling myself that my DA ex is not the person for me. I know this. Consciously I know this. However, everyday my mind tries to tell me all the amazing ways we got along and how we were at the same wavelength and had so many things in common.

Even as I write all this, I know that if it was so amazing he would have tried to make it work. He would have shown interest. He didn't. I must accept this. I know the lockdown isn't helping and talking to him will only make me go down the same horrible path of self doubt and anxiety.

It's been more than a month since I sent him an awkward and very vulnerable text about my part that led to the break up, without really asking him if he wants to get back. He texted back 5 days later with some kind texts but his reply did not indicate that he was interested in getting back. There's been no texts from him since and I have my answer. I wish my brain would just accept this and move on.

I am so tired of fighting this. Right now, I feel like that angry, sad, helpless and lonely child who was ignored all her life by her parents. I sit with her and listen to her most days but today I'm so very tired.

alice
Full Member

Posts: 128

Tired of the constant struggle to not reach out May 17, 2020 15:08:00 GMT

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Post by alice on May 17, 2020 15:08:00 GMT

IF you stay on this path of recognizing these things on a consistent basis, it will get better. You have to build other thoughts, hopes, and just in general THINGS in your life. Try telling yourself now, it will get better. It will go up and down, but ultimately, you won't be in this place. You will also look back and be thankful that you stayed the course. Look to that kind of future with hope.

tnr9
Platinum Member

Posts: 3,781

Tired of the constant struggle to not reach out May 17, 2020 16:10:35 GMT

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Post by tnr9 on May 17, 2020 16:10:35 GMT

May 15, 2020 9:20:31 GMT BecomingMe said:

I am exhausted with telling myself that my DA ex is not the person for me. I know this. Consciously I know this. However, everyday my mind tries to tell me all the amazing ways we got along and how we were at the same wavelength and had so many things in common.

Even as I write all this, I know that if it was so amazing he would have tried to make it work. He would have shown interest. He didn't. I must accept this. I know the lockdown isn't helping and talking to him will only make me go down the same horrible path of self doubt and anxiety.

It's been more than a month since I sent him an awkward and very vulnerable text about my part that led to the break up, without really asking him if he wants to get back. He texted back 5 days later with some kind texts but his reply did not indicate that he was interested in getting back. There's been no texts from him since and I have my answer. I wish my brain would just accept this and move on.

I am so tired of fighting this. Right now, I feel like that angry, sad, helpless and lonely child who was ignored all her life by her parents. I sit with her and listen to her most days but today I'm so very tired.

Hi there...first, I want to acknowledge what you are going through and remind you that it is ok....you have a right to be exactly where you are. I am not sure where this concept of moving on so quickly came from but it is perfectly fine to say...screw this, I will take however long I take as long as it is consistent to what I want. For me, what is the main issue is the judgements I put on myself...why is this taking so long? Why can’t I just move on from him? Also, trying to take care of my little girl all on my own was a struggle...which is why I have 2-3 close friends and a therapist to help with tools etc.

BTW...I am soooooooo sorry you were ignored.....I used to say that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. I truly relate.

sending virtual hugs.

BecomingMe
Junior Member

Posts: 67

Tired of the constant struggle to not reach out May 18, 2020 14:18:24 GMT via mobile tnr9 likes this

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Post by BecomingMe on May 18, 2020 14:18:24 GMT

Thank you so much for the acknowledgement and kindness alice and tnr9. I recognise what this is - my anxious side trying to tell me that I need this connection, his connection for safety. I am consciously telling myself that isn't true. And also just sitting with my inner child has helped me so much.

During this lockdown so many of my patterns have started making sense. All I can have for myself and for that little girl who saw all sorts of horrors growing up, is a lot empathy.

tnr9, I can only imagine the struggle you must have gone through. Hope you are in a better place now. And you are right, the concept of "moving on " is different for different people.

Thank you guys again

hope you are keeping safe.