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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2020 12:43:33 GMT
hey all, just a general question and sense - how much do you think your approach to jobs/promotions/careers reflects your attachment styles? At this point, I'm feeling like I'm constantly choosing more difficult standards for myself despite fearing greatly I'll never reach it, but it feels like a let down to go to jobs that want me but aren't as great. Thought it felt like a repeat of my insecure ways.
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Post by alexandra on Jun 22, 2020 7:22:48 GMT
I think it's typical to reflect plenty.
I'd ask myself, how you're defining what "great" is, and if it's truly your standard or if you're seeing it through the lens of a standard given to you at some point (maybe by society, maybe by parents, etc).
What I found I did a lot as AP was get the job that sounded best on paper, and in regards to building an impressive resume (impressive to others), but in practice the jobs would be on teams with incredibly toxic bosses and coworkers that sometimes set me up to fail... but I'd stay way, way longer than I should because perfect on paper / seeing projected potential not reality / would blame myself for their dysfunction.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2020 9:50:42 GMT
oh, i definitely do that! "my" standards are ridiculously high because I also choose the ridiculously difficult stuff to do/follow, and i'm feeling like maybe life doesn't have to be so difficult. Yes to all you've described - I had to make a really difficult career choice these past few weeks, and I cannot tell if I'm making the best choice for myself or really just the choice that looks "best", when i could have just gone my merry way and live a better, easier life but of lower standards.
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Post by anne12 on Jun 22, 2020 10:04:52 GMT
Are you using your strengths - Marcus Bukingham jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/2467/worklife-using-strengthsWhat does your intuition say jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1970/intuitionI would also look at the way you have been raised and the sociaty you live in (the collective shadow) - does it fit into your own values ? What kind of workenviorement do you like ? What kind of work envirement and type of work fits your personality type ? Can you tune into the felt sence in how you would like your daily life to be (almost if you were making a work vision) ? What else is important in your life ? I can't remember your "former" attatchment style ? You can also look into your shadow sides ... If I'm not this high achiever always fighting for more, then who am I ? If I'm just someone enjoying life- who am I then ? Am I allowed to enjoy life ? Do I deserve to enjoy life ? I myself have found shadow work really helpful. What are your shadow words: some examples: lazy, someone who "only" likes to enjoy life, broken, dumb, less intelligent ect ? One of my shadow teachers used to work and teach with Debbie Ford, before Debbie died. Maybe you can look into some of Debbie Fords work. "When the shadow comes and knocks on your door" - it's a typical expression they use in shadow work (this often happens with people in their thirties (if you are lucky) or mid forties if not before, she says) What is "the good enough" choise - in work life, in love life, in your life in general ? |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2020 11:41:08 GMT
Thanks anne12 this is great - the shadow sides seem very useful, and I haven't actually done much of that work yet, so this is likely a sign to start! I'm Asian and raised in a very competitive society where competitiveness equates survival, not even progress. I came on the forum as a triggered AP, though I think I'm a shade of FA. I've since become much more secure in the past year, and am now focusing on my work/career issues - hence noticing more nuances than before. |
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Post by annieb on Jun 25, 2020 15:03:28 GMT
For me it’s always been validation seeking and avoidance. Lucky for me I work in interior design where that cycle is somewhat sustainable and won’t get me fired. For the time being of the project I put in so much that no one can fault me and then when the project is over I never have to speak to them again although I should - it would give me more business, but I just don’t have the time for the casual relationships after because I’m fully engrossed on someone else’s project. I’m exhausted to say the least and although I’ve had great success in my career, when I look back at it it’s more like a dream. Sometimes I don’t even remember how I did something. My projects take a lot out of me and it’s really my entire life. I live and breathe them and I’m absolutely fearfully attached to my career.
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