Post by jmb17 on Sept 13, 2017 17:15:42 GMT
I am anxious who has done tremendously well with dealing with my anxieties after discovering attachment theory. Ive been in therapy and ive read countless books.
I discovered it at the beginning of dating a FA. I read him these articles and explained everything to him and he acknowledged that this is him.
We start out great and then as soon as it gets real, he breaks up with me. He would flake last minute on things that involved meeting my friends and when I told him that was a no go for me, he came back after about a month. This happened almost every month for the past year.
Every-time we got back together, he'd say he'd work harder and make a change and get into therapy but never would.
Then our sex started to go down hill. I started to get anxious as would anyone, especially with the constant breaking up. This started to push him away and he would admit that. But what am I to do? I would tell him I just need to smallest taste of reassurance and we'll be good but he'd say he couldn't do that. A few days ago, he ended it again when he said he couldn't give me the security I need meaning he cant promise he'll not disappear again.
Its so sad because I love him and my family loves him. And we see him struggling. He grew up with a older sibling who was a vegetable and in a wheelchair and at the same time his father was battling stage 4 cancer. He would tell me all the time, he wants these emotional relationships but he never received it as a kid. He said his parents never said I love you to him.
Im a little curious because he said before me, he was in a 7-8 year relationship. Im wondering how thats possible if hes so avoidant. He said his ex was french and it was very cold. They stopped having sex the last three years and it was never allowed to be discussed. In fact, they ended up cheating on eachother. I wonder if his ex was an avoidant too? He said this was the first type of loving and open relationship he;s ever had.
So can an avoidnat be in a relationship that long?
As for him and I, ive decided to give up on him. I do love him to death but he doesn't want to improve his life whatsoever. Hes content with stressing and struggling and even admitted to being depressed.
Ive given him countless resources to therapy but he never follows through.
I dont think theres anything else I can do.
Any response and feedback is greatly appreciated.
I discovered it at the beginning of dating a FA. I read him these articles and explained everything to him and he acknowledged that this is him.
We start out great and then as soon as it gets real, he breaks up with me. He would flake last minute on things that involved meeting my friends and when I told him that was a no go for me, he came back after about a month. This happened almost every month for the past year.
Every-time we got back together, he'd say he'd work harder and make a change and get into therapy but never would.
Then our sex started to go down hill. I started to get anxious as would anyone, especially with the constant breaking up. This started to push him away and he would admit that. But what am I to do? I would tell him I just need to smallest taste of reassurance and we'll be good but he'd say he couldn't do that. A few days ago, he ended it again when he said he couldn't give me the security I need meaning he cant promise he'll not disappear again.
Its so sad because I love him and my family loves him. And we see him struggling. He grew up with a older sibling who was a vegetable and in a wheelchair and at the same time his father was battling stage 4 cancer. He would tell me all the time, he wants these emotional relationships but he never received it as a kid. He said his parents never said I love you to him.
Im a little curious because he said before me, he was in a 7-8 year relationship. Im wondering how thats possible if hes so avoidant. He said his ex was french and it was very cold. They stopped having sex the last three years and it was never allowed to be discussed. In fact, they ended up cheating on eachother. I wonder if his ex was an avoidant too? He said this was the first type of loving and open relationship he;s ever had.
So can an avoidnat be in a relationship that long?
As for him and I, ive decided to give up on him. I do love him to death but he doesn't want to improve his life whatsoever. Hes content with stressing and struggling and even admitted to being depressed.
Ive given him countless resources to therapy but he never follows through.
I dont think theres anything else I can do.
Any response and feedback is greatly appreciated.