Post by lionesse0405 on Jul 15, 2020 20:05:40 GMT
Hi y'all,
I (female, AP, late 30ies) was wondering if someone experienced the same.
I broke up with my DA (male, late 30ies) 6 weeks ago. We had an on/off limbo for almost 2,5 years.
I am in therapy, I am doing yoga and meditation, I practice self-acceptance and reading a lot about attachment styles.
My usual pattern was to stay in contact with that person somehow, being sucked in again every time he reached out and I was always trying to "make things work". I forgave him every time he came back although he was cruel and dismissive. He ghosted me sometimes for months, and then came back. The typical cycle. I was bending over backwards to adjust to his behavior.
After THIS break-up (I basically ghosted him out of the blue, after he treated me really poorly and blocked him on social media) I have not the slightest urge to get back together with him. There is nothing!
I almost feel guilty for setting boundaries and blocking him and leaving him by ghosting in June. But I don't even feel the need to text him or see him or talk to him, which is totally uncommon for me. Because I know, when he comes back he will talk about dating other women (this is his behavioral pattern: dating females while ghosting me), "falling in love", having hour-long skypes with them, having sex with them. This is so much pain that I simply cannot go through this again. (in the past I could, just to have him back)
Is there anyone experiencing the same? Is this healing? Is this healthy behavior? Is this a workaround to avoid pain?
I am asking because over the past years I had a different behavior and this new behavior is so strange to me that I am really confused.
Thank you!
Edit: I just recognized that I maybe posted in the wrong section. Can someone shift the thread to a better place?
I (female, AP, late 30ies) was wondering if someone experienced the same.
I broke up with my DA (male, late 30ies) 6 weeks ago. We had an on/off limbo for almost 2,5 years.
I am in therapy, I am doing yoga and meditation, I practice self-acceptance and reading a lot about attachment styles.
My usual pattern was to stay in contact with that person somehow, being sucked in again every time he reached out and I was always trying to "make things work". I forgave him every time he came back although he was cruel and dismissive. He ghosted me sometimes for months, and then came back. The typical cycle. I was bending over backwards to adjust to his behavior.
After THIS break-up (I basically ghosted him out of the blue, after he treated me really poorly and blocked him on social media) I have not the slightest urge to get back together with him. There is nothing!
I almost feel guilty for setting boundaries and blocking him and leaving him by ghosting in June. But I don't even feel the need to text him or see him or talk to him, which is totally uncommon for me. Because I know, when he comes back he will talk about dating other women (this is his behavioral pattern: dating females while ghosting me), "falling in love", having hour-long skypes with them, having sex with them. This is so much pain that I simply cannot go through this again. (in the past I could, just to have him back)
Is there anyone experiencing the same? Is this healing? Is this healthy behavior? Is this a workaround to avoid pain?
I am asking because over the past years I had a different behavior and this new behavior is so strange to me that I am really confused.
Thank you!
Edit: I just recognized that I maybe posted in the wrong section. Can someone shift the thread to a better place?
While our experiences are not the same, it seems correct that your listed therapies and mind/body practices have shifted your response to triggers, so that past dynamics are not as intrusive within your present! That is a good thing, please continue to do whatever is working for you to stay bound to the present moment, staying open to the self-acceptance you've acquired. Kudos!
