annes
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by annes on Jul 17, 2020 8:05:12 GMT
It's been almost a year that I haven't heard from him and still fantasize all the time about him. No matter how I try to distract myself and to keep myself busy, his thought is always there. I am honestly shocked by his complete lack of communication since then. We broke up with very nice words, saying that we love each other because of a long distance situation. But still I just can't move on. Rationally, I know I am wasting my time, but something keeps me trapped there. I keep believing he will reach out one day or another. He won't. I read that DAs see you as "dead" when they break up. So I am dead to him. I just can't believe this. I know that i should work on myself etc but i also know that this obsession can stop only falling in love again with someone else. I am very aware of the attachment patterns and triggers but still find myself unable to act in a different way, despite therapy.
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Post by annieb on Jul 17, 2020 15:24:52 GMT
Are you on medication? You sound like you have a low level depression, meds could help with that. Other than that you just have to keep grinding. He’s become your fantasy relationship & phantom ex. You need to realize that it is a trick your mind plays on you so that you would keep your self worth and validation outside of yourself. If he ever comes back - your self worth would be validated. See what a trap you’ve set up for yourself?
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Post by simply on Jul 20, 2020 17:51:43 GMT
I'm sorry to hear that. I feel you. I am also in therapy for almost 3 years now and only in the last few months I feel differently about my object of affection. I also knew logically it wasn't meant to be, I'm wasting time, etc etc but I really FEEL these things in my heart right now that has been a huge shift for me. Hang in there.......what really helps I find (after a very long time) is inner child work + love of a secure therapist + emdr + angering/crying (grieving) my losses from the attachment disorder.
All the best.
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