Post by simply on Jul 20, 2020 17:30:31 GMT
Hi I'm female in mid - to late 30s, AP. I am really coming out of my limerance addiction to a man I was so 'in love' with that I spent time with sporadically, didn't even enter an exclusive relationship or was sexual. But I do NOT know why I was so drawn to him, this is my biggest and longest one. I wasted 2 years having a fantasy in my mind. I read about limerance in wikipedia saying this comes from attachment trauma issues. I feel so much hate, grief and anger for what I went through. I have stopped engaging with him, I changed my phone number and stay away from places he goes, I know I don't want to put myself through being near this person or being in contact though I've done no contact for 7 months / 5 months/ 3 months / 1 month or so and then relapsed again and again. I am really seeing it for what it is now. But I still think about it sometimes and I feel a LOT Of emotions about it mostly ANGER. I am so angry at myself or at him?
I hope I can come to terms with it. For the most part, at least I have come out of the limerance or fantasy stage or not wanting to give up the hope which was the worst part apart from the longing. HOPE + Longing = utter agony. I lost sleep, was in deep anxiety, he kept coming into my dreams and nightmares and it's always that I cannot find him or get him or he leaves me. I'm in therapy and on meds and I'm focusing on my own personal goals and I know that he cannot fix my wounds. Only being in therapy and working on my past can.
However I want to say I have not really felt like I fit in on these forums because most of the posts were people in relationships with their DAs/FAs I wasn't....I just wanted to share my progress which means a LOT to me, because
1. I was able to be direct, honest and spoke up my feelings, needs & boundaries to him after 2 years. I could never do that in my childhood or even with him before as I was always adapting and accommodating to him letting him set the tone & pace.
2. I finally am seeing him and myself for what we are. That he isn't God. And I'm not a piece of shit.
3. I KNOW he isn't for me.
4. I do everything to keep my distance because my well being is more important than getting intermittent bread crumbs or 'false hope'.
5. I was feeling angry (at least for the first time rather than rejected ) and then chasing him harder.
I hope I can come to terms with it. For the most part, at least I have come out of the limerance or fantasy stage or not wanting to give up the hope which was the worst part apart from the longing. HOPE + Longing = utter agony. I lost sleep, was in deep anxiety, he kept coming into my dreams and nightmares and it's always that I cannot find him or get him or he leaves me. I'm in therapy and on meds and I'm focusing on my own personal goals and I know that he cannot fix my wounds. Only being in therapy and working on my past can.However I want to say I have not really felt like I fit in on these forums because most of the posts were people in relationships with their DAs/FAs I wasn't....I just wanted to share my progress which means a LOT to me, because
1. I was able to be direct, honest and spoke up my feelings, needs & boundaries to him after 2 years. I could never do that in my childhood or even with him before as I was always adapting and accommodating to him letting him set the tone & pace.
2. I finally am seeing him and myself for what we are. That he isn't God. And I'm not a piece of shit.
3. I KNOW he isn't for me.
4. I do everything to keep my distance because my well being is more important than getting intermittent bread crumbs or 'false hope'.
5. I was feeling angry (at least for the first time rather than rejected ) and then chasing him harder.