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Post by attach3d on Aug 4, 2020 12:28:17 GMT
Of the three insecure styles, with whom might the secure individual most likely have a fulfilling and satisfying relationship -- AP, FA, DA?
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Post by alexandra on Aug 4, 2020 17:46:08 GMT
Depends what you mean by fulfilling. Of the ones I've seen, it's any type that is aware insecure (versus unaware) and dedicated to being and staying in the relationship as much as possible. Bonus if they're also dedicated to working on managing their issues (even if not necessarily trying to all out earn secure). But usually I see the secures happier with this are the ones who had a mixed family background, with some unstable relatives in that mix, because they are more familiar with the quirks and patterns, and feel more comfortable and less confused about temporarily emotionally supporting themselves fully when necessary (ie someone else is triggered).
Aware / unaware doesn't mean of attachment theory and speaking of things in those terms. I am defining it as aware they have issues of some sort and interest in taking responsibility for trying to manage them, not blaming their partner for their own behaviors.
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Post by kittygirl on Aug 5, 2020 15:56:47 GMT
FWIW this question was brought up on the attachment subreddit I go to sometimes and some secures (or earned secures) chimed in and the consensus sort of seemed to be that of the insecure attachment types, avoidant is the least attractive (someone said that once they earned secure, avoidants became "repellent" to them). I think secures can have an easier time with APs because they can deal better with the reassurance requirements. I don't know how general this all is but it's food for thought
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Post by attach3d on Aug 5, 2020 22:15:08 GMT
Do you have a link to that thread, kittygirl? |
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AM
New Member
Posts: 41 
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Post by AM on Aug 5, 2020 22:30:45 GMT
Of the three insecure styles, with whom might the secure individual most likely have a fulfilling and satisfying relationship -- AP, FA, DA? None of the above, true story. It is what it is, there may be varying levels of mediocre satisfaction or fulfillment within Insecure attachment dynamics, which to a Secure, would not be interpreted as loving well or joy. However, if you are a Secure attachment, guard the golden Secure qualities with your life, value yourself and the royal inner circle you encircle others and yourself within. Empathy, compassion, seeing and hearing others, making a meaningful difference etc. are all wonderful human qualities, and we are social creatures, who necessarily bond with others for survival of our species. Insecure are just part of the human mix. However, in order for Secure qualities to make a most effective difference in any life, would be to save yourself first, do not allow your attachment system to activate or become attached to an Insecure if indeed you are truly searching for a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. As a 'mature' Secure, this statement is an acknowledgement that statistically, the chances of dating or having a relationship with another mature Secure is next to nil...the numbers are just not there. So I enjoy Secure attachment in other, less deeply 'fulfilling' connections, however, I am satisfied, but have memories of Secure/Secure bonding of family members passed too early, and long time friendships, to go back to and enjoy in my heart and soul as often as I choose! |
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Post by attach3d on Aug 6, 2020 0:01:02 GMT
I always enjoy reading your responses, AM. Wish there was a 'Like' button  |
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AM
New Member
Posts: 41
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Post by AM on Aug 6, 2020 0:15:18 GMT
I always enjoy reading your responses, AM . Wish there was a 'Like' button LOL I was thinking the same thing about your posts a short while ago attach3d |
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Post by Dualcitizen on Aug 6, 2020 1:57:08 GMT
I've never ever dated a D-A (I just found out an old friend from school, we're not very close anymore, actually identifies as D-A somewhat, he himself still in an anxious-avoidant trap but working on it hard as he has a child involved), and I doubt I ever would, particularly after what I experienced with the F-A and the intermittent reinforcement, walking on eggshells, and reading up on it all the past 18 months.
It probably would be safe to assume chances are higher for success with an A-P, "IF" they are working on themselves and upfront as much as possible, I can see that working. I have a good female friend, who is A-P admitted, and she has her moments my god, but she is kind at her core and empathic, very redeeming qualities.
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Post by kittygirl on Aug 6, 2020 16:18:32 GMT
Do you have a link to that thread, kittygirl ? I went back and tried to find it but reddit really makes things tough to find when they are old (or it could have been deleted). I guess it actually dealt more with "attraction" than relationships though so perhaps a slightly different question than you are posing here. Thais Gibson has some videos on secure/insecure attachment if you haven't seen those already
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