Fighting as a substitute for intimacy

I used to think that fighting showed that my partner loved me. I used to pick fights to get the attention of my partner. My father would often lose his temper with me and in my world I saw that as love and connection. Strange but true. I have started fights or literally cried because I thought it would bring my partner closer to me and it did, but it always backfired. Fighting is only healthy if both sides are heard and a resolution is sought. If only one side is heard then that balance is never achieved, it's just one more failed connection which starts driving our partners away. They start avoiding you and calling you 'emotional' I actually had a boyfriend that when we fought we often wound up having sex afterwards to make up, however the fight itself was never resolved. So in the end, brief intimacy is achieved but security is lost. I'm learning to adapt boundaries and effective communication to achieve intimacy and not fighting/protest/crying -- it simply doesn't work in the long run.