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Post by tnr9 on Aug 5, 2020 14:38:08 GMT
So last night I needed some background tv and decided to watch recovery boys on Netflix. For anyone unfamiliar with the show, it follows 4 young men ranging from 23-35 as they try to recover from heroin addiction. I have seen this show before and know the outcome for each of them...so I thought it was a safe show to rewatch. As the show was progressing, Ryan, the oldest and most committed one to change was my favorite and I thought...this is a good sign....I am choosing someone who is on his path and making good choices (not to spoil it for anyone but he becomes a certified addiction councilor). So...towards the end, the film crew follows up with Adam, the youngest one who has ended up back home and relapsed. They are talking to him about what he has been up to and he shares that he has been watching a lot of TV and asked the crew (in a broken voice, revealing his emotional state) if they have watched the walking dead. I lost it...or should I admit...my little girl lost it....it was bye, bye Ryan and hello Adam....and I felt what I must have initially felt with B. It is really hard to pull apart the emotions...but it comes across as love....like a button has been pressed and now I am “on” with butterflies and hope and a desire to care for this man (let’s just admit right here that it is a hurt little girl feeling/seeing a hurt little boy). It is a rush that feels like being woken from a slumber....and it isn’t real. Let’s just put aside for a moment the impossibility of this....tv show, huge age difference....but here I am “again” falling for a pattern. I have therapy today...thank goodness....because I want to get to the root of what lights me up so I can deactivate that button. More to come.
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Post by kittygirl on Aug 5, 2020 17:36:14 GMT
Just out of curiosity-I know you said you are doing somatic therapy-do you ever try using the centering techniques to "bring you back" when you are feeling in a place of high "arousal" like this? I know we are typically taught to use the techniques when we are in highly distressing situations (like for me when my anxiety is really high), but I have also been trying to use them when I am in an overly aroused feeling on the other end as well (it's not "joy" or "elation"...it's like deep arousal from attachment) in order to strengthen those healthier neural pathways. Because obviously you know this isn't about the guy at all...it really is about your attachment wounds being activated. I don't know if you try to do that but watching the show and getting your attachment stuff agitated might be a great opportunity to work on rewiring that stuff I dunno.
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 6, 2020 2:55:02 GMT
Just out of curiosity-I know you said you are doing somatic therapy-do you ever try using the centering techniques to "bring you back" when you are feeling in a place of high "arousal" like this? I know we are typically taught to use the techniques when we are in highly distressing situations (like for me when my anxiety is really high), but I have also been trying to use them when I am in an overly aroused feeling on the other end as well (it's not "joy" or "elation"...it's like deep arousal from attachment) in order to strengthen those healthier neural pathways. Because obviously you know this isn't about the guy at all...it really is about your attachment wounds being activated. I don't know if you try to do that but watching the show and getting your attachment stuff agitated might be a great opportunity to work on rewiring that stuff I dunno. Yeh...my therapist and I discussed my need for “grounding” which I believe is basically the same thing. The great thing about this time was that I could talk about the feelings without going full tilt into them and losing myself...which is what happened with B. I truly believe the medication has helped me to gain a higher perspective on things. She and I also discussed where this longing, this hope originated from....which, unsurprisingly is a direct result of my father disengaging after the divorce. It really was a good session. |
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