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Post by Hellomyfriend01 on Aug 13, 2020 18:24:48 GMT
Does anyone else treat or deal with thoughts based on anxious attachment, such as internal panic or fear of being left forever, like intrusive thoughts?
I have received CBT for intrusive thoughts that come along with OCD in the past but have never really considered my thoughts associated with attachment to be the same thing? I deal with my other intrusive thoughts well now.... wondered if this could work with the horrible thoughts and behaviours that come with anxious preoccupied?
Anyone else take this approach or have any opinions on it?
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Post by alexandra on Aug 13, 2020 19:39:49 GMT
I agree you need to do that, but it's only one part of a couple steps that need to be taken together. Getting triggered into anxious rumination often has a root cause and isn't necessarily like OCD, which to my understanding is more tied to genetic disposition (attachment style may have some genetic disposition but seems more likely driven by environmental factors). The challenge with attachment is it developed so young that as an adult you're somewhat disconnected from what that root cause really is (due to the attachment style itself being a defense mechanism allowing you to cope better with childhood circumstances, which piled layers and nervous system conditioning on over time and so contributes to the disconnection from self -- even though that is no longer necessary as an adult).
So it's possible to actually address the root cause and stop the triggering altogether. Learning to manage it first, for example through CBT techniques or possibly through somatic experience therapy which seems to work for many on this board, aids you in being in a better mindset overall to create the space for yourself to not get triggered as much and get to that root cause.
For me personally, I needed to do 3 things to work out my AP, which really means processing and healing the underlying trauma to recondition your nervous system: 1. figure out how to understand my triggers and manage myself when they happened so I could sit with them and let them pass (as you're trying to figure out how to do) -- eventually, I realized they were always related to fear of abandonment, which is typical for AP 2. build up my sense of self, identity, and self acceptance ie don't let others define me, learn to trust myself, and not abandon myself 3. figure out what caused my AP over generations, and reframe the narrative -- giving it words, being able to communicate it to myself and accept it happened but isn't necessarily inherent to my identity and personality and then process it instead of letting it sit stuck (which happens because whatever circumstances caused it happened when you were too young to have better coping and processing mechanisms and skills).
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Post by annieb on Aug 14, 2020 14:52:47 GMT
That sounds like a great therapy. I’ve only ever been to talk therapy, but even that helped me interrupt the negative thought loop. And start with positive affirmations. The big hurdle for me was recognizing that the thoughts were running, since it’s so automatic. Once I recognized them, it’s almost like they are completely gone now, because I know that feeling immediately, and it stops immediately. And I’m right away saying: “Aww!”.
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Post by Hellomyfriend01 on Aug 14, 2020 21:21:50 GMT
Thank you so much for your replies I have been in psychotherapy and learned all of those 3 steps... but learning about them and knowing it’s needed is one thing... actually putting it into play is why I’m struggling with. I have improved massively trying to manage the behaviours and I understand why I am conditioned to think/ feel this way from childhood, however still finding this hard to apply so it makes massive difference in my adult life. Like I say I am doing better now than I ever have but still so debilitating at times. If you don’t mind me asking what is somatic experience therapy?
Thank you
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Post by alexandra on Aug 14, 2020 21:45:47 GMT
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Post by kittygirl on Aug 15, 2020 18:39:16 GMT
Thank you so much for your replies I have been in psychotherapy and learned all of those 3 steps... but learning about them and knowing it’s needed is one thing... actually putting it into play is why I’m struggling with. I have improved massively trying to manage the behaviours and I understand why I am conditioned to think/ feel this way from childhood, however still finding this hard to apply so it makes massive difference in my adult life. Like I say I am doing better now than I ever have but still so debilitating at times. If you don’t mind me asking what is somatic experience therapy? Thank you Hello! I am currently in somatic experiencing therapy (have been for 2 months). I will briefly explain the foundation upon which it is based and then explain a little of how it's helped me (and ANYONE else who wants to chime in please do also!)
So the idea is that when we store memories we also tack on a little emotional tag when they are logged away (it's why you might laugh recalling a funny story of yoou and your friends that happened decades ago). When those memories are conscious, then it is very easy for us to link the emotion to the memory (I remember when my cat died and that makes me so sad). But when those memories are stored SUB consciously, the emotion remains while the conscious memory does not. So we suddenly might feel the ACTUAL feeling of dying if say (and this is a huge one for me) there is a sense of disconnection in the relationship. I'm not thinking "oh I remember when i was a child and I felt disconnected to my parents and that made me feel ljike my life was at stake" So instead we focus on the EMOTION part (oh god oh god I am going to die) and every time we do this, we actually STRENGTHEN those neural pathways associated with those painful memories because we are focusing on them over and over. Somatic experiencing effectively uses body sensations (thats where the somatic comes from) to effectively break those painful neural pathways and strengthen NEW and healthy ones.
For me, this looks like: checking in with my body ALL the time during the day. Where am I feeling sensations? For me, anxiety is held a lot in my lower throat and upper chest. Then, I focus on a body part that is totally neutral or even good feeling. I just think about what that feels like. At first, it was very hard and I had to REALLY concentrate. Now however, it's becoming so easy for me and I notice that I have genuinely fewer triggers throughout the day which is AWESOME. Not only that, but I am also able to (OFTEN) pull myself down AFTER I have been triggered anxious which is truly a miracle. It not perfect yet by ANY means, but as I told my therapist "I will gladly take a 7/10 anxiety over a 10/10 anxiety".It really does seem to work that the pathways start to get strengthened because it's easier and easier for me to relax now.
I am in the midst of some pullback behavior on the part of my partner (who is heavily FA) and when that happens and I feel a disconnect, all those painful PAINFUL and TERRIFYING feelings start to come back. But I am using my techniques and it helps me to a) just be able to not be in a state of fear and then b) start to think more clearly and give myself rational thoughts which leads to c) not having the uncontrollable desire to BOLT and ultimately d) feel as though I can COMMUNICATE my fears with my partner (which is the ultimate goal)
I have also been taking a ton of Thais Gibsons courses in addition to my therapy and that has been invaluable (though that mostly deals mainly with the ROMANTIC piece whereas the somatic therapy helps with every aspect of my life)
I hope this helps!
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