|
|
Post by mrob on May 2, 2018 23:03:35 GMT
Thanks folks. I’m actually ok. There were non attachment related aspects that weren’t right for me. What wasn’t working for her was definitely attachment related. Certainly a learning experience! Honestly...I find the whole..."there were non attachment aspects that weren't right for me" fascinating. I think it is definately a healthier way to go, but I have always found myself to be very invested (probably too invested) early on and once I am invested, I tend not to look objectively at compatibility aspects. Just something that I will want to work on going forward. [ I find that amazing, but absolutely accurate. Surely dating is to assess compatibility. Under the cloak of anonymity, why not hang the dirty washing out. The way she deals with life and the accrual of resentment, I can’t live with. I don’t have the outlet of “taking the edge off” to do that. So, very important non attachment related aspects. The attachment flip out I had the other week highlighted this. She ended it when she couldn’t talk to me at an agreed time. With kids, sometimes things go awry. I only needed a few minutes, but that was seen as rejection. So, yep, I’m a bit empty, but not heartbroken, and she is free to live her life as she chooses. |
|
|
|
Post by yasmin on May 3, 2018 0:16:35 GMT
mrob she sounds like hard work! Also totally unreasonable but remember that behavior can also be AP so if she is AP then that side can cause dumping over frivolous stuff when someone is being avoidant. Maybe a bad mix!
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on May 3, 2018 1:01:48 GMT
Honestly...I find the whole..."there were non attachment aspects that weren't right for me" fascinating. I think it is definately a healthier way to go, but I have always found myself to be very invested (probably too invested) early on and once I am invested, I tend not to look objectively at compatibility aspects. Just something that I will want to work on going forward. [ I find that amazing, but absolutely accurate. Surely dating is to assess compatibility. Under the cloak of anonymity, why not hang the dirty washing out. The way she deals with life and the accrual of resentment, I can’t live with. I don’t have the outlet of “taking the edge off” to do that. So, very important non attachment related aspects. The attachment flip out I had the other week highlighted this. She ended it when she couldn’t talk to me at an agreed time. With kids, sometimes things go awry. I only needed a few minutes, but that was seen as rejection. So, yep, I’m a bit empty, but not heartbroken, and she is free to live her life as she chooses. Thank you mrob for sharing....I am not that brave and will likely answer Mary's question to me in a private message as I don't think what I do is specifically AP as much as it is "me". |
|
|
|
Post by mrob on May 3, 2018 21:23:38 GMT
That’s a real shame @trn9, because the insight into the process is what actually makes this forum worthwhile.
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on May 3, 2018 21:37:47 GMT
That’s a real shame @trn9, because the insight into the process is what actually makes this forum worthwhile. Yeh...but I always have to balance sharing for the sake of the process against the perceived judgement from a bunch of unknown Internet "lurkers". Some things are best kept to a smaller audience. |
|
