Post by iz42 on Aug 22, 2020 20:57:48 GMT
I’ve met three people from dating apps in a socially distanced manner the past few weeks. I haven’t felt like I clicked with any of them. I also didn’t feel attracted to any of them in person. When people ask me out, I tend to say yes even when I can’t tell from the photos whether I think they are attractive (I want to give them the benefit of the doubt). I also tend to say yes to second dates with people I don’t click with just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings (also bc there’s always a chance I’m feeling repelled because they are actually secure). I’ve learned my lesson from that though and I trust myself more now. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.
Physical attraction is pretty important to me, but when I admit that I’m not attracted to someone I wonder if I’m being superficial. It’s frustrating because it does seem like an important component of a romantic relationship and I rarely find people I’m attracted to who want to meet up on dating apps. In the past I’ve dated people I wasn’t physically attracted to, sometimes for years at a time, because I was AP and I thought they were secure. that seemed more important than attraction. Looking back, those guys were actually AP too and the reason we stayed together was when they became anxious, I felt bad turning them down, so I just went along with it. I see how problematic that was now. I’m trying really hard to break these patterns.
All three of the guys I’ve gone out with recently talked quite a bit about recent past relationships, which felt like oversharing for a first date. Especially with the most recent two people, I found that we really didn’t have much in common. The guy I met this week texted me multiple times each day after we went out and I started to feel like he was acting anxious. I eventually told him I didn’t feel a romantic connection but that I’d enjoyed meeting him and would want to be friends. He responded that he didn’t feel a connection either, he just wanted to meet smart adults like me (
). I absolutely hate rejecting people, but I’m done with trying to force it when I’m not attracted. At the same time, I want to give people a chance because if someone seems boring, maybe they are actually secure and not setting off my attachment issues?? That part is confusing. If we literally don’t have anything in common, I’m not sure how it can work even if they ARE secure. I’m finding it easier to walk away from situations that don’t feel right but it’s tough out there!!!!
Physical attraction is pretty important to me, but when I admit that I’m not attracted to someone I wonder if I’m being superficial. It’s frustrating because it does seem like an important component of a romantic relationship and I rarely find people I’m attracted to who want to meet up on dating apps. In the past I’ve dated people I wasn’t physically attracted to, sometimes for years at a time, because I was AP and I thought they were secure. that seemed more important than attraction. Looking back, those guys were actually AP too and the reason we stayed together was when they became anxious, I felt bad turning them down, so I just went along with it. I see how problematic that was now. I’m trying really hard to break these patterns.
All three of the guys I’ve gone out with recently talked quite a bit about recent past relationships, which felt like oversharing for a first date. Especially with the most recent two people, I found that we really didn’t have much in common. The guy I met this week texted me multiple times each day after we went out and I started to feel like he was acting anxious. I eventually told him I didn’t feel a romantic connection but that I’d enjoyed meeting him and would want to be friends. He responded that he didn’t feel a connection either, he just wanted to meet smart adults like me (
). I absolutely hate rejecting people, but I’m done with trying to force it when I’m not attracted. At the same time, I want to give people a chance because if someone seems boring, maybe they are actually secure and not setting off my attachment issues?? That part is confusing. If we literally don’t have anything in common, I’m not sure how it can work even if they ARE secure. I’m finding it easier to walk away from situations that don’t feel right but it’s tough out there!!!!
