Post by trevjim on Sept 29, 2017 16:12:39 GMT
So im quite codependent (just come to terms with this and making steps to work through it)
Years ago I split from an EX who i believe had borderline personality disorder, realizing she had it, explained her behaviors and stopped me blaming myself, it really helped me move on. which brings me to my current issue....
Ive was dumped by a girl on my birthday (yep!) 3 days ago. truth be told im pretty upset about it, and trying to make sense of it all. despite only dating for 2 months i got quite attached(something im working on)
Reading about, it sounds to me that she was 'dismissive avoidant'
we got on really well, and truth be told the first month was great.
after we had sex one time (she was very sexual) she told me how much she likes me, I replied i liked her alot and if it continued as it was, then id like her to be my girlfriend somewhere down the line. She replied by saying she has commitment issues and has walls up, she is scared of getting hurt and hurting me. she just wants to date and see what happens. No problem i thought, i respect that and can help bring those walls down (my codependency shining through)
so we carried on dating and having fun but i did sense a slight change in her, nothing major just a vibe she wasnt as into me as before.
one time her mum referred to me as her BF, she told her mum off for using that word, in a comical way but it still picked up my attention. I questioned her about it and she said we are just fuck buddies for now and maybe somewhere down the line we will be BF/GF. She did however say we are exclusive and isnt seeing anyone else nor would she sleep with anyone else, and to be fair, i dont feel she was.
a couple of weeks go by and we still have fun, although as i said, i felt she was pulling away, which made me push, despite my best efforts not to show it. we had a couple of arguments about me 'pushing' (i really dont feel i was and was quite confused that the arguments came up as i hadnt really done anything) one time she said she cant commit because "its not you its me" said she doenst like talking about her emotions
so we went out for my birthday for a meal, it went really well, i didnt push or say anything and then towards the end she said"i dont think i want a relationship any time soon" to which i replied "why are we even dating then?" and then it spiralled into an argument and apparently i pushed her too much and she ended it. she says i was being pushy but i wasnt, and i feel she provoked me into an argument so she could have a reason to dump me.
I was really confused, we got on so well, and she did really seem to like me, but ever since i mentioned about defining the relationship, things changed, she 'didnt feel the need for labels'
i know no one on her can diagnose her from my mumbling post, but it to me seems like she had dismissive avoidant tendencies? or perhaps she was just never that into me/ someone else came along
she told me she was with her ex for 5 years, and it wasnt a great relationship, they should of just been friends, and saying 'I love you' took a long time for her. apparently they dated for 6 - 12 months before they became official and alot of yo-yo'ing when they split. she said they would go days, sometimes a week without contact, not even a text.
she is also friends with all her ex's and wanted to be with me too. i said ok and left it on good terms but have been 'no contact' since.
EDIT* forgot to add, she had a troublesome childhood with her dad when very young and step dad in teens. she has a very promiscuous attitude to sex. she doesnt care about money, to the point she is quite reckless, and just wants to constantly travel the world with no care for future plans.
Years ago I split from an EX who i believe had borderline personality disorder, realizing she had it, explained her behaviors and stopped me blaming myself, it really helped me move on. which brings me to my current issue....
Ive was dumped by a girl on my birthday (yep!) 3 days ago. truth be told im pretty upset about it, and trying to make sense of it all. despite only dating for 2 months i got quite attached(something im working on)
Reading about, it sounds to me that she was 'dismissive avoidant'
we got on really well, and truth be told the first month was great.
after we had sex one time (she was very sexual) she told me how much she likes me, I replied i liked her alot and if it continued as it was, then id like her to be my girlfriend somewhere down the line. She replied by saying she has commitment issues and has walls up, she is scared of getting hurt and hurting me. she just wants to date and see what happens. No problem i thought, i respect that and can help bring those walls down (my codependency shining through)
so we carried on dating and having fun but i did sense a slight change in her, nothing major just a vibe she wasnt as into me as before.
one time her mum referred to me as her BF, she told her mum off for using that word, in a comical way but it still picked up my attention. I questioned her about it and she said we are just fuck buddies for now and maybe somewhere down the line we will be BF/GF. She did however say we are exclusive and isnt seeing anyone else nor would she sleep with anyone else, and to be fair, i dont feel she was.
a couple of weeks go by and we still have fun, although as i said, i felt she was pulling away, which made me push, despite my best efforts not to show it. we had a couple of arguments about me 'pushing' (i really dont feel i was and was quite confused that the arguments came up as i hadnt really done anything) one time she said she cant commit because "its not you its me" said she doenst like talking about her emotions
so we went out for my birthday for a meal, it went really well, i didnt push or say anything and then towards the end she said"i dont think i want a relationship any time soon" to which i replied "why are we even dating then?" and then it spiralled into an argument and apparently i pushed her too much and she ended it. she says i was being pushy but i wasnt, and i feel she provoked me into an argument so she could have a reason to dump me.
I was really confused, we got on so well, and she did really seem to like me, but ever since i mentioned about defining the relationship, things changed, she 'didnt feel the need for labels'
i know no one on her can diagnose her from my mumbling post, but it to me seems like she had dismissive avoidant tendencies? or perhaps she was just never that into me/ someone else came along
she told me she was with her ex for 5 years, and it wasnt a great relationship, they should of just been friends, and saying 'I love you' took a long time for her. apparently they dated for 6 - 12 months before they became official and alot of yo-yo'ing when they split. she said they would go days, sometimes a week without contact, not even a text.
she is also friends with all her ex's and wanted to be with me too. i said ok and left it on good terms but have been 'no contact' since.
EDIT* forgot to add, she had a troublesome childhood with her dad when very young and step dad in teens. she has a very promiscuous attitude to sex. she doesnt care about money, to the point she is quite reckless, and just wants to constantly travel the world with no care for future plans.
