Post by mitchhed on Oct 6, 2017 2:03:49 GMT
Hi, I'm new here. I'll explain my situation.
I met this woman a few years ago. I was instantly attracted to her. She is beautiful. Ill let you all know now that I met her at a 12 step meeting, as we both have issues with substance abuse. And I also realize that is frowned upon. But anyway, we exchanged numbers and spoke a little bit. But at that time I realized she wasnt too serious about her sobriety so I quit contacting her then. If it matters, I'm still sober to this day.
Fast forward to this year. By this time she had returned to the meetings and had achieved some time sober. She also had a few children and was in a relationship with a man whom she claimed mistreated her. She ended it with this man at the beginning of this year.
We were friends on social media and she sent me a message. We talked some throughout the evening. I'm not one to beat around the bush so I escalated things. She played hard to get lol, and I just chalked it up to a loss. But she messaged me again a few weeks later and things began to escalate from there.
The first night I went over her place I realized that she was drinking. And honestly, I let my carnal instincts take over and I was willing to overlook her drinking. Not the best move on my part, but that's what I did.
Over the ensuing weeks we fell into a pattern of spending time with each other from Friday to Monday. We would go out, eat, hangout at home, hiking, stuff like that. The sex was incredible.
Looking back, there were some obvious red flags I overlooked. But its wierd because she pursued me also up until the last week of our "relationship". The only semi argument we had was one night at around 1 am she kicked me out of bed, saying she wanted the bed to herself. Yeah that made me grumpy so i just went home.
A few weeks after that is when things got wierd. This was on a Monday. The anniversary of my sobriety to be exact. She was smashed drunk and told me that she is too toxic for me. It was a really strange night. She went from dancing in the living room, to crying on the couch, to lying in her bed, to trying to rip my clothes off all in a matter of minutes. We spoke sporadically throughout the week. But as the weekend came around she didnt ask me to hangout, and i didnt ask her.
I really just thought she was ghosting but after happening upon this attachment theory, I truly believe she displayed some avoidant characteristics. The wanting to sleep alone. Being in another room constantly. Fearful of putting a label on us. The intensity outside the relationship is her drinking. Etc..
After reading through all this stuff I believe I'm on the anxious end of the spectrum. I believe I unknowingly accelerated her decision by being "needy"
I guess what I'm asking for here is some hope and encouragement. I still have to see her a few times a week and it's difficult. I see her at meetings and she's also a hairdresser and she comes to my house to do my roomates hair.
It's odd because after all this she goes out of her way to sit near me and talk to me still. And last week she conveniently left her hairdresser bag at my house only to come back to get it when only i was here. I just feel so awkward talking to her now. I feel stupid because I actually felt a connection.
Can someone shed some light on how to deal? Please?
I met this woman a few years ago. I was instantly attracted to her. She is beautiful. Ill let you all know now that I met her at a 12 step meeting, as we both have issues with substance abuse. And I also realize that is frowned upon. But anyway, we exchanged numbers and spoke a little bit. But at that time I realized she wasnt too serious about her sobriety so I quit contacting her then. If it matters, I'm still sober to this day.
Fast forward to this year. By this time she had returned to the meetings and had achieved some time sober. She also had a few children and was in a relationship with a man whom she claimed mistreated her. She ended it with this man at the beginning of this year.
We were friends on social media and she sent me a message. We talked some throughout the evening. I'm not one to beat around the bush so I escalated things. She played hard to get lol, and I just chalked it up to a loss. But she messaged me again a few weeks later and things began to escalate from there.
The first night I went over her place I realized that she was drinking. And honestly, I let my carnal instincts take over and I was willing to overlook her drinking. Not the best move on my part, but that's what I did.
Over the ensuing weeks we fell into a pattern of spending time with each other from Friday to Monday. We would go out, eat, hangout at home, hiking, stuff like that. The sex was incredible.
Looking back, there were some obvious red flags I overlooked. But its wierd because she pursued me also up until the last week of our "relationship". The only semi argument we had was one night at around 1 am she kicked me out of bed, saying she wanted the bed to herself. Yeah that made me grumpy so i just went home.
A few weeks after that is when things got wierd. This was on a Monday. The anniversary of my sobriety to be exact. She was smashed drunk and told me that she is too toxic for me. It was a really strange night. She went from dancing in the living room, to crying on the couch, to lying in her bed, to trying to rip my clothes off all in a matter of minutes. We spoke sporadically throughout the week. But as the weekend came around she didnt ask me to hangout, and i didnt ask her.
I really just thought she was ghosting but after happening upon this attachment theory, I truly believe she displayed some avoidant characteristics. The wanting to sleep alone. Being in another room constantly. Fearful of putting a label on us. The intensity outside the relationship is her drinking. Etc..
After reading through all this stuff I believe I'm on the anxious end of the spectrum. I believe I unknowingly accelerated her decision by being "needy"
I guess what I'm asking for here is some hope and encouragement. I still have to see her a few times a week and it's difficult. I see her at meetings and she's also a hairdresser and she comes to my house to do my roomates hair.
It's odd because after all this she goes out of her way to sit near me and talk to me still. And last week she conveniently left her hairdresser bag at my house only to come back to get it when only i was here. I just feel so awkward talking to her now. I feel stupid because I actually felt a connection.
Can someone shed some light on how to deal? Please?
