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Post by dullboat123 on Nov 10, 2020 0:40:58 GMT
As a follow up on my previous post that I was dumped by a DA after her stringing me along before she confirmed her new target is interested in her, I want to know from people's experience whether non-self aware DAs ever have successful relationships? Or they will grow old and end up being alone because they tend to self sabotage their own relationships?
Another thing about my DA ex was that she wanted a child with me but was almost in despair thinking about the logistics of it and concluding that she might not be a good mother. She sort of hinted that she might abandon the child when responsibilities gets too overwhelming or she might be a bad mother in terms of neglecting the child. Has anyone had experience with DA being parents that you've seen in real life? Jeb's article on DA parents does shed some light on the issue but anyone has seen it in real life?
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Post by maryisback on Nov 10, 2020 23:01:29 GMT
Define "successful". Half of all marriages (maybe more) end in divorce and they are people of all different attachment styles. I also read somewhere more people are remaining single than getting married and DAs are a small part of the population.
I am DA and I have a grown child. I was a single mother for most of the growing up period and the father/sperm donor (AP) was absent. Her father married and had another family, paying no mind to his first born. My daughter is now married and is not DA. My child was the only one I was able to successfully bond with, since she was a a part of me and it was unconditional. I found it easy to bond with my child where I could never form attachments easily (or at all) to other people.
I think it would be natural to her to fear the unknown or not being a good mother. I think mothers of all attachment style have those thoughts.
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 13, 2020 14:40:11 GMT
As a follow up on my previous post that I was dumped by a DA after her stringing me along before she confirmed her new target is interested in her, I want to know from people's experience whether non-self aware DAs ever have successful relationships? Or they will grow old and end up being alone because they tend to self sabotage their own relationships? Another thing about my DA ex was that she wanted a child with me but was almost in despair thinking about the logistics of it and concluding that she might not be a good mother. She sort of hinted that she might abandon the child when responsibilities gets too overwhelming or she might be a bad mother in terms of neglecting the child. Has anyone had experience with DA being parents that you've seen in real life? Jeb's article on DA parents does shed some light on the issue but anyone has seen it in real life? Hi there....I know you are hurting, I know you want to understand her motives....all insecure types who are unaware and do not work on their underlying attachment issues are prone to having a harder time in relationships. That includes those that are FA and AP. That is why the regular members on these boards encourage the focus to turn from thinking about your ex to looking at and working on your own attachment issues. So, I am going to address your questions the way my therapist does with me. When you ask about her and whether she will or will not have a successful relationship in the future what feelings come up? What messages go through your head (example...do you believe that if she does have a successful relationship with someone else that that indicates something about you). Same question with regards to her being a mother....what feelings come up regarding that? What messages? She would encourage me to turn the focus away from other and start to clear about self. |
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