Post by henrietta777 on Dec 22, 2020 21:42:01 GMT
Hello everyone. I am new to this forum and am really looking for some advice/thoughts/help on a recent situation that has left me feeling completely hopeless and super low.
It sounds mad as the situation was only very short term - just a month - but it was the manner in which it was set up that I think has left me so confused and questioning my self worth hugely.
I met a guy on Hinge and he pursued me from the get go. Really full on messages... sometimes completely randomly in the middle of a conversation saying ‘just a thought but it’s so amazing getting to know you and has been just glorious’.... or ‘thank you for being so open’ or ‘I’m going to send you wine to your house’ (whilst self isolating). I remember feeling a weird gut instinct that it was too much at the time, as then he would just go dead on the texts for a day.
Really hot and cold.
I am very badly anxiously attached, though only when triggered by inconsistency. I tried to break this off a couple of times, and was upfront about my fears around trust etc. Every single time, he reassured me and seemed to love bomb me, so I started to believe what he said and open up.
One day, he asked to speak to me; we had a great conversation and arranged to see one another that weekend. I messaged him afterwards saying something really sweet along the lines of wishing he was there etc. The following day, the texts were very limited again, and I went into freak out mode, a la anxious attachment. Sent him a voice message saying I didn’t like feeling the way I was. He then called me and immediately called it all off between us, with literally zero warning. Said it was making him feel ‘overly stressed and anxious and wasn’t ready for a relationship’, despite the fact he was clearly dressing it up as though it would become one, and repeatedly saying I should trust him.
I feel so awful and have done for the past four weeks. Like I’ll never be able to trust another bloke, if they can literally be that over the top, and then just rip the rug from underneath me so callously.
I have been left feeling like I’m completely worthless and that it’s all my fault, when all I did was be really open and vulnerable with him.
Just a bit of context; I remember on our date he would walk ahead of me and not wait for me in the shop. He said in the morning that he ‘liked sharing a bed but also liked his own space’. And was also a recovering addict (I think mainly ecstasy and cocaine).
Anyone’s thoughts from the outside would be super helpful!
Thanks in advance.
It sounds mad as the situation was only very short term - just a month - but it was the manner in which it was set up that I think has left me so confused and questioning my self worth hugely.
I met a guy on Hinge and he pursued me from the get go. Really full on messages... sometimes completely randomly in the middle of a conversation saying ‘just a thought but it’s so amazing getting to know you and has been just glorious’.... or ‘thank you for being so open’ or ‘I’m going to send you wine to your house’ (whilst self isolating). I remember feeling a weird gut instinct that it was too much at the time, as then he would just go dead on the texts for a day.
Really hot and cold.
I am very badly anxiously attached, though only when triggered by inconsistency. I tried to break this off a couple of times, and was upfront about my fears around trust etc. Every single time, he reassured me and seemed to love bomb me, so I started to believe what he said and open up.
One day, he asked to speak to me; we had a great conversation and arranged to see one another that weekend. I messaged him afterwards saying something really sweet along the lines of wishing he was there etc. The following day, the texts were very limited again, and I went into freak out mode, a la anxious attachment. Sent him a voice message saying I didn’t like feeling the way I was. He then called me and immediately called it all off between us, with literally zero warning. Said it was making him feel ‘overly stressed and anxious and wasn’t ready for a relationship’, despite the fact he was clearly dressing it up as though it would become one, and repeatedly saying I should trust him.
I feel so awful and have done for the past four weeks. Like I’ll never be able to trust another bloke, if they can literally be that over the top, and then just rip the rug from underneath me so callously.
I have been left feeling like I’m completely worthless and that it’s all my fault, when all I did was be really open and vulnerable with him.
Just a bit of context; I remember on our date he would walk ahead of me and not wait for me in the shop. He said in the morning that he ‘liked sharing a bed but also liked his own space’. And was also a recovering addict (I think mainly ecstasy and cocaine).
Anyone’s thoughts from the outside would be super helpful!
Thanks in advance.