Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2017 6:57:15 GMT
In my continued investigation of my own and my ex partners avoidant traits I keep coming upon similarities between behaviours of people on the spectrum and those who are avoidant for other learnt reasons.
I wonder if some of the partners who have caused so much pain and frustration to people posting on here, who can't deal with too much intimacy, communicate poorly, cut themselves off from friends and family, have obsessive interests, are better with animals that humans etc etc are actually not broken individuals but are born with the kind of detachment that is par for the course of people on the autistic spectrum? Lots of adults missed diagnosis as children (myself included) and have never been taught the skills of getting close to people and maintaining relationships even though they may want to do so. Over the years many of these failures and failures to bond with caregivers as children may lead the autistic person to become avoidant on top of everything else. I have two children with ASD who were diagnosed young and have been accepted with warmth and love and whilst they are quirky they are not avoidant and actually thrive on close friendships and relationships even if they are unconventional ones.
Any thoughts anyone?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2017 10:47:39 GMT
I suspect my NPD ex has ADD, but the DA I dated is intelligent and normal otherwise. I think the conditions are not co-morbid, i.e. DAs are a category of their own.
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soho
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Post by soho on Oct 25, 2017 17:30:05 GMT
Interesting topic.
There is the theory about sensitive gifted babies seeing their emotional needs unanswered. Some of them start to become anxious, lacking trust, others cover this unanswered emotional need with their ratio. The first are potential anxious preoccupied people, the second are likely to become dismissive avoidants since the don't listen to their emotions.
It s not exactly the same as autism but still.
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Post by epistasis on Oct 31, 2017 22:31:43 GMT
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2017 11:40:23 GMT
thanks for this - I was pretty certain that there was quite an overlap in behavioral signs between individuals with attachment disorders and those on the spectrum and that superficially they could be easily confused particularly in undiagnosed high functioning asd adults who have learnt complex coping strategies and may well want to be in relationships and appear quite normal until some way down the line when the mask wears off and the strangely aloof and apparently uncaring individual appears. Complex issue - but if the professionals have difficulty distinguishing between the two groups then those who unwittingly end up with an asd partner and neither are aware of the condition are likely to struggle even more. |
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Post by stevienicks on Nov 23, 2017 9:55:09 GMT
Hi , In the first year of being with my DA ex , I was seeing a psychologist for my life issues .
At stage I didn’t know about Attachment Theory .
I just knew Something was so not the norm with my ex.
He was like no other I’d been with.
I was terribly confused ( still Am) .
I couldn’t figure out if he was doing and saying insentive and disrespectful things intentionally or with no awareness.
I knew for sure he was an habitual liar .
His behaviour at times was odd .
The psychologist strongly suspected he had Aspergers .
Obviously he never went to anybody to be diagnosed as he wasn’t causing any grief to himself .
He admitted he thought he was a bit weird or different but thought it
Was in a good way .
I have no idea if he had Aspergers . I think it’s very possible .
I believe 100% Her is an extreme DA .
What made him even more complex was he was brought up in a fundamental fringe Christian Church ( cult in my opinion).
He left when he was in his 30s and spent 5 years in another fundamental Christian group to finally become an Atheist.
I don’t know how much of his behaviour could be the result of his religious conditioning .
Lying was used to manipulate and obtain what he wanted when growing up .
He had to learn to be secretive and restrict whatever
He said to just about everybody .
He had to be cautious and wary of most people in his life.
Perfect grooming for a DA.
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Post by onastring on Nov 25, 2017 9:45:50 GMT
I have some insight into religious conditioning and your post struck a chord - some types of Christianity (and certainly the cult like versions you describe) teach a suspicion of anything outside the church and the bible. It is “sinful” “dangerous” “not of God” and people are taught to be “in the world not of the world” and so this can cause distancing from others and from potentially enjoyable and safe aspects of life. For a DA, I think this can provide an extra ‘excuse’ for not looking at their issues, or an additional rationalisation for how they are which is extremely difficult to counter, because then you fall into the “dangerous” category. So I think religious conditioning can add to their behaviour as you describe.
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