Post by reality on Oct 14, 2017 1:42:15 GMT
I probably should have found this forum sooner.
I was in a relationship with a man who was very stereotypical dismissive-avoidant for a year. It was long distance, and while I or he would visit the other once a month, most of our problems would happen when I would mention moving to close the distance. I had other reasons to want to be in his geographic location, as well, besides him (own a property there, have family there, better job market for what I currently do, and graduate programs I wanted to apply to--he knew all this). I learned that mentioning moving caused meltdowns, so I started avoiding the topic or stuffing my feelings deep down when I thought of it, to avoid upsetting him.
When I started realizing there was a pattern, and he wasn't just lashing out to be cruel, I found the "Attached" book and Jeb's books as well. I read them and it gave me a lot of understanding of what was going on. I mentioned Attached to him in June, and he actually was so intrueged he went and bought a copy (he LOVES to read) and read the whole thing (and wanted to go over the communication chapter with me, in July, even just weeks before he dumped me).
Finally, in August, I asked him one night what the plan was for us, mid conversation during an otherwise typical nightly phone call. Without missing a beat, he casually mentioned we should break up, or take a break. Which within minutes became "definitely break up" not even a break. He didn't really have any reason for why he wanted to, but vaguely said there could be "more girls out there, and he needed to date more people". By the end of the phone call he was clearly crying. I remember snippets of comments like "this relationship has gotten too close, too intimate" and "if you're ever in town, let me know and we'll get dinner or drinks" (no way in h***, thank you very much!).
My birthday was a couple weeks later, and he texted me to tell me he knew I probably didn't want to hear from him but to tell me I'm a kind and caring person and happy birthday. I didn't respond.
It's now been just over 2 months, and I haven't heard a word. Not once has he reached out, or changed his mind.
Do avoidants ever miss the person they dumped? Or do they ever have regrets? Or is the thrill of the freedom so great they run and never look back? We're 26 and 27.
Also weirdly, he never took down any posts or pics of me from facebook. If he's out scouring the world for awesome new ONS and women to date, why leave everything on your social media?
I was in a relationship with a man who was very stereotypical dismissive-avoidant for a year. It was long distance, and while I or he would visit the other once a month, most of our problems would happen when I would mention moving to close the distance. I had other reasons to want to be in his geographic location, as well, besides him (own a property there, have family there, better job market for what I currently do, and graduate programs I wanted to apply to--he knew all this). I learned that mentioning moving caused meltdowns, so I started avoiding the topic or stuffing my feelings deep down when I thought of it, to avoid upsetting him.
When I started realizing there was a pattern, and he wasn't just lashing out to be cruel, I found the "Attached" book and Jeb's books as well. I read them and it gave me a lot of understanding of what was going on. I mentioned Attached to him in June, and he actually was so intrueged he went and bought a copy (he LOVES to read) and read the whole thing (and wanted to go over the communication chapter with me, in July, even just weeks before he dumped me).
Finally, in August, I asked him one night what the plan was for us, mid conversation during an otherwise typical nightly phone call. Without missing a beat, he casually mentioned we should break up, or take a break. Which within minutes became "definitely break up" not even a break. He didn't really have any reason for why he wanted to, but vaguely said there could be "more girls out there, and he needed to date more people". By the end of the phone call he was clearly crying. I remember snippets of comments like "this relationship has gotten too close, too intimate" and "if you're ever in town, let me know and we'll get dinner or drinks" (no way in h***, thank you very much!).
My birthday was a couple weeks later, and he texted me to tell me he knew I probably didn't want to hear from him but to tell me I'm a kind and caring person and happy birthday. I didn't respond.
It's now been just over 2 months, and I haven't heard a word. Not once has he reached out, or changed his mind.
Do avoidants ever miss the person they dumped? Or do they ever have regrets? Or is the thrill of the freedom so great they run and never look back? We're 26 and 27.
Also weirdly, he never took down any posts or pics of me from facebook. If he's out scouring the world for awesome new ONS and women to date, why leave everything on your social media?
