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Post by tnr9 on Feb 22, 2021 15:21:56 GMT
Winter sun...so glad you are getting help from other members as I dropped the ball a bit on this one....I meant to come back but I tend to lean AP in relationships and am not as in tune with my avoidant side. I too have recently come to the awareness that I am FA....for decades I really thought I was solely AP but I was recently in a course describing attachment theory from a Christian perspective and realized that I was extremely avoidant in my relationship to Jesus. My mom and middle brother are FA but with avoidant leanings...plus my mom is an ISTJ so we are polar opposite on Myers Briggs. All this to say....I am glad that others stepped in to provide clarity where I could not. I am seeing an SE therapist and it has been the best therapy by far.....I was completely unaware of how much pain was still stuck in my body but the journey has been miraculous. I think the more aware you become in your body...the more aware you are of your own boundaries and the boundaries of others. For me personally...knowing where I end and the other person begins is a huge shift since I have tended to numb my boundaries in order to “rescue” orhers....very typical for my anxious side to want to rescue others.....especially my partner and my mom.
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annes
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Post by annes on Feb 22, 2021 15:34:48 GMT
I am also doing tons of meditation and it helps a lot. I have recently discovered a great meditation practice specifically aimed at repairing attachment. It's called "IPF" (Ideal Parental Figure) and works on creating a new internal working model through imagination of ideal parental figures, it was invented by professor Dan Brown. Basically, since attachment problems start before we can even speak, the point is that you cannot fix them through logic, but through images, to speak to that part of the brain that has stored pre-logic memories. I have joined a session yesterday and it was really powerful. I am AP but this practice helps all insecure attachment styles, and the guy who guides the meditation was actually a fearful-avoidant (he says 10 years of therapy didn't help as much). Check out this website you will find also free recorded guided meditations using this protocol attachmentrepair.com/resources/ |
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Post by alexandra on Feb 22, 2021 20:29:31 GMT
Has anyone tried Thais's Gibson's courses? I was pondering whether to give that a go at some point? I think kittygirl and annes have done some? |
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Post by wintersun on Feb 22, 2021 20:48:43 GMT
Winter sun...so glad you are getting help from other members as I dropped the ball a bit on this one....I meant to come back but I tend to lean AP in relationships and am not as in tune with my avoidant side. I too have recently come to the awareness that I am FA....for decades I really thought I was solely AP but I was recently in a course describing attachment theory from a Christian perspective and realized that I was extremely avoidant in my relationship to Jesus. My mom and middle brother are FA but with avoidant leanings...plus my mom is an ISTJ so we are polar opposite on Myers Briggs. All this to say....I am glad that others stepped in to provide clarity where I could not. I am seeing an SE therapist and it has been the best therapy by far.....I was completely unaware of how much pain was still stuck in my body but the journey has been miraculous. I think the more aware you become in your body...the more aware you are of your own boundaries and the boundaries of others. For me personally...knowing where I end and the other person begins is a huge shift since I have tended to numb my boundaries in order to “rescue” orhers....very typical for my anxious side to want to rescue others.....especially my partner and my mom. I've also heard great things about SE therapy. I've had a few experiences over the last decade of physical release that began cementing my understanding of how unaware I was of what my body is carrying. I also tried TRE. I didn't preserve with it, but it is something you can easily do on your own. Totally hear you about boundaries. I've just starting to wake up to how conceptualised my view of my body is. Am getting better at tuning into sensations and felt sense. I recommend the exercises that come with the Peter Levine book Healing Trauma. I'm only at the beginning of them, but already I can sense something moving. |
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Post by wintersun on Feb 22, 2021 20:49:11 GMT
I am also doing tons of meditation and it helps a lot. I have recently discovered a great meditation practice specifically aimed at repairing attachment. It's called "IPF" (Ideal Parental Figure) and works on creating a new internal working model through imagination of ideal parental figures, it was invented by professor Dan Brown. Basically, since attachment problems start before we can even speak, the point is that you cannot fix them through logic, but through images, to speak to that part of the brain that has stored pre-logic memories. I have joined a session yesterday and it was really powerful. I am AP but this practice helps all insecure attachment styles, and the guy who guides the meditation was actually a fearful-avoidant (he says 10 years of therapy didn't help as much). Check out this website you will find also free recorded guided meditations using this protocol attachmentrepair.com/resources/Thanks annes, will investigate. It sounds very good! |
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annes
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by annes on Feb 23, 2021 0:04:25 GMT
Has anyone tried Thais's Gibson's courses? I was pondering whether to give that a go at some point? I think kittygirl and annes have done some? Hi Alexandra, yes I did, but still have to complete it. The half that I've already done was very insightful and there are exercises which actually make you think of your beliefs and core wounds. I think stuff like this is useful in terms of acquiring further awareness and understanding, but at least in my experience, not for ACTUAL change. I have great awareness and understanding of my attachment insecurities, the problem is how to change them. In my experience it's a good piece in a series of steps and actions, but so far the most that I've found useful is the attachment repair meditation which I have suggested above. |
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Post by wintersun on Feb 25, 2021 16:44:56 GMT
Hi everyone,
I had my first session of SE today and it was v eye (and body..) opening. My main reflections were ..
The therapist encouraged me to go deeper into sensation to describe and try and stay with sensations as they were happening, but the most helpful element was how the therapist encouraged me to see the lifespan and motion of the energy as it moved through my body. For example, an anxious line between my navel and sternum, which moved up into my throat, choked emotion tried to come out, then I noticed my jaw get tight. It felt like something was trying to get out, but also something was stopping it at the same time ( she reflected probably a sympathetic vs parasympathetic dance) and then how tingling/pins and needles moved from my shoulders down to my thighs down to my feet. Whilst I'd felt many of these sensations in isolation before I have never connected them together as part of a 'wave' of movement. She commented that the tingling in the legs and feet was probably an indication of a release - the 'end' of that particular wave.
When i heard about SE I assumed it would involve cathartic release (if you're angry you bang a pillow), but this is much more subtle and it feels truly tuned in to what information the nervous system is giving up. At one moment I had a vision of my feet stamping quickly ( a flight response), she suggested I very gently move my heels up and down to simulate this vision, I did so and tears came and I was having twitching in my forehead and cheeks - a place where I'd never experienced any discomfort. This was really interesting.
I'd say about 3/4s of the session was me sitting on a chair just tracking these sensations and reporting them and then focusing in. Stopping to ground and connect with the chair and feeling of 'safety'. She was commenting on what was happening, some of it I'm yet to understand...but look forward to hopefully getting a grip with .
The thing I really liked about it was that it connected together the intellectual (meaning creating) and the felt sense. So narrating and talking and interpreting (which actually is a defense of mine, often overly used) is part of the therapy, but encouraging a tracking and focus on felt sense, I was able to detect the edge where I was going up into my head too much and shooting out of my body.
I have a sense that this will be a breakthrough for me, but also trying to mediate my expectation !
I hope this is of some use, I'll report back again when I have more.
If you have any questions feel free to ask.
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 25, 2021 17:57:06 GMT
Hi everyone, I had my first session of SE today and it was v eye (and body..) opening. My main reflections were .. The therapist encouraged me to go deeper into sensation to describe and try and stay with sensations as they were happening, but the most helpful element was how the therapist encouraged me to see the lifespan and motion of the energy as it moved through my body. For example, an anxious line between my navel and sternum, which moved up into my throat, choked emotion tried to come out, then I noticed my jaw get tight. It felt like something was trying to get out, but also something was stopping it at the same time ( she reflected probably a sympathetic vs parasympathetic dance) and then how tingling/pins and needles moved from my shoulders down to my thighs down to my feet. Whilst I'd felt many of these sensations in isolation before I have never connected them together as part of a 'wave' of movement. She commented that the tingling in the legs and feet was probably an indication of a release - the 'end' of that particular wave. When i heard about SE I assumed it would involve cathartic release (if you're angry you bang a pillow), but this is much more subtle and it feels truly tuned in to what information the nervous system is giving up. At one moment I had a vision of my feet stamping quickly ( a flight response), she suggested I very gently move my heels up and down to simulate this vision, I did so and tears came and I was having twitching in my forehead and cheeks - a place where I'd never experienced any discomfort. This was really interesting. I'd say about 3/4s of the session was me sitting on a chair just tracking these sensations and reporting them and then focusing in. Stopping to ground and connect with the chair and feeling of 'safety'. She was commenting on what was happening, some of it I'm yet to understand...but look forward to hopefully getting a grip with . The thing I really liked about it was that it connected together the intellectual (meaning creating) and the felt sense. So narrating and talking and interpreting (which actually is a defense of mine, often overly used) is part of the therapy, but encouraging a tracking and focus on felt sense, I was able to detect the edge where I was going up into my head too much and shooting out of my body. I have a sense that this will be a breakthrough for me, but also trying to mediate my expectation ! I hope this is of some use, I'll report back again when I have more. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I am glad your first session went so well....and I love connecting the body sensations together...when I get embarrassed or angry I feel it in my throat...like a ball is stuck there. I have been visualizing moving the ball into my stomach....which has been so useful as my stomach....where people talk about having a “gut feeling” has been “numb”. Quite literally numb. So when I get anxious, my desire to eat comes also from my neck and not my stomach. I too feel as though things are “releasing” as I work on my awareness.  |
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