After 11 months, my DA texted me. We were not in a committed relationship, but were together often. Classic DA, when things got intimate, the hot and cold dance started. He caught feeling before I did. I grew tired of it and just started ignoring him. He reached out passively around the three month mark and I didn't reply.
At 11 months, his text wasn't passive this time, he told me a story about a friend and included a photo of the two. During the 11 months he experienced some health issues that have left him bloated and he's probably gained 25 to 30 pounds. I replied to his text, sticking to the subject matter and did not ask to see him.
That was a week ago and I haven't heard anything else from him. I think he's testing the waters and wanted me to see his "new" body (or if would I reject him).
Should I best sit back and let him drive, or do I need to make a little more effort? Why did he come back after 11 months?
Hi, welcome to the forums. So...this sounds like you are playing a game of chess with him...trying to interpret his motives and plan your next move. I know it can be really exciting to hear from someone you really cared about, but if he hasn’t done any work on addressing his avoidant behaviors while you were apart, there is a high probability that those behaviors will re appear once the two of you are back together.
I totally understand that and I understand I can't do the work for him. I wouldn't exactly call it validation, but in someway I got the satisfaction of knowing at some point the DA did cared about me. I may never hear from him again, he may have been lonely at that moment or needed a ego boost. Who's to say.