Post by lostpossum on Mar 11, 2021 7:26:00 GMT
My ex is extremely avoidant in nature I would argue.
She has only had 2 boyfriends before me, max 6 months. I was her first to meet her family, live together, etc. We were together for 7 years.
She has 0 friends, and never had a friend all of our relationship. She wanted to constantly, yearly she would download friend making apps, but nothing would come out of it. As well, I tried to bring her to events in college to get her to meet others, she would try but again nothing.
She took leave from the relationship blaming me for many things and essentially making me out to be the person causing the breakup, despite my request to get therapy and work together on the issues. (She gave up, I didnt)
She has 7 siblings and shes very close with 3 of them, she calls them her friends, which is great yes. But when it comes to needing to talk to friends about things, they were very biased to her and not to being neutral and such.
She is avoidant to potential hurt and conflict, one time during the start of Covid she wanted to take a trip with her sister and I to get out of quarantine and such. We both said we didnt feel safe, and she perceived this as us shutting down her idea. She said things like "Oh well I am sorry I tried planning some way for us to have normalcy and get out and have fun." We were just like... we do not feel safe....
We never broke up before, and even during the breakup it was very sudden and out of left field. She went on a family trip, came back, told me she was unhappy with our relationship, the trip made her realize this because of how happy she was on her trip. This floored me, like I understood but the suddenness and how she wanted to break up rather then work on things definitely hurt deep.
Since the breakup, she told me we could be friends in a few years (yah great... thanks... leaving me on a thread...). She removed me from her social and physical spheres to make it seem like I both never existed except maybe in her memory, but she wanted no physical or digital reminder. She asked me as she was leaving me not to contact her so that she can heal from the breakup. She grabbed all of her stuff the day after the breakup.
I of course love this woman despite her avoidance... but I also feel very sad for her now that were broken up. She lives what others would perceive as a lonely life, and in my opinion it is her choice. Not that she wants to be alone, but by living in fear of that possible hurt, and her decisions create that loneliness and yet she blames the others for that. That also saddens me that she blames myself and others.
Of course no one knows if my ex will come back. But my question is, did your avoidant ex or friend come back after pushing you away?
I have been focusing on myself and really making alot of changes. Positive changes. Not to get her back but to get me back. I do miss her and also feel sad knowing how I was her best friend and the one who stuck by her for 7 years, and now shes alone. But by her choice, as would it be her choice to revisit myself.
She has only had 2 boyfriends before me, max 6 months. I was her first to meet her family, live together, etc. We were together for 7 years.
She has 0 friends, and never had a friend all of our relationship. She wanted to constantly, yearly she would download friend making apps, but nothing would come out of it. As well, I tried to bring her to events in college to get her to meet others, she would try but again nothing.
She took leave from the relationship blaming me for many things and essentially making me out to be the person causing the breakup, despite my request to get therapy and work together on the issues. (She gave up, I didnt)
She has 7 siblings and shes very close with 3 of them, she calls them her friends, which is great yes. But when it comes to needing to talk to friends about things, they were very biased to her and not to being neutral and such.
She is avoidant to potential hurt and conflict, one time during the start of Covid she wanted to take a trip with her sister and I to get out of quarantine and such. We both said we didnt feel safe, and she perceived this as us shutting down her idea. She said things like "Oh well I am sorry I tried planning some way for us to have normalcy and get out and have fun." We were just like... we do not feel safe....
We never broke up before, and even during the breakup it was very sudden and out of left field. She went on a family trip, came back, told me she was unhappy with our relationship, the trip made her realize this because of how happy she was on her trip. This floored me, like I understood but the suddenness and how she wanted to break up rather then work on things definitely hurt deep.
Since the breakup, she told me we could be friends in a few years (yah great... thanks... leaving me on a thread...). She removed me from her social and physical spheres to make it seem like I both never existed except maybe in her memory, but she wanted no physical or digital reminder. She asked me as she was leaving me not to contact her so that she can heal from the breakup. She grabbed all of her stuff the day after the breakup.
I of course love this woman despite her avoidance... but I also feel very sad for her now that were broken up. She lives what others would perceive as a lonely life, and in my opinion it is her choice. Not that she wants to be alone, but by living in fear of that possible hurt, and her decisions create that loneliness and yet she blames the others for that. That also saddens me that she blames myself and others.
Of course no one knows if my ex will come back. But my question is, did your avoidant ex or friend come back after pushing you away?
I have been focusing on myself and really making alot of changes. Positive changes. Not to get her back but to get me back. I do miss her and also feel sad knowing how I was her best friend and the one who stuck by her for 7 years, and now shes alone. But by her choice, as would it be her choice to revisit myself.