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Post by sh3savoid1ng on Mar 13, 2021 20:39:21 GMT
After 5 months of exclusive dating, my DA (ex)partner asked me to be her boyfriend. 4 months into our official status everything seemed jolly, happy and smiles, laughs and memories forming. My (ex)partner recently told me she's experiencing a burnout (from work; doesn't like her job, wants more and doesn't voice her concerns with her employer). We had two talks since her "burnout", never fought and she came to the conclusion that I am not the one for her and we have no future and broke up with me via note (not face to face). Since then, she's blocked me on all social media, and messaging apps.
My question is does the onset of a burnout (if she did actually experience one) trigger an DA to rethink about their relationship?
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 14, 2021 5:21:00 GMT
After 5 months of exclusive dating, my DA (ex)partner asked me to be her boyfriend. 4 months into our official status everything seemed jolly, happy and smiles, laughs and memories forming. My (ex)partner recently told me she's experiencing a burnout (from work; doesn't like her job, wants more and doesn't voice her concerns with her employer). We had two talks since her "burnout", never fought and she came to the conclusion that I am not the one for her and we have no future and broke up with me via note (not face to face). Since then, she's blocked me on all social media, and messaging apps. My question is does the onset of a burnout (if she did actually experience one) trigger an DA to rethink about their relationship? A decision to break up doesn’t need to be tied to a feeling of burn out...although some people do use that as a reason to re evaluate all aspects of their life. I am truly sorry you went through this..especially given the fact that she did not beak up when you in person. That shows an issue on her side with handling communication in a mature way. How are you doing? |
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Post by alexandra on Mar 14, 2021 10:09:45 GMT
Burnout can trigger an avoidant to rethink their relationship because their response to stress and nervous system overwhelm is to shut down and distance. All insecure attachment types have dysfunctional coping mechanisms for stress, which is part of the challenge having an insecure attachment style creates. But even if the breakup was directly tied to the burnout, it doesn't change anything. You can't think about it as, once the stress eases maybe she'll rethink it again and come back. You need to see it for what it is: this is how she responds to stress in her life. There will always be stress, and instead of handling it as a team or discussing her needs and feelings, she will turn away from you instead of turning towards you. That does not lead to a mature, functioning relationship over time. There no underlying trust between you two if she's willing to walk out the door any time something goes wrong, whether it's in the relationship or it's unrelated to the relationship and is in another part of her life.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Unexpected breakups are terrible, but you deserve better. Don't use attachment style to excuse the bad breakup behavior.
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