Post by sammy on Oct 20, 2017 22:37:32 GMT
He and i are now split up, i live in a street quite near his in a temporary house with my beloved 15 year old dog. He broke up with me mid july, i had no choice but to live under his roof until mid september. We slept in seperate rooms, i cried and was distraught every day. (he saw my distress)
My favourite time was watching tv with him, cuddling and touching, which we did up to quite recently before he broke us up. I'm 52 he 54, we were together for four years, i moved in with him after 4 months of dating. He loved bombed me and i love bombed him. It was a heady time, which lasted about 4 months, much to my shock, when his whole demeanor changed and he told me he felt flat and clearly did not want to talk to me that day. I did let him control the relationship, i moved into his home, his town, i knew no one in the town and blended well with his friends, family and grown up children. Eventually i got my self a job as a manager in a local animal charity shop and established myself with my own friends and contacts in his town.
As the relationship developed the red flags started to show up. Early days i stuffed it all down, but as we both enjoyed a few glasses of wine most days, my inhibitions dropped and my resentments showed up. He would be incensed with fury if i dared to complain about him being aloof, and not wanting to discuss, read stuff to improve the relationship. I felt like he just wanted an emotion less "Stetford wife" partner.
I was anxious preoccupied, i probably always have been, due to my bullying parents and difficult childhood.
My previous significant relationship was for 23 years. Sadly i left him (stupid move but for complex reasons) during our relationship He was able to reassure me, was patient, tolerant and i think i must have grown secure.
My avoidant partner of 4 years is resolute and resigned to us being split up, he has been kind and caring giving me money and helping me in a practical sense. i think has a great deal of guilt and a sense of failure but doesn't regret his decsion.
I have gone thru all the emotions, disbelif, sadness, hopefulness, tears, i was addicted to him, now i feel anger which i think is good. My therapist says we have a connection, it hasn't been helpful to say that. I just need to remember feeling disregarded and then discarded.
He has had a many failed relationships. Why do avoidants think they can do relationships? Why are they are takers and reject and leave us givers? It seems to me they are the winners in the dance of pursuer and distancer. This experience has certainly made me feel like i wish i was an avoidant and maybe i will become one!
My favourite time was watching tv with him, cuddling and touching, which we did up to quite recently before he broke us up. I'm 52 he 54, we were together for four years, i moved in with him after 4 months of dating. He loved bombed me and i love bombed him. It was a heady time, which lasted about 4 months, much to my shock, when his whole demeanor changed and he told me he felt flat and clearly did not want to talk to me that day. I did let him control the relationship, i moved into his home, his town, i knew no one in the town and blended well with his friends, family and grown up children. Eventually i got my self a job as a manager in a local animal charity shop and established myself with my own friends and contacts in his town.
As the relationship developed the red flags started to show up. Early days i stuffed it all down, but as we both enjoyed a few glasses of wine most days, my inhibitions dropped and my resentments showed up. He would be incensed with fury if i dared to complain about him being aloof, and not wanting to discuss, read stuff to improve the relationship. I felt like he just wanted an emotion less "Stetford wife" partner.
I was anxious preoccupied, i probably always have been, due to my bullying parents and difficult childhood.
My previous significant relationship was for 23 years. Sadly i left him (stupid move but for complex reasons) during our relationship He was able to reassure me, was patient, tolerant and i think i must have grown secure.
My avoidant partner of 4 years is resolute and resigned to us being split up, he has been kind and caring giving me money and helping me in a practical sense. i think has a great deal of guilt and a sense of failure but doesn't regret his decsion.
I have gone thru all the emotions, disbelif, sadness, hopefulness, tears, i was addicted to him, now i feel anger which i think is good. My therapist says we have a connection, it hasn't been helpful to say that. I just need to remember feeling disregarded and then discarded.
He has had a many failed relationships. Why do avoidants think they can do relationships? Why are they are takers and reject and leave us givers? It seems to me they are the winners in the dance of pursuer and distancer. This experience has certainly made me feel like i wish i was an avoidant and maybe i will become one!
