I’m 45 and have followed the same pattern my entire relationship life! I get in a relationship... I give everything... especially money/paying for everything or letting them move in rent free. After however long I start feeling resentful and realise I’ve given way more than they have. I start to disconnect and then get rid of them. I set NO boundaries in the beginning and then I can’t set them when it’s too late.
I’m in this predicament AGAIN.
My partner of 3 Yrs moved into my house during first lockdown.. he’s still here even though he kept his own flat.
He pays no bills, does no cleaning or laundry and does whatever he likes. I have a 6yr old so I’m doing the housework anyway... but partner is so messy and literally makes twice the dirt as we ever did and spends a lot of time in bed on his phone coming downstairs whenever he wants. It’s like he’s a second child and I feel he’s selfish and self absorbed. He does cook but that’s his only contribution. I pay for the food even though my salary is low and am a single mum.
I need him out of my space but I’m ready to blow up about how he’s taken me/us for granted for a year.
I know I should’ve mentioned stuff sooner but I’m a fearful avoidant so boundaries are my non existent.
How do I say all this without ruining the good stuff (he is a decent guy and my daughter adores him)
Also... am I just finding reasons to stop him getting too close?
I hate my patterns but also don’t trust my choice of men!!