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Post by amber on Apr 27, 2021 4:51:35 GMT
just wanting to share some recent experiences i had... as a recovering AP (been working on my attachment style for the last year and believe im heading toward secure) i have recently briefly dated an AP man. We werent in an actual r/ship but this was such an invaluable experience for me being on the receiving end of AP behaviours. i have had mostly r/ships with DA's or FA's, and not an AP man. wow, was this intense right from the start!! the over expressing, the vomiting of feelings all over me, the over disclosing, oversharing and poor boundaries/enmeshment was so overwhelming. he would send me novel like texts going into great detail about his life and his feelings, and even told me after id met him three times that he woke in the night distraught and cried for hours as i did not reciprocate affection he offered. he subsequently sent long texts about this, his feelings and how upset he was etc. i asked if we could chat as i wanted to end it, and he then went into some more intense explanations about pain and feelings etc. when i gently explained i didnt want to continue with him anymore as i was overwhelmed by the early oversharing, i got a big defensive reaction about how i was projecting onto him and lots of words around how he needs to express his authentic self/truth/feelings etc and how he did this right from the start to test if i could handle his true nature.
wow!! im fully seeing how this must be for others in a r/ship with someone like this who uses the guise of needing to be authentic and express themselves as a way to vomit feelings, get validation and try to gain closeness to people whilst stepping all over boundaries. whilst i was never this extreme when AP in the past (i think this guy might be manic or mentally unstable too) i am definitely getting a taste of my own medicine. amazing learning.
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 27, 2021 8:56:03 GMT
just wanting to share some recent experiences i had... as a recovering AP (been working on my attachment style for the last year and believe im heading toward secure) i have recently briefly dated an AP man. We werent in an actual r/ship but this was such an invaluable experience for me being on the receiving end of AP behaviours. i have had mostly r/ships with DA's or FA's, and not an AP man. wow, was this intense right from the start!! the over expressing, the vomiting of feelings all over me, the over disclosing, oversharing and poor boundaries/enmeshment was so overwhelming. he would send me novel like texts going into great detail about his life and his feelings, and even told me after id met him three times that he woke in the night distraught and cried for hours as i did not reciprocate affection he offered. he subsequently sent long texts about this, his feelings and how upset he was etc. i asked if we could chat as i wanted to end it, and he then went into some more intense explanations about pain and feelings etc. when i gently explained i didnt want to continue with him anymore as i was overwhelmed by the early oversharing, i got a big defensive reaction about how i was projecting onto him and lots of words around how he needs to express his authentic self/truth/feelings etc and how he did this right from the start to test if i could handle his true nature. wow!! im fully seeing how this must be for others in a r/ship with someone like this who uses the guise of needing to be authentic and express themselves as a way to vomit feelings, get validation and try to gain closeness to people whilst stepping all over boundaries. whilst i was never this extreme when AP in the past (i think this guy might be manic or mentally unstable too) i am definitely getting a taste of my own medicine. amazing learning. Yes...that was me as well....falling so very quickly and then latching on. I do want to add however, for any AP who is just starting on his/her journey...that this is actually a learned coping mechanism from a childhood where a parent or parents would sometimes respond positively and sometimes would not. In their inability to show you good, loving boundaries along with being inconsistent in their responses to you...you learned to weaken your boundaries and try to figure out how to get your needs met by trying to figure them out. There isn’t anything “broken” about “you”....but the coping mechanisms no longer work in adult to adult relationships. Therapy is a wonderful tool to help you move from AP to secure. |
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Post by Helsbells on Apr 28, 2021 8:17:28 GMT
just wanting to share some recent experiences i had... as a recovering AP (been working on my attachment style for the last year and believe im heading toward secure) i have recently briefly dated an AP man. We werent in an actual r/ship but this was such an invaluable experience for me being on the receiving end of AP behaviours. i have had mostly r/ships with DA's or FA's, and not an AP man. wow, was this intense right from the start!! the over expressing, the vomiting of feelings all over me, the over disclosing, oversharing and poor boundaries/enmeshment was so overwhelming. he would send me novel like texts going into great detail about his life and his feelings, and even told me after id met him three times that he woke in the night distraught and cried for hours as i did not reciprocate affection he offered. he subsequently sent long texts about this, his feelings and how upset he was etc. i asked if we could chat as i wanted to end it, and he then went into some more intense explanations about pain and feelings etc. when i gently explained i didnt want to continue with him anymore as i was overwhelmed by the early oversharing, i got a big defensive reaction about how i was projecting onto him and lots of words around how he needs to express his authentic self/truth/feelings etc and how he did this right from the start to test if i could handle his true nature. wow!! im fully seeing how this must be for others in a r/ship with someone like this who uses the guise of needing to be authentic and express themselves as a way to vomit feelings, get validation and try to gain closeness to people whilst stepping all over boundaries. whilst i was never this extreme when AP in the past (i think this guy might be manic or mentally unstable too) i am definitely getting a taste of my own medicine. amazing learning. Thank you for sharing this it is so very helpful. I am mainly FA but have acted like this in the past with a person I really liked but was very hot and cold with me. God I actually baulk now and feel embarrassed about my behaviour but as trn9 said this behaviour stems from little me who new no better. So grateful for this forum and all the amazing people like yourself helping me understand behaviour childhoods patterns and aiding me to become more secure. Thank you xx |
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Post by Helsbells on Apr 28, 2021 8:18:34 GMT
just wanting to share some recent experiences i had... as a recovering AP (been working on my attachment style for the last year and believe im heading toward secure) i have recently briefly dated an AP man. We werent in an actual r/ship but this was such an invaluable experience for me being on the receiving end of AP behaviours. i have had mostly r/ships with DA's or FA's, and not an AP man. wow, was this intense right from the start!! the over expressing, the vomiting of feelings all over me, the over disclosing, oversharing and poor boundaries/enmeshment was so overwhelming. he would send me novel like texts going into great detail about his life and his feelings, and even told me after id met him three times that he woke in the night distraught and cried for hours as i did not reciprocate affection he offered. he subsequently sent long texts about this, his feelings and how upset he was etc. i asked if we could chat as i wanted to end it, and he then went into some more intense explanations about pain and feelings etc. when i gently explained i didnt want to continue with him anymore as i was overwhelmed by the early oversharing, i got a big defensive reaction about how i was projecting onto him and lots of words around how he needs to express his authentic self/truth/feelings etc and how he did this right from the start to test if i could handle his true nature. wow!! im fully seeing how this must be for others in a r/ship with someone like this who uses the guise of needing to be authentic and express themselves as a way to vomit feelings, get validation and try to gain closeness to people whilst stepping all over boundaries. whilst i was never this extreme when AP in the past (i think this guy might be manic or mentally unstable too) i am definitely getting a taste of my own medicine. amazing learning. Thank you for sharing this it is so very helpful. I am mainly FA but have acted like this in the past with a person I really liked but was very hot and cold with me. God I actually baulk now and feel embarrassed about my behaviour but as #tnr9 said this behaviour stems from little me who new no better. So grateful for this forum and all the amazing people like yourself helping me understand behaviour childhoods patterns and aiding me to become more secure. Thank you xx |
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Post by Helsbells on Apr 28, 2021 8:19:49 GMT
Thank you for sharing this it is so very helpful. I am mainly FA but have acted like this in the past with a person I really liked but was very hot and cold with me. God I actually baulk now and feel embarrassed about my behaviour but as tnr9 said this behaviour stems from little me who knew no better. So grateful for this forum and all the amazing people like yourself helping me understand behaviour childhoods patterns and aiding me to become more secure. Thank you xx |
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