Post by deborah on Jun 22, 2021 17:36:04 GMT
I F26 was in a relationship with my ex M30 for a year. Unfortunately I will mostly have to focus on the negative things about our relationship in this post. Otherwise it will get way too long.
We met online during corona, both living in different countries (7 h drive). We met up a few times for a few days, and after+-2,5 months I moved into his apartment. Everything happened very quickly, partly because of Covid-19, partly because our attraction was so strong. We also have the same view on life and extremely similar interests.
First of all, my ex has a very young son (1 at the time) from a previous short relationship (+- 3 months), where the woman unexpectedly got pregnant. Worth mentioning is also that he described her as being narcissistic and very clingy.
About 3,5 months after we met we made our relationship official. I kept hearing from everybody that is relatively close to him, that nothing like this ever happened with him, and I must be really special. He had never introduced anyone else to his family except for the ex that got pregnant, after she was already pregnant.
A few months more into the relationship everything was still going very well. There were some things, but nothing major. Over time he started criticizing me more and more about things that were either not entirely up to me, or not worth mentioning to most. Forgetting a key once, not turning off the lights, not being able to go anywhere since I don’t have a driver’s license (and not being able to get one right away because of Corona), being emotional because I was new in his country and not knowing a lot of people, etc. (keep in mind, this is still during lockdowns). More and more of these things kept coming up, creating tension between us. He was closing himself off more and more, saying that I was claiming him. He was also assuming things, like me being mad when he went away with his son or with friends, when in reality I did not do anything to make him think that way. I felt like he was sometimes holding a grudge.
Earlier in our relationship he had told me that he also went to a psychologist after he found out his ex was pregnant, because he was fairly depressed at that time (he did not explicitly say it in those words but it was clear to me). When talking to the psychologist he found out that he behaves in certain ways because his mother had a postpartum depression and could not care for him and his brothers well enough. He also does not respect his father, and thinks he has no backbone at all.
Like I said before, we had some problems, but in my opinion they were nothing we couldn’t fix. At the end the end we had an argument maybe once a week, apart from some very small annoyances. A few weeks before the breakup though, my ex accepted another job. He would be starting about a week after he broke up with me. He is a very high achiever, and would be working a lot.
The day of the breakup we had a falling out about something insignificant, but it kind of blew up with me saying that he did not take me and my feelings into consideration. We left each other alone for most of the day, and after he came back from leaving home for a few hours, he came up to me and said he wanted to break up.
This completely caught me off guard. I thought it would be another small argument between us, but again, nothing major. I of course tried to bargain with him, and was asking him why he wanted to break up with me. He stated some of the reasons above, and mainly him not wanting to be responsible for me in many ways. Me moving to another country for him. Him feeling responsible for not having a network in this country. Him not wanting to be responsible for my emotions.
The next day he told me he would like me to leave, and that he would drive me all the way back to my home country. We did not see each other much that day, apart from the evening, where I again tried to talk to him and give arguments for us staying together. He stated that he made up his mind and would not be changing it. He said that he felt trapped, and that he was happier doing anything but being with me. Working, being with friends, etc.
The days after that I said goodbye to his family, who were all extremely shocked by the breakup, hearing about it for the first time that day.
A week ago he drove me home, with all of my clothes in the car, less than three days after he told me he wanted to end things. Just like that. My whole life has been turned upside down. I felt at home there, finally settling in, with Covid-19 coming to an end, light at the end of the tunnel. We have not spoken since then. I do have to go back and face him in any case, because some of my things are still in his apartment.
The last time we saw each other, he was trying to act kind of indifferent, like there was no other option. But I could tell emotions were coming up when we had to say goodbye. Perhaps it is still too soon to make this decision, but I would really like to reconcile with him. If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
We met online during corona, both living in different countries (7 h drive). We met up a few times for a few days, and after+-2,5 months I moved into his apartment. Everything happened very quickly, partly because of Covid-19, partly because our attraction was so strong. We also have the same view on life and extremely similar interests.
First of all, my ex has a very young son (1 at the time) from a previous short relationship (+- 3 months), where the woman unexpectedly got pregnant. Worth mentioning is also that he described her as being narcissistic and very clingy.
About 3,5 months after we met we made our relationship official. I kept hearing from everybody that is relatively close to him, that nothing like this ever happened with him, and I must be really special. He had never introduced anyone else to his family except for the ex that got pregnant, after she was already pregnant.
A few months more into the relationship everything was still going very well. There were some things, but nothing major. Over time he started criticizing me more and more about things that were either not entirely up to me, or not worth mentioning to most. Forgetting a key once, not turning off the lights, not being able to go anywhere since I don’t have a driver’s license (and not being able to get one right away because of Corona), being emotional because I was new in his country and not knowing a lot of people, etc. (keep in mind, this is still during lockdowns). More and more of these things kept coming up, creating tension between us. He was closing himself off more and more, saying that I was claiming him. He was also assuming things, like me being mad when he went away with his son or with friends, when in reality I did not do anything to make him think that way. I felt like he was sometimes holding a grudge.
Earlier in our relationship he had told me that he also went to a psychologist after he found out his ex was pregnant, because he was fairly depressed at that time (he did not explicitly say it in those words but it was clear to me). When talking to the psychologist he found out that he behaves in certain ways because his mother had a postpartum depression and could not care for him and his brothers well enough. He also does not respect his father, and thinks he has no backbone at all.
Like I said before, we had some problems, but in my opinion they were nothing we couldn’t fix. At the end the end we had an argument maybe once a week, apart from some very small annoyances. A few weeks before the breakup though, my ex accepted another job. He would be starting about a week after he broke up with me. He is a very high achiever, and would be working a lot.
The day of the breakup we had a falling out about something insignificant, but it kind of blew up with me saying that he did not take me and my feelings into consideration. We left each other alone for most of the day, and after he came back from leaving home for a few hours, he came up to me and said he wanted to break up.
This completely caught me off guard. I thought it would be another small argument between us, but again, nothing major. I of course tried to bargain with him, and was asking him why he wanted to break up with me. He stated some of the reasons above, and mainly him not wanting to be responsible for me in many ways. Me moving to another country for him. Him feeling responsible for not having a network in this country. Him not wanting to be responsible for my emotions.
The next day he told me he would like me to leave, and that he would drive me all the way back to my home country. We did not see each other much that day, apart from the evening, where I again tried to talk to him and give arguments for us staying together. He stated that he made up his mind and would not be changing it. He said that he felt trapped, and that he was happier doing anything but being with me. Working, being with friends, etc.
The days after that I said goodbye to his family, who were all extremely shocked by the breakup, hearing about it for the first time that day.
A week ago he drove me home, with all of my clothes in the car, less than three days after he told me he wanted to end things. Just like that. My whole life has been turned upside down. I felt at home there, finally settling in, with Covid-19 coming to an end, light at the end of the tunnel. We have not spoken since then. I do have to go back and face him in any case, because some of my things are still in his apartment.
The last time we saw each other, he was trying to act kind of indifferent, like there was no other option. But I could tell emotions were coming up when we had to say goodbye. Perhaps it is still too soon to make this decision, but I would really like to reconcile with him. If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
