I am beginning to believe that a greater part of my relational issues have stemmed not from my attachment wounds…but more so from neurotransmitters that were out of balance. This explains why years, decades of therapy did not really move the needle much for me in terms of addressing obsessional, impulsive, addictive types of behaviors. This morning I experienced a solid 15 minutes of my old self where I received overwhelming messages of “danger” before the lexipro kicked in. This also explains why I would attach sooo very quickly in hopes that the relationship would alleviate these danger messages. I think my attachment wounding left me feeling that there was something wrong with “me” as opposed to something being out of balance…and that just added layers upon layers of guilt and shame where none was really appropriate. The ability to pause, to access reason, to focus at work, to enjoy being with others without feeling needy, the ability to look forward to trips instead of panicking over them…these are just a few things that the SSRI has provided to me. When my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, he too was put on lexipro and I wonder if he also experienced some relief from symptoms he had experience for decades….I wonder if his neurotransmitters were also off balance and caused a lot of his impulsive decisions in his life.
So great that you are exploring roots, for understanding and addressing causes in your family line. I found that for me it was a mixed bag of wonder, relief, eureka moments, and grieving the true sadness of generations battered by unfortunate circumstances, many beyond the control of those who suffered. And more suffering was inflicted along the way. You have a lot of courage to undertake this exploration. And, you can be a pioneer of sorts for your family by gaining an understanding and changing the trajectory to a certain extent. I don't know if you have children but even if not you can bring a voice of wisdom and understanding and encouragement to others in the family circle, my aunts did that for me. It was a huge help in understanding my family dynamics and getting support for my own process.