Processing time with my mom | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

tnr9
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Posts: 3,782

Processing time with my mom Jul 5, 2021 18:22:06 GMT

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Post by tnr9 on Jul 5, 2021 18:22:06 GMT

Today I met up with my mom for lunch….we could have stuck with easy, light topics…but that did not happen. My mom asked me what patterns I was still struggling with as an adult and I said…disappointing people…to which she reminded me that I told her if she made a suggestion I would do the the opposite…..I agreed…I said there was this desire in me to not rock the boat but also a need to be authentically me. I told her, through tears, that I wished I had been prescribed bed an SSRI decades ago because it has been a life changer. She emphasized that at least I am on it now.

Then we got into a bit of a discussion on how difficult of a child I was….from being colicky as a baby to being willful as a toddler along with not being easy to put to bed. She contrasted this with my middle brother who was very easy. Then she said that my brother is the one who missed out because I was so difficult that he had to be the overachieving good child.

We then spoke about how mom met dad and how my middle brother believes our step mom was to blame for how poorly our dad treated us during the divorce.

I admit I feel a bit exhausted….I guess I am again trying to process things.

alexandra
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Posts: 3,014

Processing time with my mom Jul 6, 2021 1:08:54 GMT via mobile

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Post by alexandra on Jul 6, 2021 1:08:54 GMT

Does your mom feel like a safe person for you to have discussions about these topics with? Does she still trigger you when it comes up (as her phrasing often sounds adversarial even though she is trying harder than she used to)? You can practice drawing your boundaries and not having these conversations with her if you don't want to be having them. Though I'm unclear if you want to have these conversations with her as they are helpful for you to gain more insight into yourself and how your family dynamics came to be, or if they are just stressful.

tnr9
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Posts: 3,782

Processing time with my mom Jul 6, 2021 3:49:28 GMT

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Post by tnr9 on Jul 6, 2021 3:49:28 GMT

Jul 6, 2021 1:08:54 GMT alexandra said:

Does your mom feel like a safe person for you to have discussions about these topics with? Does she still trigger you when it comes up (as her phrasing often sounds adversarial even though she is trying harder than she used to)? You can practice drawing your boundaries and not having these conversations with her if you don't want to be having them. Though I'm unclear if you want to have these conversations with her as they are helpful for you to gain more insight into yourself and how your family dynamics came to be, or if they are just stressful.

Hey Alexandria…I think they are a bit of both really….I mean, it is good to know things about my childhood because I don’t remember anything before the divorce really. But it does sting a bit to be called a difficult child…although that has stayed pretty consistent from my mom. Other then these talks…I don’t really have anything…literally anything to connect with my mom on. It is like we are from 2 different countries trying to find similarities and failing miserably. I do agree that she is better with me….I think she is just “honest to a fault” and doesn’t sugarcoat things. It is just how she is…very practical, very honest….I don’t think she is trying to be mean about it…these are her observations. It would be nice if how unfair things were for my brother was not constantly also a topic…but I have accepted that this is just part of things with my mom.