Post by star on Jul 7, 2021 18:30:16 GMT
Hi lovely people,
I've read bits and pieces of your opinions on therapy and was hoping you'd share your experiences here, good and bad...
I'll go first... while I think therapy is immensely helpful, I've now had enough therapy/therapists to have had vastly different experiences.
I had a therapist for years- and while we got along great, it felt more like a friendship. I wasn't feeling challenged. We just kind of shot the shit weekly. She was with me throughout my whole experience w my da/fa ex, and the whole time she kept encouraging me to hold on. Every time I expressed frustration and loneliness, she would say with certainty that she thought he would come around and that he just needed lots of space and patience. When I would say that he paid more attention to his dogs than me, she'd say just be patient and he'll transfer that love to you...She also knew about attachment theory so it seemed she knew what she was talking about. Well, when we broke up, she actually said, I don't know how you put up with that for so long. Needless to say, I have a new therapist.
I met my current therapist through a recommendation from a crisis intervention group. A family member was going through a hard time, which on the plus side, led to an introduction to therapy for him and a wealth of resources of excellent psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists.
This new therapist has been really amazing. We are doing EMDR and I am learning that, while I appear to be secure in relationships, internally I have FA tendencies and tend to choose emotionally unavailable men due to recreating patterns in my childhood w my dad. It's one of those things that seemed obvious on paper, but it's only when I saw that personal connection tied to specific memories that it makes sense on a very deep level. And this has helped me in so many ways to get over the relationship. It still hurts a lot, but it helps me take what happened less personally and really see how I also contributed by overstaying and hoping for an impossible outcome.
A question I have for you- when looking for a therapist, do you look at their personal lives at all? The first therapist I had, she has been in and out of relationships her whole life- she always seems to be dating or breaking up. This new therapist I have has been happily married for decades with two children. As a woman who is looking for commitment/marriage/possible family, I felt like the new therapist has been more effective bc of her life experiences and 'success' with the goals that I also want.
Anyway, the purpose of this thread isn't to knock therapists, although that's fine too. I really just wanted to hopefully help myself and hopefully others know more about different therapeutic approaches that have or have not worked for y'all.
I've read bits and pieces of your opinions on therapy and was hoping you'd share your experiences here, good and bad...
I'll go first... while I think therapy is immensely helpful, I've now had enough therapy/therapists to have had vastly different experiences.
I had a therapist for years- and while we got along great, it felt more like a friendship. I wasn't feeling challenged. We just kind of shot the shit weekly. She was with me throughout my whole experience w my da/fa ex, and the whole time she kept encouraging me to hold on. Every time I expressed frustration and loneliness, she would say with certainty that she thought he would come around and that he just needed lots of space and patience. When I would say that he paid more attention to his dogs than me, she'd say just be patient and he'll transfer that love to you...She also knew about attachment theory so it seemed she knew what she was talking about. Well, when we broke up, she actually said, I don't know how you put up with that for so long. Needless to say, I have a new therapist.
I met my current therapist through a recommendation from a crisis intervention group. A family member was going through a hard time, which on the plus side, led to an introduction to therapy for him and a wealth of resources of excellent psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists.
This new therapist has been really amazing. We are doing EMDR and I am learning that, while I appear to be secure in relationships, internally I have FA tendencies and tend to choose emotionally unavailable men due to recreating patterns in my childhood w my dad. It's one of those things that seemed obvious on paper, but it's only when I saw that personal connection tied to specific memories that it makes sense on a very deep level. And this has helped me in so many ways to get over the relationship. It still hurts a lot, but it helps me take what happened less personally and really see how I also contributed by overstaying and hoping for an impossible outcome.
A question I have for you- when looking for a therapist, do you look at their personal lives at all? The first therapist I had, she has been in and out of relationships her whole life- she always seems to be dating or breaking up. This new therapist I have has been happily married for decades with two children. As a woman who is looking for commitment/marriage/possible family, I felt like the new therapist has been more effective bc of her life experiences and 'success' with the goals that I also want.
Anyway, the purpose of this thread isn't to knock therapists, although that's fine too. I really just wanted to hopefully help myself and hopefully others know more about different therapeutic approaches that have or have not worked for y'all.