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Post by tnr9 on Aug 7, 2021 16:05:06 GMT
I have been working with my SE therapist for over a year and although I do feel I have come a long way…..I do still find that changing my thoughts and behaviors takes time. I recently discovered that somehow I am on the wrong dental plan for my needs which has meant that I will have to pay the majority of the cost. This is irritating…but before, I would have been stuck in being mad at myself and mad at my insurance….and I would not have been able to get out of that loop and do something productive for days. But yesterday, I called our health benefits line and someone is supposed to help me…I do have to send over some documentation and complete a waiver for her to have access to my medical information. Today, I found myself exhausted…and I think it is because I still have this feeling that I should not have to do this and a much more deep seeded feeling of exbarrassment…which goes into shame. Since it is Saturday….I am a.lowing myself extra time to rest and I will speak to my SE therapist about the shame….because I want to address the root and not just the current situation. I am sharing this because for those of us who are aware…I know I am not the only one who wants my wounds healed quickly…..but it takes time…so give yourself plenty of room for mistakes, but also for grace. Wishing you all well.
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Post by alexandra on Aug 7, 2021 19:16:10 GMT
Good post!
I stumbled across a description of AP probably 6 years before I earned secure. I was like oh wow, that's me! And then had no idea what to do with that information, so I wouldn't define it as awareness lol. I probably started thinking about my issues in earnest as opposed to just stumbling around 2 years later (after dating an extreme DA), then began actually working through them 1.5 years after that (after the especially bad first breakup with my serious FA ex). It definitely takes time, and not the same length of time for everyone, but never overnight. And that can be very, very frustrating at times along the way! It's a process to be patient with and to trust is happening at the pace that's right for you, but it's worth it to keep going.
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Post by dullboat123 on Aug 9, 2021 0:40:59 GMT
I have been working with my SE therapist for over a year and although I do feel I have come a long way…..I do still find that changing my thoughts and behaviors takes time. I recently discovered that somehow I am on the wrong dental plan for my needs which has meant that I will have to pay the majority of the cost. This is irritating…but before, I would have been stuck in being mad at myself and mad at my insurance….and I would not have been able to get out of that loop and do something productive for days. But yesterday, I called our health benefits line and someone is supposed to help me…I do have to send over some documentation and complete a waiver for her to have access to my medical information. Today, I found myself exhausted…and I think it is because I still have this feeling that I should not have to do this and a much more deep seeded feeling of exbarrassment…which goes into shame. Since it is Saturday….I am a.lowing myself extra time to rest and I will speak to my SE therapist about the shame….because I want to address the root and not just the current situation. I am sharing this because for those of us who are aware…I know I am not the only one who wants my wounds healed quickly…..but it takes time…so give yourself plenty of room for mistakes, but also for grace. Wishing you all well. I'm not sure if you're a FA or AP trying to earn secure. What I found though, is that this is pretty similar to my FA ex whereby incidents like these in life would take all the energy out of them whereby to me, a secure leaning AP, is "that's just life". A good example is when the rental agent lost the paperwork of my ex's rental property and she needs to re-sign and also ask her housemate to re-sign the paperwork and send it back. To me, its " shit happens. Just do it and send it back. No big deal here.". But to an FA, a small hiccup like that in life would send her walls up and it basically took all her energy for that day whereby I get affected too because she just wall herself off, spoiling the mood for the day where I have absolutely nothing to do with it other than offering my help. So my question is, is this an avoidant trait whereby they are almost catastrophically affected by small hiccups in life whereby they are not equipped with the emotional depth to deal with pretty much "daily life"? |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 9, 2021 12:25:10 GMT
Good post! I stumbled across a description of AP probably 6 years before I earned secure. I was like oh wow, that's me! And then had no idea what to do with that information, so I wouldn't define it as awareness lol. I probably started thinking about my issues in earnest as opposed to just stumbling around 2 years later (after dating an extreme DA), then began actually working through them 1.5 years after that (after the especially bad first breakup with my serious FA ex). It definitely takes time, and not the same length of time for everyone, but never overnight. And that can be very, very frustrating at times along the way! It's a process to be patient with and to trust is happening at the pace that's right for you, but it's worth it to keep going. Just a quick update…..on Sunday as the Monday appointment loomed, I found myself doing some emotional eating….thankfully I have fruit and veggies for such moments and my sleep was not the best. This morning I got a call from my dentist’s office that they got my message about the insurance snafu and my work with HRand my dentist will call me later today…so I did not need to go in and will spend more time today trying to get this addressed. |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 10, 2021 5:02:52 GMT
So…another update…spoke to my dentist and I feel a whole lot better. It turns out she has another patient who moved companies like I did (our company was bought) and has the same issue with the insurance…so at least I can let go of the feeling of embarrassment and feeling all alone in this. She is giving me a discount and we are moving ahead with the procedure because I need it. My new appt is next Monday. I did reach out to my mom and gave her periodic updates…and that went well. So overall….I handled this a heck of a lot better then I used to which makes me feel really proud of myself since I know I have done a heck of a lot of therapy work.
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Post by dullboat123 on Aug 11, 2021 1:18:55 GMT
Do you have kids?
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 11, 2021 2:59:33 GMT
Nope…unless you count my cat as a furry child. |
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Post by krolle on Aug 11, 2021 3:20:04 GMT
Nope…unless you count my cat as a furry child. I do |
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Post by alexandra on Aug 11, 2021 4:54:52 GMT
Nope…unless you count my cat as a furry child. I do I love hearing about tnr9 's FA cat! |
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Post by dullboat123 on Aug 11, 2021 6:21:35 GMT
Nope…unless you count my cat as a furry child. I think its the same because they demand a certain level of responsibility. How I build up resilience to deal with everyday hiccups is take a deep breath and tell yourself: "Ok, what is the first step that I need to take to resolve this?". Then when you resolve part one of the issue, take a deep breath, compliment yourself and move on to the next issue. Try to break the issue down into bite sizes. One step at a time because if you view the issue as a whole, it will easily overwhelm you. I get overwhelmed too. Also remind yourself that there is absolutely no shame in messing up. Everybody around the world fk up all the time. Every second, someone in this world is fking up right now. So go easy on yourself. |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 11, 2021 13:17:14 GMT
I love hearing about tnr9 's FA cat! He is doing well and is actually curled up next to me right now. I added a bunch of “safe” boxes….these are just cardboard boxes that he can jump into if he feels scared….which happens a lot still. He has the funniest snort when he is unhappy with me and his first line of defense is to still try to bite my ankles or hands….and he does not like being picked up at all…but I do pick him up and cuddle him.🙂 |
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