Post by anne12 on Aug 16, 2021 5:23:54 GMT
Sometimes it can be beneficial to look at other couples modeling secure attatchment.
Because what you focus on grows…
Maybe they are a swan couple modeling long lasting love or on their way to become a swan couple …*
- people in real life
- friends
- familymembers
- in movies
- songs about secure attatchment, secure love
- modern dance, ballet
- theater
ect.
Who is your favorite couple ?
* 7 tips for lasting spark in the relationship and how to become a swan couple and how to make the relationship last:
After around 5 years the love hormones often will fade out. But some couples are able to stay in love their whole life.
www.bbc.com/earth/story/20141204-the-truth-about-swans
What is the recipie:
Listen to each other. Try to understand what it is like to be the other person. You must both express your inner life: thoughts, needs and feelings - without complaining or demanding that the other fulfill all your desires. Lack of communication is the second most frequent cause of divorce - infidelity is the most frequent, but many infidelities are due to poor communication. There are several different levels of couple-talk - make sure to be present no matter which:
Practical things
Chatting about today's events and experiences
Deeper conversation where emotions, needs and problems are reversed
Stress Relief - Here it often goes wrong. Women typically release stress by talking. They can tell in detail about the day and the problems. Men often experience being drained of energy by listening to this. He would rather give good advice and solve the situation - she just wants to be listen to.
Tip: You can agree that the woman has 10 minutes (if possible, set an alarm) and the man just has to listen, ask and make affirmative remarks ("That sounds like a hassle to you", "I understand that you are mad over ”etc) and possibly put an arm around her.
Accept and respect your differences - yes, learn to love them! These are the ones that basically give the spark, and yet they rarely get smaller over time.
Repair - and ... if one has stepped the other over the toe! Say sorry or accept the apology. Remember, the other may not always figure out that you were injured - so tell them! Find out how it can be done good again and how it will not happen again in the future. And then let go.
Learn your own and your loved one's favorite ways to get love! Gary Chapman has divided the ways of giving and receiving love into five categories: physical touch, appreciative words, time for each other, gifts and services.
Break the cycle of everyday life. Explore the world and each other, be curious and have some new experiences together. It provides a community and releases dopamine. Remember to take care of boths interests.
Kiss and hug your beloved EVERY day. It releases dopamine. Not just quick aunt kisses - no heartfelt kisses and hugs that last a little longer, both of you present and not thinking about anything else.
Make sure that you have a good and vibrant sex life. It can be a challenge in a busy day perhaps with young children and / or demanding jobs.
Arrange dates you put in the calendar. You must naturally keep these agreements - no matter how tired
you are or whatever else may be in the way of headaches and so on. If one is very tired, you can have "passive sex", with the other "doing all the work". It is important that you at the same time respect your own and the partners boundaries. Did you know that headaches and certain migraines (depending on the cause) can be alleviated or completely disappear by lovemaking
To become a swan couple, each partner has to be able to fully commit.
Commitment:.
That you fully commit to the relationship and you close all the back doors.
Couples who have physical contact and who has a lot of good love making.
Doing something new together or doing something together in a different way. You get the feeling that you succeed with something. This releases dopamine.
If you want to fall in love again and again.
The 3 types of commitment:
1) I want to try. Trying is duying and thats not real commitment. Thats not good ENOUGH and you might as well forget about having a swan couple relationship that will last.
2) I'll do my best. Not good ENOUGH. Backdoor open.
3) What can we do to make this relationship successful and where can we get help if we don't know what to do? That's promising. That we both Will do everything to make the relationship work.
You receive each other when you each come home. The one at home receives the other at the door with exitement and grace. With kind eyes and a hug belly to belly.
A good thing in your relationship is to have new experiences together or to do the same things in different ways:
There are many who experience new things when traveling abroad. Or learn a new language together, run together, having dancing lessons together, playing tennis golf ect.
Or swap seats at the dinner table.
Cultivate sex in new ways, cultivate sex in new places ect.
Ambivalent (ap): Challenges:
Doubt can make it difficult - doubt can hinder commitment. (In an insecure relationship they often think, that they do not have any problems with commitment, but it often shows when love becomes available in a stable way).
They can start doubting if they are in the right relationship. If the grass is greener somewhere else ect
To make deposits into their partners love account
They may have so much contact need that their partner cannot provide enough for them.
To support and receive support to fulfill ones dreams.
The ambivalent may find it difficult to accept repair from the other - either it is too late or it is not done the right way.
Avoidant (da) : clallenges:
Minimising the importance of the relationship can make it difficult to commit.
They don't like conversations that much.
Limited physical touch (some dont like too much touching or sex after some time together).
Making something new together
Fill up their partners love tank.
Providing support and receive support
Sharing dreams
Disorganized (fa): challenges:
The good conversation - because of beeing desorganised
Doing something new together
Repair - black and white thinking - either you are with me or you are against me
Give and receive support
Exercise:
Use the 7 points to build your relationship to be a swan couple relationship
Particularly:
Lots of good lovemaking, kisses and physical touch
Do new things together or do the usual things in a new way
Because what you focus on grows…
Maybe they are a swan couple modeling long lasting love or on their way to become a swan couple …*
- people in real life
- friends
- familymembers
- in movies
- songs about secure attatchment, secure love
- modern dance, ballet
- theater
ect.
Who is your favorite couple ?
* 7 tips for lasting spark in the relationship and how to become a swan couple and how to make the relationship last:
After around 5 years the love hormones often will fade out. But some couples are able to stay in love their whole life.
www.bbc.com/earth/story/20141204-the-truth-about-swans
What is the recipie:
Listen to each other. Try to understand what it is like to be the other person. You must both express your inner life: thoughts, needs and feelings - without complaining or demanding that the other fulfill all your desires. Lack of communication is the second most frequent cause of divorce - infidelity is the most frequent, but many infidelities are due to poor communication. There are several different levels of couple-talk - make sure to be present no matter which:
Practical things
Chatting about today's events and experiences
Deeper conversation where emotions, needs and problems are reversed
Stress Relief - Here it often goes wrong. Women typically release stress by talking. They can tell in detail about the day and the problems. Men often experience being drained of energy by listening to this. He would rather give good advice and solve the situation - she just wants to be listen to.
Tip: You can agree that the woman has 10 minutes (if possible, set an alarm) and the man just has to listen, ask and make affirmative remarks ("That sounds like a hassle to you", "I understand that you are mad over ”etc) and possibly put an arm around her.
Accept and respect your differences - yes, learn to love them! These are the ones that basically give the spark, and yet they rarely get smaller over time.
Repair - and ... if one has stepped the other over the toe! Say sorry or accept the apology. Remember, the other may not always figure out that you were injured - so tell them! Find out how it can be done good again and how it will not happen again in the future. And then let go.
Learn your own and your loved one's favorite ways to get love! Gary Chapman has divided the ways of giving and receiving love into five categories: physical touch, appreciative words, time for each other, gifts and services.
Break the cycle of everyday life. Explore the world and each other, be curious and have some new experiences together. It provides a community and releases dopamine. Remember to take care of boths interests.
Kiss and hug your beloved EVERY day. It releases dopamine. Not just quick aunt kisses - no heartfelt kisses and hugs that last a little longer, both of you present and not thinking about anything else.
Make sure that you have a good and vibrant sex life. It can be a challenge in a busy day perhaps with young children and / or demanding jobs.
Arrange dates you put in the calendar. You must naturally keep these agreements - no matter how tired
you are or whatever else may be in the way of headaches and so on. If one is very tired, you can have "passive sex", with the other "doing all the work". It is important that you at the same time respect your own and the partners boundaries. Did you know that headaches and certain migraines (depending on the cause) can be alleviated or completely disappear by lovemaking
To become a swan couple, each partner has to be able to fully commit.
Commitment:.
That you fully commit to the relationship and you close all the back doors.
Couples who have physical contact and who has a lot of good love making.
Doing something new together or doing something together in a different way. You get the feeling that you succeed with something. This releases dopamine.
If you want to fall in love again and again.
The 3 types of commitment:
1) I want to try. Trying is duying and thats not real commitment. Thats not good ENOUGH and you might as well forget about having a swan couple relationship that will last.
2) I'll do my best. Not good ENOUGH. Backdoor open.
3) What can we do to make this relationship successful and where can we get help if we don't know what to do? That's promising. That we both Will do everything to make the relationship work.
You receive each other when you each come home. The one at home receives the other at the door with exitement and grace. With kind eyes and a hug belly to belly.
A good thing in your relationship is to have new experiences together or to do the same things in different ways:
There are many who experience new things when traveling abroad. Or learn a new language together, run together, having dancing lessons together, playing tennis golf ect.
Or swap seats at the dinner table.
Cultivate sex in new ways, cultivate sex in new places ect.
Ambivalent (ap): Challenges:
Doubt can make it difficult - doubt can hinder commitment. (In an insecure relationship they often think, that they do not have any problems with commitment, but it often shows when love becomes available in a stable way).
They can start doubting if they are in the right relationship. If the grass is greener somewhere else ect
To make deposits into their partners love account
They may have so much contact need that their partner cannot provide enough for them.
To support and receive support to fulfill ones dreams.
The ambivalent may find it difficult to accept repair from the other - either it is too late or it is not done the right way.
Avoidant (da) : clallenges:
Minimising the importance of the relationship can make it difficult to commit.
They don't like conversations that much.
Limited physical touch (some dont like too much touching or sex after some time together).
Making something new together
Fill up their partners love tank.
Providing support and receive support
Sharing dreams
Disorganized (fa): challenges:
The good conversation - because of beeing desorganised
Doing something new together
Repair - black and white thinking - either you are with me or you are against me
Give and receive support
Exercise:
Use the 7 points to build your relationship to be a swan couple relationship
Particularly:
Lots of good lovemaking, kisses and physical touch
Do new things together or do the usual things in a new way
