DA/AP long story Sept 3, 2021 23:50:56 GMT via mobile
Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2021 23:50:56 GMT
I feel a pang of discomfort that the way you are talking about it is a little insensitive.
I sense dysfunction, but no genuine malice in the OP.
Perhaps it's just the people pleaser in me feeling uncomfortable. And I need to check myself. So take my opinion with a pinch of salt. I'm just sharing my feelings with you.
Well, you're certainly very selective about who you call out for being insensitive, by the looks of this thread. Actually, upon the reading of many threads here. Do you fail to confront insensitivity in posters you are less familiar with, in avoidance of conflict? What I mean is you do seem to have a lot of people pleasing in your posts. You may sense insensitivity, but what I see is absurdity, even cruelty in the selfishness of OP's posts. Repeatedly going no contact, recognizing it causes fear in her, but it makes her so happy to reconnect... and then claiming he needs to do it again for himself, and for her.
That doesn't mean I can't empathize with him- we are all insecure here and I literally have anguished but also eventually laughed till I cried (at myself) with my girlfriends, about the absurdity of my thinking and choices when unaware. It's sobering and it ought to be. It may sound harsh to point it out the way it has been here... but we are calling out some pretty harmful treatment.
Additionally, it's very frequent that an anxious poster gets a ton of empathy, as they post with little empathy about their avoidant partner. He's gone so far as to insinuate a sense of superiority in her. His post bleeds superiority.
So- it may be that some are offended or feel pangs like you do. Believe this: as a DA on this forum that's a constant for me. DA's get thrashed continuously, and I haven't seen you particularly or vocally offended by that. It's like a different standard.
What I see, generally, and. not necessarily from you but as a general tone on the forum... is anyone who is anxious as AP or FA is deserving of more sensitivity than a DA-because we don't live as anxious insecure. It's the "us (anxious) against them (dismissive)" culture. You haven't said anything to OP here about his insensitivity in how he is treating this woman. If you did I missed it and I'll go back and try to find it. I find his writing/actions to be very insensitive. I definitely feel pangs.
Anyway, we all have feelings and can agree to disagree. I am actually very ok with that. It's not possible to find complete agreement all the time, for sure.