dexter
Junior Member
Posts: 96
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Post by dexter on Jan 14, 2022 12:50:42 GMT
You know what dexter ? You used the convo about a visit with the boy to mention that you feel pressured and manipulated, and you need to stop that crap. Seriously, you are now acting like a victim and throwing him into the middle of it, he's the only and I mean the ONLY victim here. I can have some sympathy up until the point you do stuff like that and make excuses on here. It's atrocious the way you two behave concerning this child and I don't condone your tantrums with her. I agree you need to get out of the picture. It's absurd, and tragic.
I am sorry I've triggered so much negative emotions in you.
I didn't used convo for mentioning that I felt pressure. I was in fact pressured in a not nice way. She made me feel guilty, ashamed of leaving the kid, put a blame on me, and even told me how she felt when she was 8 and her stepdad left her for good. She didn't put an effort into relationship, run away from therapy, deactivated, then was trying to manipulate me into "situationship" in December. It was her decision to leave relationship and to deny any knowledge we've gained and a need to growth and understand each other. And now she claims that is my responsibility to stay forever in kid's life. What I've said was me putting a boundary - I don't want to feel manipulated, I don't want power struggle, I want a teamwork in coping things with kid. I didn't want to drag her again into therapy, It is not my agenda. My agenda is only related to ME. As I've said before, and alexandra wonderfully pointed it out, she clearly have problems with regulating kid's emotions and helping him process the separation. I offered my help, but eventually she rejected it almost week ago, claiming that if I can't guarantee that I will be always and forever available in kid's life, we should cut it off right now. Fine by me. Still, her kid is calling me almost every day, saying how much he loves me and want me to be with him. It is emotionally tough for me and I suppose she just isn't able to communicate him properly and firmly that me and his mum split forever.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2022 19:56:35 GMT
dexter, when parents who don't get along because they are toxic together separate, it's time to make it about the kid and not about their own feelings. You're still trying to get blood from a turnip from her, and it's as if you are unable to function with her unless she makes you feel the way you want to feel. If you want to be in the kids life you will have to realize that she isn't going to be who and what you want her to be, and that you're an adult who can manage your own emotions about that while serving the best interests of the boy. As it is, you two are both inconsistent, unreliable, and focused on your own dynamic and he's suffering for that. A cancelled visit because you two have to fight is damaging and unfair to him.
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dexter
Junior Member
Posts: 96
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Post by dexter on Jan 15, 2022 16:37:23 GMT
I can't be in her kid's life. We peacefully came to an agreement on that. She wanted me to guarantee her that I will not leave him in the future, due to my possible new relationship or other circumstances. I was ready to meet him for a month or so and maybe try to seek outside help of children therapist, if she alone is unable to process him through separation. I am very anxious and still preocuppied about my ex and relationship with her, and it really affects my life and mental health. I am addicted. My strong belief that we are not meant to each other due to attachment incompatibility is to less to keep my pain away. I need to cut it off. I can't imagine myself in a strange situationship, where I am coparenting not even being a bio father (which in fact exist and should take his responsibility). Whats more, the kid wants us to be a family again. He still insist that he will help us rekindle. That is unhealthy for all parties involved. We need to deattach. All of us. I know I might be seen as irresponsible or non-sensitive, but believe, all that situation is very painful for me. I feel a tragic drama without good outcome.
Still, he calls me from his mum's Phone nearly everyday. Telling me how much he loves me and asks when do I come back. Today morning he sent me a picture of his mum in a new haircut. Few hours later she called me on random thing and asked me if she could come and borrow it, but I was away from town. All of that raises my anxiety and longing. I feel trapped. I know I can't block her or tell to never call me again.
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