Lost in Space - Canto's Mask.

It is okay to ramble here! And what you said makes sense.

But remember, who she is now is also part of her. She might have taken her mask off, not put it on.

Something interesting about this... my boyfriend sometimes fails to really take in things that I communicate with him, if it doesn't align with his perspective or preference or priority. On my end, I will be trying to work out an adjustment we need to make in the relationship and on his end, he's just not taking it seriously or applying his own defense mechanisms to it. Then, if things hit a point where conflict arises his perspective is that I changed suddenly and he didn't or couldn't see it coming.

This kind of thing happens between people sometimes- sometimes it's indicative of a fatal flaw in communication between people, ineffective communication, resistance to taking it what's being communicated, etc. Sometimes it's something a couple can and do work through.

You've applied this little story to your feelings but it doesn't necessarily fit HER experience. I see it as a way of blaming her and romanticizing your own position. I also believe it's more likely that the breakdown happened over time, there were indications you may have been oblivious to, due to your own lens you view with. The reason I believe this is that a relationship that seems to end out of the blue isn't a secure relationship, it's typically some kind of insecure fantasy.

Maybe explore your own perspective to see if you have blind spots - doing this is a way to learn, empower yourself and build a capacity to choose and create a relationship that doesn't end like that.

Sorry you're going through it. But maybe you need a more realistic perspective and not just an emotional one.

also wanted to add- there has been a VAST improvement over time as we have each begun to recognize and address our dysfunctional approach to relationship, and how ee communicate. Trust is essential and that is built over time between two people who are committed to growth. So these patterns are changeable in yourself if they do happen to exist, but you would be need to be willing to open to the possibility that you are part of the problem. That causes some huge backlash in people who are hurting but remains the proven avenue to better relationships.

I'm sorry you're going through the bewilderment and pain. I learned about attachment after a bout with a narcissist whom I learned later was diagnosed . While I didn't miss him after I finally left, at all... I did have a lot of confusion and despair about how I could have got it so wrong and not even seen what was going on with me to be able to even engage with him at all. Certainly there is a lot to point at in a person with a PD but it was my own holes that made it possible to get entangled.
That is far far behind me know and I truly get what happened. But the discovery process was really painful and discouraging. But there's hope, you may already know that. I'm avoidant by the way... with a big chunk of secure I'd say judging by the mutual growth and stability in my current relationship (w anxious leaning man.)
It's all painful. Both ends. I hope you have support and find peace.

tholemew I went through something similar with my FA ex a month ago. For me that switch from loving to stone cold was very difficult to accept. But as many people say on this forum, it's also on us having missed signs, or choosing to not see them, or just being too patient in the hope that they'd come back and things would get better. Trying to understand the otehr person is one part, looking at our own behaviour and learn from the experience and try to do better next time is essential. Regardless, I am so sorry you are suffering. Feel the feelings and go through the 'tunnel'.