Post by iamnotarobot on Oct 23, 2021 17:33:37 GMT
Hello, I'm a long time lurker, and this is my first post, so please be gentle.
I'm currently in a relationship with a woman who I think is FA (been reading a lot here!)
The relationship started rather intensely, with unbounded amounts of limerance from both sides. The limerance is somewhat still there but now waning, actions don't mirror words, and now it feels the pendulum has now swung to the avoidant side.
- She has children from a previous 10 year marriage, we've been dating for a year but yet she is reluctant for me to get to know them, I feel as though I'm kept at arms length. But tells me I'm a great role model for her son?! Apparently I have to 'work up' to spending anymore time with them.
- Interestgly she's always treated our relationship as project. Phase 1, Phase 2 talk!
- We're still in a relationship but she's blocked me on all social media, as her seeing my online makes her 'anxious'. We're in our in thirties and I find this behaviour very strange. I did bring it up, but says she doesn't want to be like 'other couples'. I can understand blocking after a breakup but not during, but I trust her enough not to be hiding anything.
- I've gone from being 'awesome' and 'special' to 'you could be any other man!'. This is what hurts the most.....then reverts to being warm agin the next time I see her.
- just recently she wants a sex ban, she hasn't said why, but apparently love is 'just a bunch of chemicals'. I'm well aware of the differences of idealistic romance and real life. Do you think she may feel as though she's losing control? As she said she needs to weane herself off of me. TBH she's makes me sound like a bad habit rather than a partner! But there was some crazy talk about being poisoned by oxytocin!.
- We don't live together and perhaps see each other once a week, but she has now me too ed that she 'stuggles' when I'm not around!
- I try to talk to her about what's she's feeling and thinking, but it's very difficult to get a response to a question, seems avoidant even in answering!
What would your take be on the above?
I'm thinking that the honeymoon period is over and she's struggling with next part.......either that she's really not into me?!
I know I've painted someone cold above, but this has been very recent behaviour to otherwise a good relationship where we share the same humour, and interests. In addition we haven't really argued, but I put this down to seeing each other less frequently or once per week, but she is a bad communicator whereas I tend to overshare.
Appreciate you guys reading, and giving any advice. I'm sure to add to this as and when things pop up as this is a very recent, live set of circumstances. I'm trying not to blame myself for anything or ruminate, but should I attempt to fix or expect this behaviour as the death knell of our relationship?
Thank you
I'm currently in a relationship with a woman who I think is FA (been reading a lot here!)
The relationship started rather intensely, with unbounded amounts of limerance from both sides. The limerance is somewhat still there but now waning, actions don't mirror words, and now it feels the pendulum has now swung to the avoidant side.
- She has children from a previous 10 year marriage, we've been dating for a year but yet she is reluctant for me to get to know them, I feel as though I'm kept at arms length. But tells me I'm a great role model for her son?! Apparently I have to 'work up' to spending anymore time with them.
- Interestgly she's always treated our relationship as project. Phase 1, Phase 2 talk!
- We're still in a relationship but she's blocked me on all social media, as her seeing my online makes her 'anxious'. We're in our in thirties and I find this behaviour very strange. I did bring it up, but says she doesn't want to be like 'other couples'. I can understand blocking after a breakup but not during, but I trust her enough not to be hiding anything.
- I've gone from being 'awesome' and 'special' to 'you could be any other man!'. This is what hurts the most.....then reverts to being warm agin the next time I see her.
- just recently she wants a sex ban, she hasn't said why, but apparently love is 'just a bunch of chemicals'. I'm well aware of the differences of idealistic romance and real life. Do you think she may feel as though she's losing control? As she said she needs to weane herself off of me. TBH she's makes me sound like a bad habit rather than a partner! But there was some crazy talk about being poisoned by oxytocin!.
- We don't live together and perhaps see each other once a week, but she has now me too ed that she 'stuggles' when I'm not around!
- I try to talk to her about what's she's feeling and thinking, but it's very difficult to get a response to a question, seems avoidant even in answering!
What would your take be on the above?
I'm thinking that the honeymoon period is over and she's struggling with next part.......either that she's really not into me?!
I know I've painted someone cold above, but this has been very recent behaviour to otherwise a good relationship where we share the same humour, and interests. In addition we haven't really argued, but I put this down to seeing each other less frequently or once per week, but she is a bad communicator whereas I tend to overshare.
Appreciate you guys reading, and giving any advice. I'm sure to add to this as and when things pop up as this is a very recent, live set of circumstances. I'm trying not to blame myself for anything or ruminate, but should I attempt to fix or expect this behaviour as the death knell of our relationship?
Thank you
