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Post by tnr9 on Nov 10, 2021 21:08:00 GMT
I am trying to see if being bullied is something FAs share in common. It is a very painful topic for me…because I was socially behind my other classmates due to being an HSP. I really struggled in elementary, jr high and high school and was subjected to bullying on a pretty regular basis. Has anyone else experienced bulling and do you think it made you more insecure?
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Post by alexandra on Nov 10, 2021 23:59:58 GMT
My FA ex definitely was. It certainly didn't help him. It took him a long time to mention it to me, but it was a very bad situation that wasn't his fault at all (it truly started as wrong place wrong time and some kids being really mean and running with it for the next several years). He basically said it made him more distrustful of others while also more people-pleasing. I don't think it would have changed his attachment style to security if he hadn't been bullied, since the FA development was related to his family dynamics, but I think it made him double down on dysfunctional coping mechanisms, making them even more entrenched.
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sorgin
Junior Member
Posts: 69
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Post by sorgin on Nov 12, 2021 8:36:58 GMT
I am FA and I didn't suffer from bullying when in school. I guess it had to do with me being in the group of the "bad guys". When I was 14-15 yrs old a couple guys bothered me for about several months or maybe one year, more like verbal intimidation, once in a while, but not really bullying. I remember that my reaction to it was disproportionate, I feared them, it created a lot of stress because I couldn't understand why they were doing that to me and I strongly hated them to the point that when I started to be physically fit at 16 I waited for a couple of years until they bothered me again so I could beat them without me being the initiator. Luckily it never happened. I can,t tell how it could have turned me to be FA, and I probably was FA before. My bullying was coming from my parents, I was never ever right, it was and it is still always my fault, no matter what. I say something, they say otherwise. I know their answer before they say anything, they are highly predictible. None of the decisions I take in life seems to please them because their brain pattern is being always insatisfied with me even if they say "I support your decision" because over the years they have learnt it is what parents are supposed to do, but minutes later they will say something that unmask them as being disappointed with me. Also my mom was 24-7 controlling me, and yelling at me when I did anything wrong, which was almost every day I guess, I can't recall. She used to beat me with the house shoe and pinching me. I think that's quite similar to experiencing bullying. Not a big trauma, and I can't think about it as a big trauma. I didn't feel fear when did something wrong. In fact I used to mock her saying see wasn't strong enough to make me feel pain while see was beating me. I think it is more about experiencing thousand of micro traumas during my entire life that made me FA, specially the emotional traumas. Now she tries to salve her conscience by believing that all childreen choose their mother before being born. Even being born is my fault haha.
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Post by annieb on Nov 12, 2021 18:48:32 GMT
Thankfully no! I was pretty popular in school and did really well, although I was a bit shy and introverted. School was a reprieve from my chaotic home life and if I remember correctly I was even standing up to bullies in general. It occurred to me much later in life that bullies were struggling so much more in their home life than I ever did. I learned recently that one of the biggest bullies in our school died from suicide.
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