Post by Guest33 on Apr 5, 2016 3:22:13 GMT
Hello Jeb,
So I began dating this girl for a few months and then all of a sudden she ended it.
I was oblivious to the signs and didn't have a clue about attachment theory when I was dating her. Afterwards I stumbled upon Mark Manson's attachment theory article and I started to put two and two together and it explained a lot of things. A few days later my mum actually had your book 'Attachment' in the living room and I read it all in one day.
Our first date went very well and we clicked so I began going on subsequent dates with her over the course of a few months. She would often text me first and we had small conversations through text two or three times a week, I saw her once a week, sometimes more. I thought it was going very well as when I was with her she was very charming and seductive and she often said she really likes me. Safe to say I started getting strong feelings for her.
The last time I saw her we watched movies at her place and chilled. I kissed her goodnight and we had a few text exchanges later that night, she said she always has fun with me and I said the same thing back. Then a few days later I get a text from her saying I dont think I can see you anymore, my feelings aren't 100% and I dont want to lead you on or hurt you. This was actually my first intimate relationship with someone so I wasn't too sure how to react to this message, especially because I thought things were going great up until this point. I felt somewhat rejected and just accepted it, then after a few more days I kept thinking about it, so I messaged her wanting some answers. She messages me back saying we weren't sexually compatible and she thought we were so intrinsically different on a deeper level it would be unfair to continue to date me, she also said she just wants to be friends. I said no to being friends with her in which she said it wasn't going to work. I waited a day and sent her another message saying 'Okay lets be friends'.. she replied saying 'I really appreciate a friendship with you' Then later that night I get a message from her telling me she was sorry and she wanted to call me. This was past midnight and I wasn't in the mood to be talking to people so I said you can call me tomorrow in which she never did. I waited a few days and sent her another message, I got no reply, she was obviously ignoring me, which is odd because she never did that before.
At this point I began reading about Attachment Theory and all of this was making sense. She told me she had a serious relationship with someone for one year and she was emotionally hurt by it. I started to remember things she would say to me as well that resonated with the traits of a Dismissive Avoidant attachment type. She said things like “I dont like talking about my feelings”, “Im not an emotional person” and "I can come across very defensive”. She also said she keeps people close to her at a distance and people she hardly knows close. She would often tell me how she gets uncomfortable with people that get to close to her on public transport too, she felt 'suffocated'. I would often be very affectionate towards her too in which she always reciprocated but she would say things like “Im not an affectionate person”. The last few times I saw her too she did feel somewhat distant and I felt like all she wanted to do is have sex with me.
Fast forward a few weeks and I noticed she deleted me from facebook, which is odd because she was the one who wanted to be friends and appreciates a friendship with me. I messaged her again and I still got no reply.
I just find it very odd she wont return any of my messages and deleted me from facebook... is this her way of distancing herself?
Is it possible she new she has these attachment issues?
Im now going to move on. Which is hard for me because this is the first time Ive truly opened up with someone and had a real intimate relationship
Jeb, is this a classic case of the Dismissive Avoidant?
Thanks in advance for your advice.
So I began dating this girl for a few months and then all of a sudden she ended it.
I was oblivious to the signs and didn't have a clue about attachment theory when I was dating her. Afterwards I stumbled upon Mark Manson's attachment theory article and I started to put two and two together and it explained a lot of things. A few days later my mum actually had your book 'Attachment' in the living room and I read it all in one day.
Our first date went very well and we clicked so I began going on subsequent dates with her over the course of a few months. She would often text me first and we had small conversations through text two or three times a week, I saw her once a week, sometimes more. I thought it was going very well as when I was with her she was very charming and seductive and she often said she really likes me. Safe to say I started getting strong feelings for her.
The last time I saw her we watched movies at her place and chilled. I kissed her goodnight and we had a few text exchanges later that night, she said she always has fun with me and I said the same thing back. Then a few days later I get a text from her saying I dont think I can see you anymore, my feelings aren't 100% and I dont want to lead you on or hurt you. This was actually my first intimate relationship with someone so I wasn't too sure how to react to this message, especially because I thought things were going great up until this point. I felt somewhat rejected and just accepted it, then after a few more days I kept thinking about it, so I messaged her wanting some answers. She messages me back saying we weren't sexually compatible and she thought we were so intrinsically different on a deeper level it would be unfair to continue to date me, she also said she just wants to be friends. I said no to being friends with her in which she said it wasn't going to work. I waited a day and sent her another message saying 'Okay lets be friends'.. she replied saying 'I really appreciate a friendship with you' Then later that night I get a message from her telling me she was sorry and she wanted to call me. This was past midnight and I wasn't in the mood to be talking to people so I said you can call me tomorrow in which she never did. I waited a few days and sent her another message, I got no reply, she was obviously ignoring me, which is odd because she never did that before.
At this point I began reading about Attachment Theory and all of this was making sense. She told me she had a serious relationship with someone for one year and she was emotionally hurt by it. I started to remember things she would say to me as well that resonated with the traits of a Dismissive Avoidant attachment type. She said things like “I dont like talking about my feelings”, “Im not an emotional person” and "I can come across very defensive”. She also said she keeps people close to her at a distance and people she hardly knows close. She would often tell me how she gets uncomfortable with people that get to close to her on public transport too, she felt 'suffocated'. I would often be very affectionate towards her too in which she always reciprocated but she would say things like “Im not an affectionate person”. The last few times I saw her too she did feel somewhat distant and I felt like all she wanted to do is have sex with me.
Fast forward a few weeks and I noticed she deleted me from facebook, which is odd because she was the one who wanted to be friends and appreciates a friendship with me. I messaged her again and I still got no reply.
I just find it very odd she wont return any of my messages and deleted me from facebook... is this her way of distancing herself?
Is it possible she new she has these attachment issues?
Im now going to move on. Which is hard for me because this is the first time Ive truly opened up with someone and had a real intimate relationship
Jeb, is this a classic case of the Dismissive Avoidant?
Thanks in advance for your advice.
