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Post by tnr9 on Jan 3, 2022 21:18:57 GMT
Recently I have been dea.I got with a lot of anger…not expressed per say….but I feel it in my body (tightness in my throat, clenching my teeth, tightness in my stomach and tears)
A lot of things have happened that on the surface, would not require the level of anger I am feeling.
1. My accident/new car situation…..I still want the time machine that will allow me to undo the accident…entitled of me I know. And although I know accidents happen and it wasn’t on purpose….and no one was hurt…..there is something about it that is still causing an embarrassed/shame reaction. Like it is ok for other people to have accidents but
not me. Then there is The Who.e new car bit….I don’t know why I am annoyed by having to spend money on a new car. And due to my original car being pulled for quality checks…I am actually getting a different one with a few features the one I originally was going to buy does not have…but this is still an issue for me.
2. My job…..I am being moved under a different manager and although there is a part of me that is excited to try a new role…I am the only one from my team that is moving under a different manager,…so part of me feels alienated and not chosen.
3. My mom….things are still problematic with me mom…..at Christmas dinner she told my sister in law’s family that I was the most problematic of her children growing up. She still claims I go on and on so she can’t stay on a call with me for more then 5-10 minutes.
I really don’t know how to handle these angry feelings….so looking for some advice actually.
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Post by anne12 on Jan 4, 2022 6:15:11 GMT
What does your therapist suggest ? How have you worked with anger with her in therapy ? How do you transform the anger into life energy ? Your accident: It can give a shock trauma Have you worked with your accident in SE therapy ? Did you see the link about how to work with auto accidents in your auto accident thread ? Your natural security filter around your body can get damaged by accidents etc. so that you can feel less safe (and maybe more aggressive) Working with auto accident in SE therapy jebkinnisonforum.com/post/44318/www.boazfeldman.com/EN/Links_files/HELLER%20-%20Somatic-Experiencing-with-Auto-Accident-Diane-Poole-Heller….pdfyoutu.be/UFOL7eyz80Ywww.youtube.com/watch?https://youtu.be/UFOL7eyz80Yv=4_dwYPfLwzsyoutu.be/2nkOB4iL4QoHave you had Gentle Cranial sacral therapy to calming your nervous system Releasing of the psoas ect. About your mother: I would get annoyed if my mother was talking about me like that in front of other people.. With your mother I would use the two chair anger exercise, the boundary setting model and some of the other tools in the anger pattern thread, talk to your mother when you are alone about whats bothering you ect. And kindly remind her everytime she talks about you like that infront of other people……(with a soft tone of voice and kind eyes, a hand raised in the air as a reminder ect.) Did you read my post on how to prepare yourself for family gatherings ? Your work situation You can also use some of the tools with your boss, HR ect. - work through the boundarie setting model, use the two chair anger exercise etc. Did they prepare / talk to you about the changes at work or did it just happen without you being involved ? Have you asked them why it was you who had to have a different maneger ? HSP If theres a lot of changes in a short period of time it can also “trigger” some of your hsp ? For most hsps it can take longer time to process, adjust to new things, adjust to changes etc. so I wold try have some paitience with myself, if I were you… |
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Post by anne12 on Jan 4, 2022 7:21:15 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Jan 4, 2022 11:38:01 GMT
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 4, 2022 15:05:56 GMT
Thanks anne12. I will read these later today. 🙂🙂 |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2022 16:04:14 GMT
tnr9 my mother did that to me also, took any opportunity to put me down around family. I was angry too. She wasn't responsive to any boundary. I see her as kind of a bully, and I definitely had to work through anger. Anger helps get you to the point of being able to say NO, and hopefully when you are able to do that she will respect your NO. If not you will be able to decide how much contact you want with her or how you will take good care of yourself. I remind myself, parents are just people and people can be jerks. Bullies have kids, too. Not that your mom is a bully although she sounds somewhat lacking in kindness toward you and even seems to target you. Of course we take this and internalize it as children, and our inner children get beat up constantly by it. It will be up to adult you to protect yourself and I hope you can find a way to do that which feels good to you. Wishing you the best on your journey through the anger. You can use it to empower yourself, but it sure is rough to sit with.
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 4, 2022 17:55:57 GMT
tnr9 my mother did that to me also, took any opportunity to put me down around family. I was angry too. She wasn't responsive to any boundary. I see her as kind of a bully, and I definitely had to work through anger. Anger helps get you to the point of being able to say NO, and hopefully when you are able to do that she will respect your NO. If not you will be able to decide how much contact you want with her or how you will take good care of yourself. I remind myself, parents are just people and people can be jerks. Bullies have kids, too. Not that your mom is a bully although she sounds somewhat lacking in kindness toward you and even seems to target you. Of course we take this and internalize it as children, and our inner children get beat up constantly by it. It will be up to adult you to protect yourself and I hope you can find a way to do that which feels good to you. Wishing you the best on your journey through the anger. You can use it to empower yourself, but it sure is rough to sit with. Thanks @introvert….after writing all these things down, I did feel better and am not sitting in anger right now. When my mom said that…she looked at me and said…don’t you agree and I said….no I don’t, but if that is how you view me, so be it. I don’t think my mom is trying to be mean…in her eyes that is brutal honesty….but it means she is stuck in the past and I am not going back there with her. I have worked too hard to accept myself and to gain new tools. I view it as her depriving herself of an adult relationship with her adult daughter in favor of an old perspective of me. She may have come by this honestly as it may have been how her mom treated her as an adult….but I don’t want to be sucked into that vortex. So I am going to work on reinforcing my own boundaries and staying grounded in the present. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2022 19:01:31 GMT
tnr9 my mother did that to me also, took any opportunity to put me down around family. I was angry too. She wasn't responsive to any boundary. I see her as kind of a bully, and I definitely had to work through anger. Anger helps get you to the point of being able to say NO, and hopefully when you are able to do that she will respect your NO. If not you will be able to decide how much contact you want with her or how you will take good care of yourself. I remind myself, parents are just people and people can be jerks. Bullies have kids, too. Not that your mom is a bully although she sounds somewhat lacking in kindness toward you and even seems to target you. Of course we take this and internalize it as children, and our inner children get beat up constantly by it. It will be up to adult you to protect yourself and I hope you can find a way to do that which feels good to you. Wishing you the best on your journey through the anger. You can use it to empower yourself, but it sure is rough to sit with. Thanks @introvert….after writing all these things down, I did feel better and am not sitting in anger right now. When my mom said that…she looked at me and said…don’t you agree and I said….no I don’t, but if that is how you view me, so be it. I don’t think my mom is trying to be mean…in her eyes that is brutal honesty….but it means she is stuck in the past and I am not going back there with her. I have worked too hard to accept myself and to gain new tools. I view it as her depriving herself of an adult relationship with her adult daughter in favor of an old perspective of me. She may have come by this honestly as it may have been how her mom treated her as an adult….but I don’t want to be sucked into that vortex. So I am going to work on reinforcing my own boundaries and staying grounded in the present. It sounds like you're doing great, and I'm proud of you. Im glad that you can accept yourself and not take on her limited views. Great job! I got to that point with my mother as well, but she was actually pretty mean, and torched relationships all around her with angry, critical outbursts. So she was a different sort, but what really matters is not what's going on with them but how we manage what goes on within ourselves. |
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