Post by epistasis on Nov 14, 2017 17:25:27 GMT
I have a few questions about a FA/DA I dated. I have a basic understanding of why he did/said certain things, but I would like to see if anybody can add anything that I may be missing.
1. When my ex and I would have a disagreement, he would say that if I didn't like something, then I should stop talking to him. Was this an attempt to reject me before I could potentially reject him?
2. When he was 22, his best childhood friend died due to a freak accident while boating. It's been twelve years now since this friend of his died. I don't think my ex has ever been as close with anybody as he was with this particular friend. They were like brothers. I remember seeing Facebook pictures of them together and it was like my ex was a totally different person while with this friend. He seemed like he truly loved this friend and it seemed like a very intimate friendship. I saw the online obituary and that my ex had commented. The way he wrote about this friend completely shocked me, as it was so loving. I had no idea my ex was capable of emotions that deep. He wrote something like, "My life has been turned upside down. You understood me better than anybody else. I love you and you were my best friend. Life will never be the same."
His friend died on Easter. I remember on Easter while we were dating, he asked me to go on a hike with him. He was taking many pictures of the hike, and I thought he was doing it as a way to remember our date. A few months later I saw a post in a Facebook group my ex belonged to honoring his best friend who had died. He posted the pictures of our hike to the group. I forgot that he used to love to hike with his best friend. He also posted an extremely long story about the last hike they had together before his friend died. It was a beautiful story, but I realized that my ex had never spoken about a girl in this way... ever. He also used to tell me that he hated taking girls hiking because it's never as much fun as with guy friends. My ex also had a framed memorial picture of his best friend in his home and would always wear a shirt with the title of a fishing supply store where his best friend worked in the summers. This showed me that my ex had a very deep friendship with this person, but I know he has never replaced this friend. It was almost like he was still mourning the loss of this friend silently.
Could the sudden death of a very close friend make somebody more avoidant?
1. When my ex and I would have a disagreement, he would say that if I didn't like something, then I should stop talking to him. Was this an attempt to reject me before I could potentially reject him?
2. When he was 22, his best childhood friend died due to a freak accident while boating. It's been twelve years now since this friend of his died. I don't think my ex has ever been as close with anybody as he was with this particular friend. They were like brothers. I remember seeing Facebook pictures of them together and it was like my ex was a totally different person while with this friend. He seemed like he truly loved this friend and it seemed like a very intimate friendship. I saw the online obituary and that my ex had commented. The way he wrote about this friend completely shocked me, as it was so loving. I had no idea my ex was capable of emotions that deep. He wrote something like, "My life has been turned upside down. You understood me better than anybody else. I love you and you were my best friend. Life will never be the same."
His friend died on Easter. I remember on Easter while we were dating, he asked me to go on a hike with him. He was taking many pictures of the hike, and I thought he was doing it as a way to remember our date. A few months later I saw a post in a Facebook group my ex belonged to honoring his best friend who had died. He posted the pictures of our hike to the group. I forgot that he used to love to hike with his best friend. He also posted an extremely long story about the last hike they had together before his friend died. It was a beautiful story, but I realized that my ex had never spoken about a girl in this way... ever. He also used to tell me that he hated taking girls hiking because it's never as much fun as with guy friends. My ex also had a framed memorial picture of his best friend in his home and would always wear a shirt with the title of a fishing supply store where his best friend worked in the summers. This showed me that my ex had a very deep friendship with this person, but I know he has never replaced this friend. It was almost like he was still mourning the loss of this friend silently.
Could the sudden death of a very close friend make somebody more avoidant?
