Post by jd1990 on Jan 30, 2022 23:03:36 GMT
Hi there,
I am an FA (female) that leans anxious, and my ex is an FA leaning avoidant. We were together for about 1.4 years, and broke up twice within that time, three times including the current one. We also tend to flip flop on who is more anxious/insecure and who is more avoidant.
I have noticed a pattern of when we break up, it feels the exact same way leading up every time.
It begins with a rough few weeks, where it feels as though he is pulling away. This brings out my anxious side. I become extremely insecure and needy, and nitpick his behavior. I try to pull him closer, and it only makes it worse. I anticipate the break up every time, but he says that he isn't going to break up with me. And then out of nowhere, we get into an argument/disagreement and he says I push him into breaking up. Between one week and 5 weeks, he ends up coming back.
This break up happened 19 days ago - and I could feel his pulling away, and him pushing me away. He kept asking for space. This made me more and more insecure. The day of the break up there was no sign that he was going to break up with me, he had been pretty normal while distant. A conversation was bought up about an issue we had been dealing with about my family, it has been happening throughout our relationship so it seemed odd that he was now using this an excuse. It was almost like a way out he created. He said that he wanted to take a "break" and I pushed and pushed him to the point of him breaking up with me again. He said he still loves me. He kept saying things like "we can still talk", "I still want to see you and the dogs", "people don't just stop talking when they break up". Over the 19 days, he goes hot and cold with me - one minute hes asking if im okay and the next hes saying he doesn't need anyone and feels like hes detached from me.
This last week he has reached out to me multiple times FIRST asking if Im okay. Upset that I deleted him on social media. And also a jealous text because I was going on a trip with friends. He also reached out to a mutual person in our lives to ask about me, which is how he found out about the trip. He also did this in previous break ups before he returned.
Is his breaking up with me due to deactivating?
I am an FA (female) that leans anxious, and my ex is an FA leaning avoidant. We were together for about 1.4 years, and broke up twice within that time, three times including the current one. We also tend to flip flop on who is more anxious/insecure and who is more avoidant.
I have noticed a pattern of when we break up, it feels the exact same way leading up every time.
It begins with a rough few weeks, where it feels as though he is pulling away. This brings out my anxious side. I become extremely insecure and needy, and nitpick his behavior. I try to pull him closer, and it only makes it worse. I anticipate the break up every time, but he says that he isn't going to break up with me. And then out of nowhere, we get into an argument/disagreement and he says I push him into breaking up. Between one week and 5 weeks, he ends up coming back.
This break up happened 19 days ago - and I could feel his pulling away, and him pushing me away. He kept asking for space. This made me more and more insecure. The day of the break up there was no sign that he was going to break up with me, he had been pretty normal while distant. A conversation was bought up about an issue we had been dealing with about my family, it has been happening throughout our relationship so it seemed odd that he was now using this an excuse. It was almost like a way out he created. He said that he wanted to take a "break" and I pushed and pushed him to the point of him breaking up with me again. He said he still loves me. He kept saying things like "we can still talk", "I still want to see you and the dogs", "people don't just stop talking when they break up". Over the 19 days, he goes hot and cold with me - one minute hes asking if im okay and the next hes saying he doesn't need anyone and feels like hes detached from me.
This last week he has reached out to me multiple times FIRST asking if Im okay. Upset that I deleted him on social media. And also a jealous text because I was going on a trip with friends. He also reached out to a mutual person in our lives to ask about me, which is how he found out about the trip. He also did this in previous break ups before he returned.
Is his breaking up with me due to deactivating?
