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Post by ctlguy260 on Mar 24, 2022 21:25:23 GMT
I agree that a emotionally mature person is more likely to give the real reasons, because there's no reason not to. They may still be softer about the delivery, but they'll discuss it first if things aren't working out prior to ending an established relationship. No one can give another person closure because in addition to dissolving a connection, often breakups trigger layers of unprocessed trauma (rejection, guilt, shame, not feeling good enough to be "chosen"), so it still may feel awful no matter what the other person says. Because there's no "closure" for many related but unprocessed issues when an insecure person loses a relationship. But spending most of my life as AP dating avoidant, then getting more secure and dating more secure people, I started experiencing "secure" breakups the year before I met my partner, and they were so much better! The mourning period and sadness is much shorter because there's mutual respect and communication, no confusion, and often incompatibilities come out faster so the relationships don't take off long-term anyway. I'd never felt a breakup that wasn't devastating before while fully insecure, and it's very, very different! This is very encouraging to hear. I need to have the courage to walk away early when I see the warning signs. |
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Post by ctlguy260 on Apr 11, 2022 12:20:15 GMT
Little update here:
I have spent a good part of 3 weeks searching from within and see all the areas I never trusted myself enough to see it or even didnt know my true feelings.I went out in the woods camping for a few days and compiled around 20 pages in a journal. I started to see everything from a conscious and mindful perspective. I saw my behaviors from my past play out in the relationship with so much clarity. I have made a lot of mistakes in my past so I dont trust myself to make the tough ones today (relationship wise).
Ironically as I came out of the mountains with a lot of clarity I got a text as soon as I got cell signal. Someone text me a picture of "her and the new guy". that she moved on to real quick after. This was a set back so I did go down a little rabbit hole. Of course I was curious and poked around his social media. So many things point to a narc, which is what marriage she was in. It was wild that he had lots of stuff about "twin flames" and hows souls collide that they have been connected forever. That is what she actually said about when they met that she felt that way. This is from a guy divorced for a year. This just scratches the surface but I know she is falling right back to it after she came so far in 2 years after her marriage from one. ANYONE who called it would happen before I never believed it, but it makes sense now.
But gosh my co dependant side kicked into high gear because I genuinely care greatly for her but its not mine to care for but the pull sure is there.
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