Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 17:05:59 GMT
The way forward - how do you heal a disorganized attatchmentstyle:
- The best thing you can do is to go to therapy with a (SE= spmatic experience) attatchmnet trauma therapist regularly until you have mastered the traumatic experiences of the past. Perhaps you can not even remember the initial events, or you may not remember them as trauma because you may well have closed off to feel them. As a defense against being overwhelmed by them and "The insane that happened" and instead, you may have been the "strong" one who felt no emotions
- It is also important in the therapy to separate the two vital needs: The need for attachment and the need for security when you were a child so the two needs can now be experienced from the same person. Namely from your partner
- In addition, it's important that you land your state of "alarm", which you may not even notice you are in because you have closed of and dissociated and have gone into freeze or functionel freeze. This includes, inter alia, getting your instinctive part of the brain (reptile brain) to understand that your life right here is now safe.
- Focus on the fact that you have actually survived and are now grown. You have many more resources NOW! Focus on your resources
- Discover that what happen, happened at that time (in the past)
Find some safer relationships. This may mean that there are relationships with boyfriend, family members and / or friends that you may need to stop or limit
- Develop a realistic trust. One of the ways is to talk to others about what is reasonable and realistic
Let your partner not to be perfect! Just as you are not yourself. Learn to tolerate reasonable disappointments. Check out the reasonableness by talking to other people about it
- Clean any abusive conditions, and do not allow these dynamics again (persecuter/victim dynamics, overdog/underdog, topdog/underdog/ power strugles). End the relationship, if you can not stop these dynamics
- Exercise mindfulness - Exercise yourself to be present here and now with your consciousness! It's not about meditating ½-1 hour a day, but being aware and having contact with yourself during the day. It is living life!
NOTE! (Sometimes mindfulness can be difficult when you have chok traumas, because mindfulness allows room for the chok trauma reactions to "make noise". For example, concern thoughts and bodily unpleasant reactions: unease, leaning, spinning, nausea, dizziness, pressure, palpitation, etc.)
- When you are triggered, regulate and pause before you do anything else (SE tools). You can't use your prefrontal cortex when you are getting triggered. When you have come out of your instinctive reactions - fight, flight, freeze - then make a decision about what to do and how to react.
- Enjoy the nature
There's a lot to see and experience when you move outside of your safe environment. Nothing is more healing for mind and body than nature. Spend time in nature and discover. Look around and note all the goodness of nature in stock. Begin to acknowledge the need for balance, confidence and harmony in your life. Be kind to yourself and set aside time to play and contemplation.
- Create a daily routine with structure.
- Try to tolerate getting closer and closer to a loved one without pushing the person away - move closer step by step
- Take care of yourself
- Choose the company of good humans, it increases your energy and give you a smile. Uncheck or limit contact with humans, that drains your energy and ruins your mood. Be selective and selfish - INFO! It's not selfish to take care of yourself, it's on the contrary self-loving.
Use Chris Griscom color/breathing meditation, if you are angry with or afraid of another person:
Imagine the other person or look at the other person.
Ask yourself what color she wants from you. But only inside of yourself.
Imagine a cloud with this color over your head.
Pull the color in together with your inhalation.
Send the colour through the solar plexus and over to the other person on exhalation.
Healing from the disorganized form of attatchmentstyle is at the deepest level of seerate the love / safe attachment from the threat.
Unfortunately, you can not talk or analyze this!!!!
It must be healed on all 3 levels: the mental, emotional and instinctive level!
REMEMBER: Healing on the instinctive level, must come first. It´s survivel energy! When your system is in survival mode, it overrules everything else that you might have learned - your logic and your emotions - and your lovelife!
Methods to generally land the nervous system, for example:
the water tank exercise
(the instinktive level),
felt sence exercise,
getting into the now exercise. Felt sensations is more important, than feeling the feelings when activated, as the desorganized often gets overwhelmed by their own feelings.
Kind eyes exercise
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 17:12:39 GMT
The watertank exercise
The watertank exercise:
All attatchmentstyles - also for the dismissive when they begin to come out of their numbness)
This exercise is developed by some of the leading attatchment/trauma/SE/body experts in the world:
Think of a lightning that connects to the ground.
If we are exposed to a chock or something that is overwhelming, adrenaline is released quickly and automatically a portion of energy in the body, so that we can fight or escape. If you have not had the opportunity to respond to the event, then that amount of energy can be locked in the body - you've got a trauma. This energy causes imbalance in the nervous system and can lead to various symptoms. Fortunately, you can free up the energy by unloading and regulating the nervous system.
If you do, you call it self-regulation. One of the ways you can do it, is based on the water tank model. One uses a water tank as a picture of the body. The water symbolizes the energy. The ambivalent / nervous and disorganized attatched has difficulty controlling the autonomic nervous system itself. So if you have any of these types of attatchmentstyles, it will be a great investment for you to train and use these "water tanks" activities. IT can help the ambivalent to stop overthinking ect At the same time, it will be hard for you to get flow in these exercises. Your nervous system typically needs a person who can already regulate himself. One with a more secure attachment or possibly a trauma therapist. When you know how to do it, you can practise everyday.
WATER TANK MODEL: If you fill more and more water in a water tank and it has no drainage, the pressure in the tank will rise and it may be close to bursting. What do you do? Well, you can drill holes in the water tank. In these holes you put water hoses to water out and water pressure may fall. Same with our body: When there is too much trauma energy in the body, the pressure / excitement rises. The water hoses can be compared to our arms and legs. This way, energy that is bound to the symptoms can leave the body. Then the pressure / tension decreases and the symptoms ease. In addition, the energy gets a larger space to distribute itself and the pressure / excitement becomes smaller.
However, the water hoses may be blogged, so that the water is difficult to drain.
Then clean the water hoses, so that the water can flow freely. Similarly, in the body can be found blockages in our arms and legs that prevent the free flow of energy. Typical blocking sites are in joints (especially knee).
It is therefore beneficial to move your joints quietly to loosen them and thus loosen the blockages. Rarely, energy can be blocked, where the nerve protrudes from the arms and legs.
That is, in the upper part of the back (arms) or at the lower back (legs). If you are having trouble feel the feelings in your arms and / or legs after you have loosened the joints - then the blockage presumably where the nerve originates from the spine.
Another way to get the energy flowing freely is by touch. The hardest part by this, is to remember to use it in the situation! The activity helped tsunami victims in India in 2004 to regulate their nervous system and get healed symptoms again after just an hour's SE trauma session including touch (there were no resources for multiple sessions). As there was acute trauma, the healing was obviously, clearer, faster and easier than if you have trauma of older date. Though you have no trauma, it will be a good activity to gain more ownership of the body and to to cope with more pressure and stress in your everyday life!
A locked survival energy in the body produces imbalance. As life naturally gives some knubs, the imbalance can gradually be so great that you develop symptoms. Like a pendulum that gets too much speed and can not settle by itself.
It gives much relief and an easier life when you get the frozen energy solved.
Sometimes you need the help of an (SE) trauma therapist before the energy can be landed properly.
Self regulation of ANS = the nerveus system (Watertankexersice) - mini exersice: Prevents the aftermath of chocks, stress ect. (All attatchmentstyles, but expecially good for AP´s, FA´s or people with some traits of AP or FA)
(give this exercise about 12 min. - after some practise you can do it faster)
Sit on a hard chair, breathe in and out 3 times. Feel the chair supporting you, feel your sitbones, thies, legs and feet. If you cant feel your seat knots, move your hips from side to side. Move your feet, toes. If you can not feel your feet, move your toes and feet. You can lift your leg and puch your leg out one by one (like a child being born on the way out of the birth canal). Sence the sensations. Feel your seat knots, legs and feet. Can you feel the rest of your body? It is okay if you can not feel the rest of your body. Rest your arms on your thies. Feel your arms your underarm and the upper arm. Then feel your hands. If you can not feel your hands, move your fingers. Look at your hand palms and move your fingers. Let the energy/sensations move down through your arms and legs.
Notice your body - the shift in your body and in your breathing.
Maybe you feel heat or cold that runs out through your arms and hands or/and legs and feet, or a shaking, leaning, vibrate or electricity, champange bobbles, tingeling ect. Also feel what effect it has on the rest of the body: the stomach, chest, breathing etc. (Is there more room than before? Or easier? Has it cleared?)
What effect does it have on your mood? (Have you arrived more into the precent? Easier? When you get more in touch with yourself, you may also become more sad, angry ect...)
What effect does it have on your thoughts? (Are they quieter?)
If you can´t get the enegy moving, your joints can be blocked. Look at the decription below, on how to release the blocks.
Self-regulation - legs:
You do not have to close your eyes. You only need that, if you find it hard to feel something. If you are used to meditate and / or feel the body, it is best that you have your eyes open and have 70% of your attention to the body. Then, the body can do a lot better work, because you do not disturb it (by trying to control the energy and the body). You can read the instructions as you do the activity.
Brand means in this context that you send your attention to the given area, and
just curiously register as objectively as possible, what you sense. Just do not try to relax
or feel something specific or analyze what you feel or why.
· Start by feeling your legs and feet. As a woman, it is also beneficial to feel the sead knots
(women usually ground through this part of the body)
· Move the toes and feet (one foot at a time) slightly while you feel your feet
· Then feel both feet and legs
· Has it been easier to feel your feet and legs?
· You can move your feet a little more
· Move your knees back and forth, one at a time - as you simply feel
· Notice the legs and feet again
· Move the hip joint one at a time
· Feel legs and feet
· Maybe you feel heat or cold that runs out through your legs and feet or a shaking, leaning,
vibrate or electricity, or that the anxiety leaves the body
· Feel both legs and feet, AND at the same time what effect it has on the rest of the body: The stomach, chest, breathing etc. (Is there more room than before? Or easier? Has it cleared?)
· What effect does it have on your mood? (Have you gotten more present? Were easier? Then you get more in touch with yourself but you can also get more sad, angry or ...)
· What effect does it have on your thoughts? (Are they quieter?)
· If you still do not feel, repeat the movement of the different joints sometimes quietly and with attention
o Test it with eyes closed
o Help your body awareness by putting your hands on the joints
o It may be quite effective to do the activity together with others, especially if they are good at
beeing be present and pay attention to their own body
o If you have used this activity for a few days, and still do not feel anything, then there can be
a blockage in the nerve at its source (lower back)
Self-regulation - arms:
You do not have to close your eyes. You only need that if you find it hard to feel something. If you are used to To meditate and / or feel the body, it's best that you have open eyes and only use approx. 70% off your attention to the body. You can read the instructions as you do the activity. Brand still means that you send your attention to the given area, and just curiously register as objectively as possible what you sense. Do not try to relax or feel something specific or analyze what you feel or why.
· Start by feeling your arms and hands
· Look at your hands and move your fingers
· Move the wrist (one at a time) as you feel your hands
· Then feel both arms and hands again
· Has it been easier to feel them?
· You can move your hands a bit more - look at them too!
· Move the elbows back and forth, one at a time - as you simply feel
· Notice arms and hands again
· Move the shoulder joint one at a time
· Feel arms and hands
· Maybe you feel heat or cold that runs out through your arms and hands or a shaking, leaning,
vibrate or electricity
· Now feel both arms and hands, AND at the same time what effect it has on the rest of the body: the stomach, chest, breathing etc. (Is there more room than before? Or easier? Has it cleared?)
· What effect does it have on your mood? (Have you arrived more? Easier? When you get more in touch with yourself, you may also become more sad, angry or angry ...)
· What effect does it have on your thoughts? (Are they quieter?)
· If you still do not feel, repeat the movement of the different joints sometimes quietly and with attention
o Test it with eyes closed
o Help your body awareness by putting your hands on the joints
o It may be quite effective to do the activity together with others, especially if they are good at beeing precent and in their body
Be present and pay attention to the body
o Use this activity for some days. If it dosent work, there is probably a blockage in the nerve at its source (upper part of the spine)
Then do the water tank exercise (the first exercise) again:
Sit on a hard chair, feel the chair supporting you, feel your seat knots, legs and feet. Move your feet, toes. Rest your arms on your thies. Feel your arms and hands. Look at your hand palms and move your fingers. Let the energy/sensations move down through your arms and legs. Notice the shift in your body and when your breathing gets more relaxed.
Just accept the different sensations in your body. Accept the feeling that comes up. How does it feel to be you right now.
You can use the exercise if you can feel that you are going to cry. Also you can use it to stop overthinking, stress ect.
When you know the exercise well, you can use it anywhere - the short version. (Sitting bones, legs and feet grounding and wickle your toes). (Its energy work and not meditation)
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 17:14:17 GMT
Coming into secure attatchment exersice: (all attatchment styles)
• Think of a person whom you may or could have counted on. One, as you have or have had a positive relationship with. It may be in less time. Or just the person at the counter in the supermarket, who smiled kindly to you. If you can not think of any person, then Think of an animal ... or maybe nature or something spiritual
• Feel the love, the warmth, the support, the care, the presence, the friendliness or whatever is positive in this regard
• Notice what mood it gives you
• Notice in your body what feelings it gives in the body. Typical sensations are: Warmth, calm, weight, relaxation, ease, space, joy, the trimblings, champagne bubbles ect. But there may also be excitement, fear, lack, longing, sadness, sorrow or even anger. Give it permission and accept these feelings / sensations and give them love / warmth / care if you can
• Repeat this activity several times a day
(Diane Poole Heller)
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 17:15:24 GMT
Play with the senses exersice: (all attatchmentstyles)
This is an effective way to get into the precent!
It can also train your sensuality, and it's so valuable in your love life!
The sense of sight:
· Close your eyes and put your hands over your eyes for a moment. Feel the eyes and the little muscles around the eyes
· Remove hands and open your eyes slowly
· Let your eyes look gently wherever they want. Do not stare, but let the visual impressions come to you
· Just notice, that you are letting your eyes look, wherever they want
· Use "looking gently" in your everyday life!
· Notice the sounds around you without straining you. Let the sounds come to
· Just "watch" the sounds. You should not analyze, what they are or why, or if you
like them or not
· What do you notice right now inside you?
· Use your attention when you eat and drink (also, yes, especially your
snacks, sweets, snacks, and beverages)
· Do not do anything when you have something in your mouth! So no TV, PC or
reading. Also try to eat in between without talking
· Notice what you have in your mouth. How does it feel in the mouth and with
tongue. How are you biting? How does it taste?
The sense of smell:
· Stitch your nose in everything around you and smell. What does it smell like?
· The world is rich in fragrances. Examine them and do not limit yourself to assess,
what you like and do not like. Smell to yourself, others and everything around you ...
The sense of touch:
· Examine everything around you: How does this feel when I touch it? Is it
soft, hard, hot, cold, clumsy, sticky etc.
· How does it feel on different parts of the body: the hands, lips and perhaps other areas of your body?
· Also notice the air against your skin, for example the face and perhaps the arms
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 17:18:04 GMT
Eye gaze exercise:
(All attatchmentsyles - but expacially good for avoidants and desorganized) (co-regulation)
A mediation to help you calm your nervous system and activate the parasympathetic branch of social engagement in the best possible way.
In this exercise, you imagine someone lighting up when they open their door and see you. You take that image and feel “into” your eyes and allow your eyes to reach out to that joy you see in the other person’s eyes.
This exercise accesses the original attachment gaze and gives it support, and perhaps emotional limbic nourishment as well, and exposes the original wound. We work with the attachment gaze to give it time to heal, discharge emotion, overarousal and the original distress.
Take a moment to see if you can see that, take it in, and bring it back into your body, back into your eye, while you are maintaining an awareness of how it’s affecting you. It might be one person, it might be more animals and people anything that helps you connect to that loving kindness and passionate, caring presence that you can see in the eyes.
Try to accepct all the feelings, that this exercise brings up in youyoutu.be/leVxB1l5NiY
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 17:25:52 GMT
Eyeball exercise (good for avoidant and desorganised attatched):
Letting the eyeballs sink into the eyes and imagine that the eyeballs lands on a soft pillow (avoidants and desorganized - they can have a "harsh/starring look" in their eyes, because they can be watching out for "danger-signales").
Also a good way to gruond, because they can have a hard time feeling the body and if/or/when they feel the body, they can somehow get activated)
(Diane Poole Heller)
Working with the facial mussels, can also help to loosen up the face and make the face look more friendly and welcoming to other people. And it can help the person to be able to better regoise their feelings
(An SE, bodyworker, fitness trainer, stress coach)
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 17:28:11 GMT
Pendulation - SE
(All attatchmentstyles - But also helps dismissives go from their head down in their body and Up again) This is an SE exercise/technique.
This is a good and simple activity for the release of locked energy, which you can use in your everyday life.
It is called pendulation because you swing between two modes. You really switch between resources (R +) and something that is difficult or uncomfortable (R-). It relieves some of the trauma energy in the nerveussystem. It is the natural way of the nervous system to relieve traumatize energy. The art is, only to short "greet" the negative, and then dwell more on the resources.
This activity allows you to start practicing while you are relatively undisturbed. Once you've been trained in making it, it's great to do anywhere and at any time. And of course especially if there's something that bothers you.
Feel the place in the body, that does not feel strange. If you absolutely can not feel the place in the body that is uncomfortable or just excited, just think about the situation which is (a little) challenging for you (R-)
Find a place in the body where it feels more comfortable R +
Then you change your focus between marking R + and then marking R-
You must focus most on R +
Many times just say hi to R- and go quickly back to R +
If there is much energy in R-, then do not feel the area itself, but just feel the edge of the area
If you can not feel the body or anything else in the body, then it is to uncomfortable, imagine doing one of the things that usually give you a good feeling. And use this as R +.
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 17:30:55 GMT
Self touch exercises:
1. The human nervous system responds to touch. Hands-on healing has been used by humanity since ancient times. This could have to do with electrical currents, or the fact that we are calmed and held in specific ways as babies.
2. This is one of many exercises that forces one to focus on the body, this change of attention and awareness is therapeutic. See also exercise Felt Sense.
3. This is training one to be gentle towards self rather than harsh. This helps to build up this kind of relationship to self – a relationship that is characterized by being gentle, caring, kind and nurturing.
Self-Holding Exercises and The Self
This is a container strengthening and building activity which helps one begin to experience a sense of “Self.”
Sometimes trauma seems to erase the sense of having a Self and where that Self might be in space and time. Doing either of the above exercises and giving the exercise a chance to sink in, in other words opening the body to allow the body to receive the exercise, can bring back a feeling of Self. This might occur first by having a feeling of having a location in space, being solid and being in one location. There may be a sinking into the internal awareness that “I have edges” which in turn helps bring an awareness that “I am here” (location in the world) and “I am me”(ego-identity). This helps with restoring one’s identity as a normal human being rather than being shattered and nothing.
Then one might experience a feeling pride in Self, a feeling of fierceness, a desire to defend Self. This is the sense of Self-defense and Self-esteem coming online. Once Self is found, it is easier to feel the desire to protect and defend it, and to feel proud of it. If one has no access to Self, concepts such as self-esteem and self-defense can be confusing. They may make sense intellectually but not experientially. It’s not that one does not care about these concepts, one may care a lot about them; it’s just that they make no sense without an embodied experience of Self.
One may begin to gain a sense of having emotional boundaries, the sense of what is OK and what is not OK to experience emotionally and in relationships. This boundary awareness could have been completely lost or misplaced as a result of the traumatic experiences.
Accessing Self would also allow access to the inner knowing of what one wants some refer to as “My Truth” or “My Personal Truth” as well as one’s Personal Will, the “decider” or action-taker. The ideas of Personal Truth and Personal Will probably are difficult for someone who has no access to Self to really truly “get.” Once that connection to Self is re-established, feelings will begin to arise from Self – the feeling of dislike for something, or of liking something. These feelings develop complexity, maturity and expression and eventually become “My Truth” about a situation. Access to the Will also may come back online and one can act on their Truth which eventually turns into the development of authenticity.
There is a baffling passivity that comes with having no access to Self and being stuck in states of Immobility (deer in headlights) Dissociation (mind is in another time/place) and Hyperaraousal (uncontrollable terror). Of course, as the agent of life (Self and Will) has been totally obfuscated and lost, passivity would be expected. These exercises help gently bring one out of this extreme passivity.
Additional Self-Holding Exercises:
1. Fear-Soothing Self-Holding Exercise. Place one hand at the back of the neck right at the base of the skull, place the other over the solar plexus (right under the rib cage).
2. Lower Body Inclusion. This is for the more flexible: Lay on your side and place one hand on your heart and the other at the base of the spine/tail bone.
3. Mental Container / Mental Calm Exercise. Place your hands on each side of your head, so they are holding and soothing each hemisphere of the brain. Then place one head on your forehead and one hand on the back of your head. Feel how your hands create a container for your thoughts.
4. Patting Exercise. In the same video, Peter Levine also introduces the patting exercise. Pat yourself all over, to point out to yourself where your edges are. Sense into the feeling of having edges, the place where you end and the rest of begins
Peter Levine - youtu.be/G7zAseaIyFA
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 18:00:26 GMT
The power of touch
The power of Touch: (all attatchment styles)
Touch is a basic human need. When we come into the world we are supossed to be touched, given kind and caring eye contact and beeing met with a soft tone of voice from our parents.
In SE therapy/trauma and attatchment therapy, they often use touch in a way to get the client feel supported and getting the nerveus system to regulate back into secure state.
This is another way to get the energy flowing freely. The hardest part by this, is to remember to use it in the situation! The activity helped tsunami victims in India in 2004 to regulate their nervous system and get healed symptoms again after just an hour's SE trauma session including touch (there were no resources for multiple sessions). As there was acute trauma, the healing was obviously, clearer, faster and easier than if you have trauma of older date. Though you have no trauma, it will be a good activity to gain more ownership of the body and to to cope with more pressure and stress in your everyday life!
Work with a partner/friend/therapist:
Sit on a chair, feel your sit bones, legs and feet.
Be precent - experience how it feels to be touched right in this moment..
In therapy the therapist asks the client if it's okay if they touch the client and tell them where on the body they are going to touch.
Let the other person move slovely and soft. You can tell, when the other person can move their foot or hand again. Let the bodypart tell, not the head.
Some people do not like to be touched (often the desorganized). Or they can say yes to be touched, but their body says no. They can override their own boundaries because they can't feel them (a part of them are desociated) or they have been used to other people overriding their bodies boundaries.
If they are having trouble with touch, then
let the other persons hand/foot be 5 cm or so above the bodypart, that you want to get touched. (And move slowly closer if the person likes it - otherwise don't move closer)
Tell your partner, where you want to be touched. You can tell, when the other person can move their foot again. NB! The body will tell, not the head!!!!
On the top of one of your feet - slovely and soft.
On one of your knees.
On one of your elbows
On your upper arm
On the lover part of your back/the sacroiliac joint
On the shoulder and the shoulder joints
On the upper part of your back/your neck
On the back of your head
Take in the nurturing contact of beeing touched. Feel the sensations in your body and the shift in your body and the shift in your breathing
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 18:09:29 GMT
There are 3 systems running when making love:
When having sex, the tension in ans increases. This can trigger trauma as trauma connects with intensity
Therefore it can be a good idea to investigate your relationship to having sex ect.
Attachment, sexuality and trauma:
Examine yourself as a sexual being.
Examine how you have been influenced by your childhood and family.
• How hard is it for you to talk about sex? Does it make sense how your parents felt about sexuality?
• Do you talk to friends about your sexual experiences, e.g. how are your orgasms? If not, how can it be?
• How did your parents behave in relation to your sexual explorations?
• Was there permission to be curious about body and sexuality?
• Did your family have secure boundaries? Had your parents a natural (casual) relationship to sensuality and sexuality?
• Was there guidance from the elderly? Did you get friendly answers to your questions about sex?
• How was nudity perceived in your family? How do you feel being naked - how are you doing with your body?
• Did you learn confusing religious attitudes toward sex?
• Did you have a natural sexual development during puberty?
• Were there any stages of sexual development? eg. lacks flirtation in many who have been subjected to early incest and abuse
• How did your mother react or your father that you became a sexually active creature?
• Did one or both of your parents behave inappropriately / badly? How? Has this been healed?
• Did your father retire when you became sexually mature and sexually attractive?
• Were you celebrated or shamed in your new sexual identity?
• Did you feel open and alive or scared and shut down during your puberty?
• Is there a sexual or sensual experience that you remember as particularly crucial?
• What happens when you think of your first kiss? (sensations, moods, associations, feelings)
• How was your sexual debut? Beautiful? Daunting? Exciting? Delicious? Unpleasant? Confusing? Other things? o Were you ready? o Was it the right partner? o Was it as you had hoped or believed? • Is there anything you wish had been different?
• Is there anything you want to bring back with you from your early youth?
Overall, How do you convert Secure attatchment; SEXSUALITY; SENSUALITY AND INTIMACY in couples relationship:
• When you are considering having sex, what do you get from
• Which is harder: talking about sex or having sex?
• Is there a difference between loving and having sex?
• Do you prefer hugs and emotional touch?
• Are you open to spooning?
• Do you sometimes feel sexually aroused?
• Do you have periods where you do not bother to be sexual?
• Do you experience that you have traumas related to being sexual?
• Have you experimented with tantra sex, where you allow your bodies to build the energy up slowly with rhythmic waves of ignition and short pauses to get even higher tension in orgasm?
• Can you have orgasms? ( many women can not, or do not think they can, because all forms of orgasm other than clitoral orgasm can be more subtle and distributed)
• What are your favorite positions?
• Do you feel free to make lots of noises during lovemaking?
• Do you masturbate?
• Can you find your own source of enjoyment?
• How do you build your erotic energy?
• What helps you feel safe and connected with a partner?
• With whom have you felt most attractive / confused / tense / creative / legend / investigative?
• Who have you been most attracted to / confused / tense / creative / playful / investigating?
• What part of your sexuality would you like to get rid of with / repeat / have more available?
• Which movies or books have had a positive effect on your sexuality?
• Do you prefer food, TV or sex
Post by anne12 on Mar 29, 2022 18:12:34 GMT
The disorganised (FA) and sex:
They can often have exstreme sex:
being promisquious, bsdm, S/M, over/underdog dynamics, or they can be scared of sex. Some can be very sexual/sensual.
People often say, that it is the best sex they ever had, having sex with a person with some desorganised attatchmentstyle.
They can be promiscuous.
They can be scared of sex
You can use it as confirmation and be uncritical about who you are having sex with. You can have sex with many people
Through sex they can experience closeness.
Power / powerlessness. Bondage, s / m sex ect.
Pain can be a way to relive past traumas. One may have a tendency to maintain the high nervous system arousel when having extreme sex. If the tension goes down, they may believe, that they are dying on the instinctive level. Sex with a secure person can feel boring.
Shame vs. shamelessness
Sex can be grounded with shame. Some are ashamed of their body. Also if you had been sexually abused.
Or some may be shameless.
You are shameless to yourself if you are being promiscues.
Because of their unregulated nerveussystem, sex often has to be more exstreme before they can feel anything.
Sex can also be a way to discharge ans.
Post by anne12 on Mar 30, 2022 1:54:11 GMT
Your kidneys and adrenals are the little powerhouses of the stress response. When we go into a stress response, they activate and react severely to the stimulus (the stressor), by contracting and secreting your main fast-acting stress chemical – adrenaline.
If the stress continues, cortisol, another major stress hormone, releases into the bloodstream.
If our stress level stays elevated for too long, and we don’t come down and out of the stress response, these chemicals, both adrenaline but especially cortisol, become toxic to the body systems. This continual secretion of cortisol is what, over time, creates adrenal fatigue, burnout, and in the worst case scenario, autoimmune conditions and other conditions that have inflammatory characteristics, such as ulcerative colitis, fibromyalgia, chronic skin conditions, and other debilitating ailments that leave a person in ill health.
Many of our classic chronic conditions in the Western world are a direct result of this stress response being always on, the chemicals never re-absorbing back into the body, and the body not being able to repair fast enough to keep up with the breakdown.
To get to the ROOT cause of this excessive secretion of our stress chemicals, it makes sense to go to the place in which the chemicals are released, and that is at the actual kidney/adrenal interface.
Healing the body tissues, organ systems and chemical pathways of our body.
This is what we are doing when we work at the level of the kidney/adrenal interface.
You are literally asking and giving those little organs and glands THE PERMISSION to COME DOWN. You are demanding (in a nice friendly way) that they lessen their grip, and release and relax.
The more you can tap into this kidney/adrenal interface and speak to it, the more you are able to bring regulation and ease back into your nervous system.
Work with a partner:
There are a few ways to do the K/A work with a partner. One, is to do it from the side and to just work 1 side at a time. The person with active touch can place one hand directly on the kidney underneath, and the other hand on the torso/ribs from above. With their attention clear and present, they can hold the kidney between their two hands and this can be a nice way to practice.
Another way is for you to lie on your side, if that is comfortable, and the other person can place both their hands on both kidneys at the same time.
Another option is to lay on your front (head facing down) and the person can place their hands on the kidneys from the top.
All are good options, just whatever feels more comfortable for you and your partner. And remember, the energy is guided by attention, so if there attention is attuned and clear, the work works!
You can try to put your hands on the specific area..
Or you can lie on your back and
You can put a small pillow if that feels good. What can also work great is a small beanbag or a small soft juggling sack, because it is a similar size. What you can also do is put some sand or sugar in a small ziploc bag and adjust it to the size that gives you a reference point that you can feel but isn't too big or bulky.
With the Kidney/Adrenal work, awareness and attention is everything, so the actual tool isn't important as long as your intention is …
Post by anne12 on Mar 30, 2022 2:18:13 GMT
More about the Sympathetic vs Parasympathetic Responses:
With sympathetic nervous responses, the body speeds up, tenses up and becomes more alert. Functions that are not essential for survival are shut down. Following are the specific reactions of sympathetic nervous system:
increase in the rate and constriction of the heart
dilation of bronchial tubes in the lungs and pupils in the eyes
contraction of muscles
release of adrenaline from the adrenal gland
conversion of glycogen to glucose to provide energy for the muscles.
shut down of processes not critical for survival
decrease in saliva production: the stomach does not move for digestion, nor does it release digestive secretions.
decrease in urinary output
The parasympathetic nervous system counterbalances the sympathetic nervous system. It restores the body to a state of calm. The specific responses are:
decrease in heart rate
constriction of bronchial tubes in the lungs and pupils in the eyes
relaxation of muscles
saliva production: the stomach moves and increases secretions for digestion.
increase in urinary output
If your sympathetic nerveus system gets activated - speeder - fight/flight, it is important to burn some of the released stress hormones and the energy by:
Use your body, do exercise, jogging ect.
Do the water tank exercise, let the energy run down and out through your arms, fingers, legs and feet
Do things that makes you feel good:
Taking a shower/bath,
Talking to good friends and family (about something else!)
Walk/be in the nature
Listen to music and danse
Watch a good movie
Paint a picture or be creative in any other way
Do anything, that can bring you back into balance
NB! It is NOT recommended to lie down in this state, because you will have a tendencie to regrediate and get flooded with negative thoughts and emotions. It´s the encaputulated child/encaptulated part of yourself that can get activated in this position.
If on the other hand, your parasympathetic nervous system gets activated (brakes) freeze:
Find out, that you are in the encapculated child/the encaptulated self state of mind (freeze)
Give your self accetance for beeing in this state
If possible find something that can bringe you joy and grounding
Think of your favorite secure object/person or a safe place ect. that brings you joy
If you had an argument with somebody/your partner, imagine that you are talking in a nice way again
Use Gris Criscoms color meditation if you are angry or affraid of the person/your partner or if you need protection from somebody, who drains your energy:
Imagine a cloud of white light over your head
On inhalation imagine the light flows down through the center of your body
On exhalation, imagine that the light flows out of SolarPlexsus and over to the other (the one that is negative, angry, etc.).
Call a therapist or a friend who can kick you back into your adult self
Write a letter to yourself
If nothing works, take a couple of days apart from the person/your partner
Practise Leonard Jacobsens two chair anger meditation
Also check Peter Levines exercises to get the energy back