sara
New Member
Posts: 20 
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Post by sara on Dec 8, 2017 4:27:33 GMT
Guitar lady - that is fantastic. You give me hope! I’m sure you give us all hope. I had a rough week last week because I found out my ex is planning trips and moving on with his life. It hurt. But then I did some reading and realize what looks to us as moving on is really them shutting down and distracting themselves. Doing anything except dealing with their emotions. I also realize that that their is some self esteem work I need to do. Insecure attachment implies there is insecurity. Why did I put up with bad behavior for so long? Did I not think I deserved better? It’s a good place from which to effect healing. As for my ex I haven’t heard from him but I find that I’m reaching a point of forgiveness and to let things go. Perhaps we can be friends as long as I know his limitations. Oddly I think we could be good friends since the pressure would be off. Kristyrose and everyone struggling - it’s a process. It hurts. It’s sad. It’s maddening. But a month after the break up with my ex I have hope. Not that I will find love again or anything like that but that healing can happen. That I will come out of this stronger. Life is unpredictable and scary but full of surprises too. I hold onto that hope and that if I can heal from this - I may have a shot at finding and sustaining better relationships Cate - yes, I agree, they do that to suppress every single bit of their emotions to not feel anything, I totally believe that too. The unavoidable break up of my relationship just happened 5 days ago... and he already has his online dating profile up again and is online right in this moment... a huge punch in the face, how can he not be sad and grieve like me?! I know FAs are very different, that I have observed very intensely in the past few months. Yes, I feel hurt and betrayed, BUT I have weirdly mixed feelings of being so hurt, but also feeling so relieved and SO free. I truly think that this is the best thing that could have happened to me because even if it hurts and I have lost that person, my anxiety is completely gone and I feel peace and quietness on the inside. I think my therapy might have helped to bring me a bit further, but I am additionally thinking that when he is going to find someone else soon (I don't wanna know though) then he is going to be the new woman's problem, not mine anymore. And I am glad I am thinking that way. This online dating incident helped me to lose a good amount of respect for him, I am glad. I know I am gonna be fine, soon. And so are all of us here!!! |
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sara
New Member
Posts: 20
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Post by sara on Dec 8, 2017 4:44:32 GMT
Hey all, Just wanted to give you guys an update on things. So, I got a text from him this morning, he said he feels unhappy on some level, that his life is in neutral with us hanging out. He said we should be able to hang out without expecting sleepovers or sex and that we should both not question each other and be OK with it. He said he "wasn't drawing a line with his text" just that he wanted me to know where his head is at. I asked if we could speak in person, he said he had a busy week and what did I not understand by his texts? I said "after 2.5 years this is what you text me? wow." He asked me to help him understand what it is I need to talk about. I texted back, "i'm done" He said, "i guess thats the last time we communicate for the day. i will respect your words." He, once again wants to control things and assumes that I mean for the day- but I do mean permanently. I'm going to send him an email, when ready, telling him how I've felt, my experience and that I do not want to see or speak to him again. Whether or not he reads it is yet to be seen, but I'm so heartbroken and defeated, I just can't keep going. He is just cruel. We JUST spent the weekend together, Sunday I was just in his arms. Kristyrose - sorry you are hurting. I feel you and it hurts so badly, and yes, mostly after 2.5 years. I kinda fear that a beautiful, meaningful, and emotional time with them only lasts in the very moment, but doesn't mean much anymore days or even hours later. This is what I have experienced too and then they throw something cruel at you afterwards, and leave you entirely baffled and broken behind. |
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Post by kristyrose on Dec 8, 2017 18:33:56 GMT
Hi Sara,
Thank you for the response.
Yes, you put it perfectly. It seems like he goes through waves of being almost enthralled with me, then it can turn unexpectedly where it seems like he wants nothing to do with me. I know in his last texts he kept this just vague enough to leave the door open, yet also put down firm boundaries about how we should interact going forward. I think his birthday and the holidays are a trigger because it means closeness, buying presents for each other...all the things he doesn't like to do. I think he sent that text to keep me as far away as possible, until he misses me again and will come back. He can't seem to just end it permanently with me, because I think he needs the attachment cycle as much as I do. Very unhealthy for us both, so I'm going to try and stay silent. It's hard though, today is his birthday and I would normally be with him and of course send him birthday messages.
I made dinner plans with my best friend to keep myself occupied.
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